He has just told me to F off

[Confusedandconfusedandconfused]

Partner of 1.5 years, we are away together for a few days.

He gave me some feedback based on a job I am applying for and it bruised me. I asked if we could speak back in the room rather than in a public place and we haven’t been speaking for the last couple of hours. I’m feeling stressed as have an upcoming interview and the atmosphere is not good.

We had dinner plans and I just said I wasn’t feeling up to it. I have also had another rejection for a different job I was applying to and feeling quite low.

He has stormed off out of our hotel and shouted at me to “fuck off”. I fully intend to.

What do I do now? We are in a tiny village.

He is otherwise supportive kind and patient but swearing at me is a red flag and I don’t want to continue the relationship.

Depends where you are. Abroad? How many days into the holiday? Probably have to wait it out till you get home.

If you are planning on leaving him after this outburst, you need to gather your stuff and see if there’s another room in the hotel that you can use. You’ll have to probably find suitable transportation to get you to the nearest train station or get home.

That's what I’d do in the immediate future.

Did you ask him for the feedback and what did he say that was so bad? And how did you go from that to not speaking?

You've said he's otherwise supportive so the outburst is possibly out of character so seems dramatic to end things over that. Are we getting the full story?

Devils advocate here. Is he trying to enjoy your break and you are focusing on work and interviews

Obviously, but that makes no difference to having zero tolerance to being sworn at.

You don't need an excuse, if you don't want to be with him then leave.

Pack your stuff, book a taxi and go home.

Yes I’m abroad and we live together normally. I’m really upset. I have obviously pushed him too far and obviously not been easy to live with over the last few months but equally this isn’t right for me.

You both need to calm down ans spend a few hours apart. Then you calmly sit down and discuss next steps

This could possibly be an over reaction from both you. You over reacting to his critique and him to your (?) Silence and refusing to continue with plans.

In no way was him telling you to you fuck off acceptable. It may be a slightly greyer area if it was a throw away "oh fuck off then" not directly intended at you buy more at the situation. Only you can know which it was.

If you are planning on leaving to go home, then just do it. No need for a grand flounce. Work out your safest and cheapest way home and realise that the relationship is over.

Hope all goes well with your upcoming interview

I think you are getting the full story, yes.

He said something like “you’ve ruined it, just fuck off”. I can’t really see a way forward.

im trying to book somewhere else to stay.

For all my faults I have never sworn at him and that is not something I expect to be done to me

Hrm, it depends where you are. Tiny village abroad? Lone female? Doesnt sound a good recipe. Can you stay elsewhere in the hotel you're in? If it's twin beds can you move one elsewhere? You got to think safety and although you find him swearing unacceptable, you need to not make rash decisions. How long till flight home?

People say things when upset. It’s not right but if he is usually kind and supportive is this just an argument?
Why did you cancel dinner? Why were you in silence? What did he say that hurt you when you asked for a critique?
My DH is lovely and we’ve been married 20 years and together for 30 but my goodness in the first few years wWe had some almighty rows and I cried many times! Thought that was fairly normal in new relationships!

I think in every relationship I have had either I or my partner has used one expletive or another at some point, particularly when arguing. It wouldn’t be an end the relationship moment for me, more of a take stock and talk it through.

I couldn’t get too worked up about cussing seeing as I can be a potty mouth but if that’s a line in the sand for you….

If he said
Oh, ffs - then fair enough.

But - you’ve ruined it, fuck off.
No that’s nasty and quite frankly immature.

Interesting comments. I'm a male and I remember swearing at an ex gf of mine after say 6 months together. When we split up several years later, she said to me something like I knew you were no good when you swore at me after 6 months! She'd never forgotten and she said she'd wished she'd walked away at that point.

Just because someone gives negative feedback doesn’t necessarily make it wrong.

It’s a few days until the flight.

How it started was - I have an interview tomorrow that I’m stressed about. He told me he thought some of my responses weren’t that strong and told me why. We work in different industries and I, probably wrongly, was just feeling a bit annoyed by the critical feedback.

We then walked back into our room in silence and he said that I was “clearly furious”. Admittedly I wasn’t too happy but he frequently tries to interpret my moods saying that “I’m not myself” etc which I find annoying when actually I’m just feeling quiet.

he kept saying he didn’t know what he had done and I said he hadn’t done anything and I was just feeling a bit stressed / not up to it.

He then said this was “another night ruined” and said that my job search has really been impacting both of us. It has! I can only apologise and have thanked him a lot for his support.

He then left our room shouting about how i had ruined things and his final words were “fuck off” in a really aggressive pointed tone.

this is the first time either of us has sworn at one another in our relationship. I’m pretty sure he knows that I don’t like this.

You're on a few days away together.
And you're doing job interviews in that period?

What did he mean another night ruined? What happened then?

@Blanca87 i don’t actually understand. I asked him and he wouldn’t elaborate. I assume he just means the stress of my looking for a role.

You shouldve enjoyed your holiday instead of doing interviews... but its done now.
Still its never ok to use such words. And this is only the beginning of the relationship, if you stay with him he will use more of such words cause you stayed regardless! Think good.

How can you be on holiday and having job interview tomorrow?

Your 1st post said you dont want to continue the relationship and sounded like you wanted advice around that. Now it sounds more like a little tiff. It's confusing to follow.

@Fs365 the joys of interviews via laptops probably.