Have I gone overboard for boyfriends birthday?

[Howdon]

Hi Guys,

Just wanted to get an outsider view on what I have planned for my boyfriends 30th birthday. I'm 26 years old.

For context, we've been together 8 months now, and we've had a pretty great bond/ relationship. He has made an effort to make me feel like a priority.

I had a few trust issues, which have now been resolved, and we're both very much in love. We are talking about marriage and future plans, and moving in together etc.

From the very inception, my boyfriend has always been generous towards me, and has always done what he can to make me feel special.

The last 3 months have been tough for hin financially, and is he starting a new job when we come back from holiday. He has essentially been living off savings for the last 3 months, and has been quite low.

In the interim, I have been the one paying towards the relationship and often helping him out with cash etc (the cash given he has agreed to pay back in 3 Installments when he gets paid from his new job).

For his birthday, I have booked a 5 star resort holiday in Egypt for 8 days, all expenses for the trip are being paid for my by me, and that is one of my gift to him. The holiday has cost close to 3.5k for us both, all expenses included into this figure. He then told me this was very generous and he would not be wanting gifts, as this is a considerable amount of money, in addition to everything I have already done.

But I still went out of my way to buy him gifts. I bought him designer sliders for £310, a niche fragrance for £245, sunglasses for £254 and a grooming set for £50.

He doesn't know what I have got him, and the costs. Obviously, I can afford these things, so it's my choice to spend this money. But now I'm thinking is this all too much?

I am very much a person who likes to give, and I love buying stuff for other people more than myself actually. And I have never been the type to expect things from others, in fact, I'm not used to being treated as nice as he treats me! I have always been the giver in most of my relationships including with friends and family.

I think yes it is too much, I understand you are very wealthy and can afford it, but it is hugely over the top.

For a boyfriend of 8 months, yes it's too much. For a boyfriend of 8 months who has expressly said he doesn't want you to get him anything on top of the lavish holiday, yes it's too much. For a boyfriend of 8 months with whom you have had "trust issues" (do you mean you were paranoid or did he give you reason to distrust him?) it is too much.

I mean, it's your money and if you can do it without getting into debt it's your choice. But I think you're bonkers. Even if I had that sort of money I wouldn't be spending it like that.

I think it's too much, yes. To be honest, as generous as it may be I would feel so uncomfortable if I was struggling and I got all of that from a long term partner, let alone someone I'd only been with for several months

Yes, it's too much. It would feel a bit like lovebombing to me after just 8 months, and would probably make me feel a bit crappy if I was short on cash.

Yes, it's too much. It would feel a bit like lovebombing to me after just 8 months, and would probably make me feel a bit crappy if I was short on cash.

You are bonkers OP. Are you insecure and trying to buy love? Might be worth having a chat with a counsellor.

Vastly over the top for 8 months in, IMO. I think you'll find that what'll happen is that he will either feel embarrassed or will get used to, and start expecting, having lots and lots of money spent on him and I don't think either of those will be great for your relationship, tbh.

Yes its over the top although he might love it and I understand you are "head over heels" but I think you need to calm down a bit.

I do think that's quite a bit too much!

It's a lot on top of already giving him money that he's due to pay back? Especially in an 8 month relationship where you've had to work through trust issues.

Yes, I would be very embarrassed and think they were trying to buy my love. Especially after only 8m.

Yes, and he's told you it's too much, listen to him. You could give him a token extra item (such as the grooming set) since the hol is for both of you.

You say your trust issues are resolved but it feels a little bit like you're trying to buy his love?

An 8 month relationship? That’s way too much!

Did you ask him if he wanted to go to Egypt on holiday or has that been a surprise?

I would be embarrassed to receive all of that

Massively over the top.

Perhaps if he was in a position to reciprocate then it would be ok but if he's a decent fellow then you're going to make him feel this big and very uncomfortable (I know I'd feel embarrassed). Especially when he asked you not to get him anything else.

Also you've been together 8 months! This is the kind of thing you do for a 5 year anniversary, not 8 months! It's like you're trying to lovebomb him. Just stop.

I agree. You're trying to buy him. It would scare me off.

I spent £100 for my gorgeous DH for his 50th he was delighted.
Have you got a house? If I was him I'd be worried that you were frittering money on bollocks (sliders for £300 plus!!). I would find it a massive turn off that you would spend so much money on this sort of stuff and think you were materialistic.

Love isn't measured in "stuff" and "things" go on holiday have a lovely time and keep the things for Christmas or whenever.

I think he’d also be very embarrassed in having expensive gifts when he owes you money. Can you just write off the debt instead of it’s approximately the same amount? They would relieve some of his money worries. £200 flip flops aren’t much use if you’re eating beans on toast

It’s far too much. Take it back, put the money in your pension. Go on the holiday, but otherwise stop subsidising him. It is very easy to slip from “I like being the giver” to “I think I’m being taken advantage of”. Secure your financial future before someone else’s.

Way too much. Stifling. I'd be very uncomfortable and probably re-think the relationship.

Too much, yes. One of the items would have been sufficient at this stage. And he clearly said the holiday was already enough/ too much and he didn't want more.
Get a refund on those designer sliders!

8 months in and a lot of trust issues

You’re trying to buy his love and the security that comes with it in your mind

What lovely things does he do for you ?

It's your money spend it how you want on who you want I think.
Can I ask what kind of work you do to be able to afford all this at 26?

Op, that's too much and you really need to figure out what drives you to go over the top like this.
It can be overwhelming for the recipient so I wouldn't give those gifts. You're trying to prove yourself and your love for him and that can have the opposite effect of what you want. Save them for Christmas.
Back off a bit and look into some therapy.

Good Lord that's far too much. A token gift to open on the day is fine. However, I think the rest (including the holiday) is extremely OTT for a new relationship. I agree with others that if a man was doing it, it would be considered love bombing. Take the items back. Nobody needs designer sliders, honestly that's madness. I'm a generous gift giver but this is way too much.