Dating Thread 249 - Summer

[librauk]

The Rules:

• The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
• Develop a thick skin.
• Do not invest emotionally too soon.
• It's all BS until it actually happens.
• Trust your gut instinct.
• People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your faulT.
• Know your wortH.
• If it's not fun, stop.
• Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*
*

Have you seen the Facebook pages called "are we dating the same guy" within local areas. Omg it's eye opening.

I went on a date last week, met for drink in local and got on. Wasn't entirely sure about him but carried on texting and met Monday just gone.

Sat down and he said he needed to be honest with me. There was a girl he sees at weekends and they spend lot of time together. I said so a girlfriend then. He said yes. I drank my drink and left. Quickest date ever.
Blocked him by the time I got to the car.

No @izzygirlis4 but you know what, after the bad experience I had, I did think there should be somewhere that you could almost like rate these people and share experiences! Can you imagine, it would literally cut off so many potentials for these idiots! I love that - a girl he sees, ie a girlfriend. What an absolute piece of work

You should check it out. There's a group
For every area I think.

@izzygirlis4
Wow that's good to know, I had a look on FB, sure is a number of groups, one did catch my eye, 'Who peed in the dating pool ' 4.7k members .
Says safe place for women to check out men they are dating/ chatting too .

Update from me after last nights date. Lovely guy, insisted on paying for dinner, we chatted a lot. My problem is this I have realised - I don’t know how to date someone who isn’t a narcissistic sociopath! This guy is normal but there wasn’t that spark or chemistry which I know is usually a really bad sign for me. My mum phoned as I was on the way home and she said you have to stop writing people off on the first date and think to what it was like when you met x who you worked with. She said if I saw this ex of mine (best relationship I had) on a dating site, I would never pick him, but because I got to know him first, the relationship grew. I do think there is something in this. It’s become so much about looks (and I’m no supermodel!).

@Bestlife18
I have to agree with your mum
Give him a chance, sometimes normal is good
Did you enjoy his company ??

@librauk Thank you for this new thread

@Bestlife18 That's interesting, perhaps your mum isn't entirely wrong. It has become so much about looks. One guy I really liked wasn't super fit but I felt comfortable with him and I just enjoyed chatting.

I don't know what other people think? But men where there's a lot of sexual chemistry (tension) isn't the same as comfort and ease.

Mr Father's Day (🤣) had this fit macho look. But at the end of the day, I couldn't really talk to him. It's like all his personality was about his body, but there was nobody there to talk to.

Thanks @librauk @cassiatwenty i do agree. It has all become about the physical and we don’t even really give people a fair chance. There was so much sexual chemistry with the last nutter I was seeing but when I think about date 1, there was a point where I know he had zoned out. He wasn’t looking at me properly and I wrapped the conversation up because I thought he was bored. He was - because he wasn’t interested in me as a person, just wanted to get me into bed basically!

Then, when I think back to the couple of phone calls we had and the time we spent together, all he really talked about was him, his work and his army reserves stuff. Oh and all the future faking sh*t too not forgetting!!

I have another date this evening with someone else who doesn’t fit my macho type - argh!!!

@Bestlife18 I find it really hard to fancy someone. I have made several friends through OLD but this is not really what I'm looking for!

Atm I have: Mr Canadian; self explanatory name, good banter, worried I may not fancy him in person though.

Mr Skipper, lives nearby, is happy to wait until we both find time. Have chats going with Mr Smile, hope he turns out to be nice because he looks friendly and warm, and another guy who has been nice so far. Only thing is he is wearing tight jeans in one of his photos and I'm not sure about this!!! Would it be unfair to unmatch on this basis alone?! Mr Tight Jeans....

Forgot to say, have date with Mr Canadian on Monday. Have already considered 2nd date if we hit it off but don't feel spark. @Bestlife18 maybe you should do the same? Your date sounded good!

@Chocolatefreak yep it’s so hard to fancy people meeting like this! It’s so unnatural.

good that you have a few options on the go though. I literally had one message this morning on match saying he was off in his camper van, with his paddle board going camping! A walking cliche!

the one I met last night had jeans that were too big done up tightly with a belt - so I feel your pain on the skinny jeans on a man 😂 it’s ridiculous isn’t it - stick with it and see what happens! I’m meeting Mr Footy tonight, he’s younger and I’m really hoping physically fit as he still plays and better dressed! 🫣

@Bestlife18 good luck with Mr Footy! Hope he doesn't drone on about the Euros all night (unless you're into that ofc)

@librauk thanks for the new thread 😊
Just wanted to say to you all, I really appreciate this chat. I have lots of friends but it's really nice being able to chat to all of you going through similar things and hearing all your stories. It's such a supportive space.

@Bestlife18 I totally relate, my ex wasn't a narcissist but he was a twat and I although I absolutely don't want a repeat of him I do think maybe I am drawn to it and less likely to give the nice ones a proper chance.

Mr Email for example on the basis of what he has told me seems to have a good heart and be a nice guy but I'm pretty sure I'm not going to be attracted to him because he is going to be too nice. Ridiculous. But I'm totally with your mum on this one, even if you just say to yourself let's try a different approach and go on a second date even if no immediate physical spark, if you liked his company and had a good time and no pink/ red flags then why not.

I've suggested to Mr TV that we move to WhatsApp and I've given him my no. Which is bold for me. I usually wait for them to suggest it. No message yet so maybe he won't take me up on it but he does sound like he has a life which is good so may just be out enjoying himself!

@Chocolatefreak I think on the basis that the tight jeans could potentially be ditched relatively easily I wouldn't unmatch solely on this basis but I get why it would be tempting 😆

Same sex date (f/f) last Thursday. Light conversation, physical touch (hand on arm type), laughter and ended the night with a snog, which felt natural (I usually dread the goodbye cause it’s like should I/we, shouldn’t I/we).

Meeting again next Friday (both busy with other things until then) and I am struggling with the lack of texting in between, not because I am needy or insecure but because it’s what I have always allowed myself to do.

I recognise that wasn’t good and the limited contact (3-4 texts a day) with this current experience is very positive, with deep and meaningful chats being saved until we meet in person, and most importantly because we have our own lives which we feel secure in, it’s just my mind is going in to complete overdrive. I hope it’s okay to openly share that in here, and hope someone can come across with words of wisdom soon :).

Haven't posted for a while but read every day.
Just wanted to add that I have been dating a man for a few months now. I did post a while back that I was chatting to him but didn't think it would go anywhere. On date one when I first met him I knew he was not my normal type. I drove home intending to tell him I had a lovely time but couldn't see it going anywhere. I was a little gutted though because we chat a lot and it just flows. He's good at communicating, gets on with his ex-wife and sees his children all the time. So I decided to give it another go because I liked him. Last night we went on date 6 I will admit I don't get the spark but I enjoy my time with him and always look forward to seeing him. I am hoping that the more we build on getting to know each the more the physical attraction will grow. Do any of you think this is possible or do you think you need that chemistry?

@Dottie4 I dated someone for a few months and there was definitely not a spark. But there was attraction. It was a slow grow. Physically it was very good. I’m glad we went with it. It was what I needed at the time but I realised he wasn’t forever because his communication level was different to mine.

@Dottie4 this is what I am struggling with too. So ladies update - went on date with Mr Footy and nice man but it’s a no, not insane life space at all. @Mckittens I’m trying to see about giving the guy from last night another shot but the thought of any physical contact makes me feel urgh!!

so I’m feeling very jaded with it all tonight. I fancied the pants off the bastard who I was seeing. I just don’t think online looking at this horrendous pool of people I am ever going to find anyone! Is there a better site?? I’m on match, have done hinge, bumble and Facebook dating and they have been worse than match!! Where are the decent looking single men?!

I'm with you! I haven't matched with anyone I fancy in such a long time!
I'm almost tempted to delete my profile and start again to give some people I swiped left on previously another chance 😅

I think deleting the profile and starting again is not a bad idea at all. I've been contemplating doing that for ages as I have definitely been very ruthless at times and probably deleted/ swiped left on ones that could have had potential.

More lovely messages with Mr Email but like Mr Footy @Bestlife18 I do think we are in totally different life spaces. So not sure how that would work. Worried about meeting him and it just being a big disappointment.

@Mckittens sometimes a fresh start feels good doesn't it! But I also don't want to be one of those profiles that get an eye roll for resurfacing if that makes sense 🙈 some times I see guys profiles reappearing and I think "ahhh new profile again!".
But also at the start of my recent OLD stint o was VERY against dating guys with kids. But I'm starting to think I would have more in common with another parent! Most of the non parent guys I see are just into travelling and "going on adventures" which just doesn't work when you're a parent 🙈

Totally with you @Mckittens and @blacksocks33 and I actually thought to myself these guys are going to think I’m permanently on dating sites too the way this is going. I decided to rejoin Facebook dating this morning and it’s the same people who are on bloody match that I paid £40 for.

I now only date guys with kids as the others are all “oh can you tell me how much free time you have” and I just don’t have the time to disappear for weekends away all of the time.

feeling very deflated about it all and wondering how the hell do people meet anyone decent any more? I do not know! Any suggestions?! I don’t want to join a running club either 😂

@Bestlife18 yes I totally hear you! How do people afford to go on holiday like 4 times a year and then all the snowboarding and hiking and fuel for their camper and?! How do they get the time off work 😅

I never used to swipe on the dads which is making me want to restart my profile.... but I don't know. Maybe a little break and some new pictures will make me feel better about restarting 🤷🏼‍♀️

I literally have no idea how you meet people either!!!!

@Dottie4 your guy sounds nice, loads of positives. I think there does need to be a level of attraction there from the outset but I also think that real intimacy develops over time. Or not depending on the way someone behaves more widely. At least that's how it seems to work for me.

Thanks for the new thread!
@Chocolatefreak I swipe left on any men wearing skinny jeans 🙈 but I have few other clothes icks, so I may be too harsh.

I'm on Feeld now, for more casual options, but I still read this thread, I'm sure I'll be back on bumble some point.

That just made ma laugh then @blacksocks33 ! I know - with all their camping, fishing, hiking - not forgetting music festival attendance too I have no clue where they get the money from or the leave!

my friend and I are on a mission to see if we can get out in real life. I have no clue, but I can’t take much more of looking at pictures of the dregs of the earth!