Dating Thread 249 - Summer

[librauk]

The Rules:

• The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
• Develop a thick skin.
• Do not invest emotionally too soon.
• It's all BS until it actually happens.
• Trust your gut instinct.
• People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your faulT.
• Know your wortH.
• If it's not fun, stop.
• Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*
*

@katmunchkin I’m sorry it ended, but His reaction was disproportionate and I think you’re well out of it. Give yourself time 💐

Hey @Bestlife18 🤗

It sounds like you had a great night with a guy you found attractive. And at the end of the night or in the morning you gave him a huge compliment by expressesing you'd like to see him again. This is a huge compliment, and it means he did something right.

Have you heard of the beautiful mess effect?

British Psychological Society says:

"We overestimate how harshly we will be judged when we reveal a weakness or failure, and underestimate how much people will appreciate our honesty or courage. In general, people's perceptions of vulnerability are far more positive than we imagine – a phenomenon sometimes known as the 'beautiful mess effect'."

(www.bps.org.uk/psychologist/beautiful-mess-effect)

It's only normal to express people we fancy how we would like to see them again. I do it too.

Thanks @cassiatwenty no I havent - I’ll read that now. Just feel like crap because feels like another rejection although it has only been a few hrs and I know he wouldn’t have been declaring his undying love for me just yet!

Would you message if not heard anything later or leave it?? So fed up of having to feel like chasing these guys who really aren’t on the same level as me. They should be chasing! Man alive.

@Bestlife18 If I liked him I would defo say something afterwards. "I had a lot of fun with you last night, how about we keep those good vibes going? 😏"

It's really not a bad thing! It's better to say something and if it doesn't work out, at least you tried, so no regrets imo.

Yep you are right…100%!!! Thank you

@Bestlife18 ahhhh don't beat yourself up at all! It's sounds like you had a great night, good for you! 😀

If you don't hear from him I'd definitely send him a message later. There's no shame on it and it'll stop you waiting around for a message. I hope you get a text in the meantime 😊

@LittleFloatingGhost brilliant! I love the messiah too!
Such a better way to engage with those matches.

Message* not messiah lol

@Bestlife18 I personally wouldn't text, you've already expressed your interest, and especially after first time sex I'd expect the guy to get in touch if he is interested in seeing you again. Hopefully it was a good stay over 😁

@blacksocks33 about an hour ago I got a “I need a siesta 😂” I replied with a me too and a bit of a playful end to it so he did msg at least but it’s gone very generic again.

Thanks @Day99 my last post didn’t upload but he did text at lunchtime - gone very generic though. Just like the sort of shift change in language the last guy used when he was mucking about with others. What is wrong with these men!

@Dauntedbydating I seem to recall things were promising on your end. What happened in the meantime? Update? I hope all is well.

I am sure I did post that I had coffee with this one guy. He was not for me but he kept messaging me and I was considering going out with him a second time to be nice as I thought he did seem lovely a genuine.

He had added me to his social media at the start to prove he was single and everything did seem to add up. He and his sister had both come out of long term relationships and had both in recent time moved back home with their mum as dad died. Their dog died recently and he was looking for a new one. All seemed plausible and obviusly I had no interest in him so did not check out anything.

The other day he sent me a pic of the new dog and a speil about it being a rescue etc and I just thought it proves how lovely he is and messaged him back and forth. Yesterday my algorithms on fb copped I had been looking at rescue dogs somehow and the place he clearly got the dog showed on my feed - with a picture of his 'sister' and him and their new dog. I clicked on the picture which tells me his beautiful sister is actually in fact his beautiful WIFE which is why they have the same surname.

Honestly some men would just turn your stomach.

OMG!!!!
Did you bring it up with him?? 😵🤯

@Singleandnotsureifreadytomingle I'm so sorry that happened, what an absolutely awful excuse for a man. I know people have always cheated but it does seem to be more prolific and almost expected now-days. His poor wife. Good example of how it's always best to trust your gut instinct and go with that.

Omg @Singleandnotsureifreadytomingle that’s so crap 😔

wow there really are some snakes out there.

Bumble is so annoying. Whilst
you can swipe for free, and any matches are shown to you, you can’t see those who’ve liked you without paying? To be honest I’m quite brutal (selective) when swiping and so there might be some I might change my mind on if I see they have liked me…!

just want to line a few dates up this times for a compare and contrast. Ideally!

@blacksocks33 no i sent him the screenshot and told him his wife will find out what he is at sooner or later then blocked him. I have no interest in the man anyway i was just being polite over the dog but seriously like he isnt even convering his tracks. His online profile pic is same as his fb, shes a friend of his on it even. Im just baffled he gets away with chatting to other women and meeting them for coffee etc without her knowing.

@Mckittens yeah its crazy that they do this. I feel bad for her but all i did was have a coffee with him so i have no guilt. I will leave him at it.

@Browniesandcustard it is for his wife yes. Horrible bastard.

OMG you have got to be kidding and be even added you to social media?! That is another level of total nutcase!!! Wtaf?!

@Bestlife18 we chatted for the briefest time and I said to him (it was fb dating) that my ex never added me to social media so he said well your profile is locked down so you feel free to send me a request to show he was not like my ex. Turns out he is worse! If I had wanted to I could have sent her screenshots of our messages - voicenotes of the one day we did go for coffee and he voice noted to say he was on the way etc. Its ridiculous in this day and age how they think they wont get caught.

@Singleandnotsureifreadytomingle omg no you have absolutely nothing to feel any guilt about obviously. Just awful for you to have got caught up in something like that.

@Mckittens I was only even bothering to see him again cos my friends were pushing it. I literally met him, felt no chemistry absolutely nothing no attraction and they hated my ex so much they were like just go you never know. I was forcing myself to go. Im glad I didnt but his poor wife. How they do this makes you mistrust all of them.

Another Bumble question, sorry. Can I block people by their phone number? I really don’t want ex-fling seeing me on there (and vice versa).

On Hinge I could input his number and email address. Can’t see how to do that on Bumble, and the FAQs are rubbish. He may not be on there, it’s a preemptive move!

Geez that is so damn brazen ffs! Just when I thought I’d seen my share of these crazies!!

@FallenFigs I don't think you can. I know you can on tinder and hinge.

However if I'm wrong can someone please let me know !