Have I gone overboard for boyfriends birthday?

[Howdon]

Hi Guys,

Just wanted to get an outsider view on what I have planned for my boyfriends 30th birthday. I'm 26 years old.

For context, we've been together 8 months now, and we've had a pretty great bond/ relationship. He has made an effort to make me feel like a priority.

I had a few trust issues, which have now been resolved, and we're both very much in love. We are talking about marriage and future plans, and moving in together etc.

From the very inception, my boyfriend has always been generous towards me, and has always done what he can to make me feel special.

The last 3 months have been tough for hin financially, and is he starting a new job when we come back from holiday. He has essentially been living off savings for the last 3 months, and has been quite low.

In the interim, I have been the one paying towards the relationship and often helping him out with cash etc (the cash given he has agreed to pay back in 3 Installments when he gets paid from his new job).

For his birthday, I have booked a 5 star resort holiday in Egypt for 8 days, all expenses for the trip are being paid for my by me, and that is one of my gift to him. The holiday has cost close to 3.5k for us both, all expenses included into this figure. He then told me this was very generous and he would not be wanting gifts, as this is a considerable amount of money, in addition to everything I have already done.

But I still went out of my way to buy him gifts. I bought him designer sliders for £310, a niche fragrance for £245, sunglasses for £254 and a grooming set for £50.

He doesn't know what I have got him, and the costs. Obviously, I can afford these things, so it's my choice to spend this money. But now I'm thinking is this all too much?

I am very much a person who likes to give, and I love buying stuff for other people more than myself actually. And I have never been the type to expect things from others, in fact, I'm not used to being treated as nice as he treats me! I have always been the giver in most of my relationships including with friends and family.

Hello! No, he wasn't unfaithful, I was just concerned he was cheating as he was being very suspicious with his phone, and not being open about things and spending less time with me.

So what did he do? Why was he suspicious with his phone etc?

Because you know that's more important to your future happiness and security than whether or not you give him expensive slides?

It sounds like he was not entirely faithful to you (even if he didn't actually have sex with someone else) and you are now trying to strengthen your bond with gifts. If so, that's setting up a very unhealthy dynamic.

Too much for 8 months in.

I feel like you're trying to buy his love spending all that.

Keep the stuff for Christmas.

This.

You were pregnant with someone elses baby in September? Assuming you had an abortion as you said you didn't go through with it? And then 9 months later you're madly in love with someone else, spending thousands of pounds on them and talking marriage and moving in together?!

Yeah, calm down. That's unhealthy on so many levels.

I think you should listen to what he says and respect his wishes, feelings and boundaries.

A 3.5k holiday for someone who has been struggling financially although obviously as much a treat for yourself as for him, to me seems a bit like “look at me with all my money and what I can bestow upon you with it”.

Then to ignore what he has said and give him gifts he has said he doesn’t want to the tune of £00s …. Why would you think that was ok?

Your love language 🙄 might be £££ but that shouldn’t exclude his wishes

Far, far too much. In fact I've got a feeling the OP's doesn't care what we think, but is using the post to brag about what she's spent. Designer sliders at £310? Jesus Christ...

With the greatest of respects OP, 8 months (with trust issues already) is not a stable relationship....

I wouldn’t even spend anything like that on my husband never mind an 8 month relationship 😳 that’s too much pressure for someone to accept those gifts and if it was me I’d feel like I was being bought!

id return everything, you’ll have to go on the holiday now but just get him a nice Collin cake!

Of course it’s way too much. It’ll end in tears if you carry on like this.

OP - are you living at home with your parents whilst you're spending almost £5k on a new boyfriend's birthday?????

So last October you were pregnant by another man, then you had a termination. Then you must have met this new man very soon after your termination? In the last 6 months you've worried about his fidelity, he's been dodgy with his phone, he's lost his job, and you have been financially supporting him and he owes you money.

Nah. That's FAR too much drama in there. Do you feel you have recovered from your termination? Do you think you may be using this new relationship to distract yourself?

God that's ridiculous. I feel like this could massively backfire. And why on earth have you been lending him money, sounds like a terrible idea. I've been married 12 years and I don't think either of us have ever spent more than £50 on each others' birthday. If we go on holiday, we plan it together and split the cost.

I would be so embarrassed to recieve all that from my partner of 5 years, let alone a partner of 8 months.

You're not in a stable relationship, 8 months in with trust issues relating to fidelity isn't stable at all. It sounds like you're trying to buy his love, it won't work.

You need to prioritise yourself and your situation, that's thousands that you could have put towards a house and stability for your future.

This won't end well, it sounds like he was generous initially, and now you're funding everything, and this will likely continue after his new job. Basically the equivalent of love bombing.

OP how were you shown love growing up - was it through lots of gifts and expensive branded items?

Editing as I misread the OP re. his job.

The gifts are a bit much on top of the hol OP. I think it would be different if you were together a long time and it was a once off special treat after a tough few months, but you’ve only known him less than a year.

You were worried about his sm use last month!!

Oh Jesus... Yeah this is going to end badly...

Yes I do think it's too much . If I was in his position I'd feel really embarrassed by all of this. I know 30 is a milestone birthday , but you're still in a new relationship yet.

The holiday alone is more than enough. I'd return the gifts though if you can, he's already expressed that he doesn't want any gifts on top of the luxury holiday you've paid for.

Op, I just looked at your previous threads, you are far from. Wealthy. A single parent , om a below average income , with benefits.

where are you getting all this money? Have you got yourself into debt?

three weeks ago you were not in a good place for this relationship and didn’t trust him. You also have a baby to care for.

why are you spending thousands and thousands on him like this? That money should be spent on you and your baby. You can’t afford what you’re doing. What is it you’re hoping to achieve here?

Massively over the top in my opinion.

There are so many holes in this story OP

Good luck

Why are all the presents so shallow and thoughtless? Is that why you're trying to compensate with cost, you don't feel you actually know him very well?

If I bought all those appearance related things for my partner, he'd think I was trying to change him

I’ve had a look at your other threads.

You’re controlling and don’t trust him.

This relationship won’t last. He’s not a “partner”, he’s a new boyfriend. Don’t spend a lot of money on him. It’s a waste.

Also, don’t touch men who wear sliders. Ick.

Definitely OTT in my opinion. I think the holiday is a nice gesture as you're also able to afford it and you'll be building memories together, but all the materialistic stuff especially when he's struggling for money atm is just not needed imo.

I wouldn't spend this if I was a multi millionaire but it is not the money it just seems too intense, if my husband did that I would feel smothered