He has just told me to F off

[Confusedandconfusedandconfused]

Partner of 1.5 years, we are away together for a few days.

He gave me some feedback based on a job I am applying for and it bruised me. I asked if we could speak back in the room rather than in a public place and we haven’t been speaking for the last couple of hours. I’m feeling stressed as have an upcoming interview and the atmosphere is not good.

We had dinner plans and I just said I wasn’t feeling up to it. I have also had another rejection for a different job I was applying to and feeling quite low.

He has stormed off out of our hotel and shouted at me to “fuck off”. I fully intend to.

What do I do now? We are in a tiny village.

He is otherwise supportive kind and patient but swearing at me is a red flag and I don’t want to continue the relationship.

Or...you can realize that you don't need to understand why, because sometimes that just isn't possible. You can agree to disagree and let it go.

I hope you are well OP

There's a small but growing movement in the psychology and psychotherapy sectors who are looking at the current spectacular rise in MH issues and emotional distress, and the rise in narcissism and other connected issues, and starting to wonder whether practicing emotional containment and suppression might be a good thing. There's no reason we have to act on or express all our emotions. Sometimes noting them and carrying on is enough. Stiff upper lip, getting a grip, carrying on as normal — all those things which psychotherapy has decried for the last 60 years may now turn out to have been good things in practice. There are certainly some people in my social and professional sphere whose emotional health and well-being hasn't been well-served by expressing their feelings all the time. Being stoical, getting a grip and carrying on is sometimes the best way of tackling things. It's not repression or denial: it's about acknowledging difficult feelings but deciding to carry on anyway. Sometimes focussing outward rather than always looking inward can change the way you feel.

Maybe , OP, when you solicit feedback and someone tells you something you don't like you can think about it calmly and quietly ('That's difficult to hear and I want to give it some thought') and see if there's something useful in there you can heed and use. And if, having given the feedback some rational consideration and concluding that the individual concerned isn't great at feedback or doesn't understand what's required for the role you're applying for (or whatever) you can surely move on without resentment or rancour? If you;re just angry and hurt that they didn't tell you the sun shines out of you then you have a 'you' problem. That would be a healthy adult way of approaching the situation IMO.

Reading more of this thread, I think OP and her BF are better off ending this relationship. If I was BF's mum I think I'd feel some relief at the news it was over.

@Abeona 👌