He has just told me to F off

[Confusedandconfusedandconfused]

Partner of 1.5 years, we are away together for a few days.

He gave me some feedback based on a job I am applying for and it bruised me. I asked if we could speak back in the room rather than in a public place and we haven’t been speaking for the last couple of hours. I’m feeling stressed as have an upcoming interview and the atmosphere is not good.

We had dinner plans and I just said I wasn’t feeling up to it. I have also had another rejection for a different job I was applying to and feeling quite low.

He has stormed off out of our hotel and shouted at me to “fuck off”. I fully intend to.

What do I do now? We are in a tiny village.

He is otherwise supportive kind and patient but swearing at me is a red flag and I don’t want to continue the relationship.

Seriously

He was verbally and physically intimidating towards her, how is that not dangerous? Not only does she need to get as far away from this man but quite frankly the police should be informed in case he unleashes another vitriolic tirade at his future partner.

Christ on a bike... what are you on about? 😵‍💫

Are we reading the same thread????

@SeverinaVichenza where did OP say he was verbally and physically intimidating? He told her to fuck off and left... please point me to the post where he intimidated her. There's no need to stoke unnecessary fires with allegations of intimidation

Oh do you think he said it in a softly softly voice? We all know men, we know how they talk when they are angry. I also think that the OP might be protecting him a little by downplaying events which is perfectly understandable given he might discover the thread on her phone and swear at her again.

@SeverinaVichenza

Oh do you think he said it in a softly softly voice? We all know men, we know how they talk when they are angry. I also think that the OP might be protecting him a little by downplaying events which is perfectly understandable given he might discover the thread on her phone and swear at her again.

I'm sorry, but you have absolutely lost the plot and are inflaming things beyond comprehension. I really hope OP is not paying any attention to you 🤞🙈

I hope my previous post shows I'm quoting @SeverinaVichenza and they're not my own insane ramblings!!!

Ah! You were being sarcastic! There I was thinking you were serious!

Sound like you have a good level of self awareness. It’s hard to see your own part in a conflict when someone has offended you so kudos to you .

Hopefully if you can communicate your awareness read of what you did wrong to your partner he will also apologise for swearing at you, and moving forward you can both get to the root of the problem since your relationship has been struggling for some time.

Oh stop it

You must live in a very small town. Most police forces have more pressing priorities than the possibility of someone using a swearword at an unspecified time in the future.

Have you thought about him being stressed that you lost your job and he'll be losing your income and now everything is on him financially . My ex -husband used to be abusive too and it was always about finances even though he made a 6 figure salary and was a big wig at NASA , he just wanted to push my buttons.
Honestly if you were rejected for another job , i would think you would be upset and needed support or understanding. For better or worse , and its when things challenging happen is when true character comes out.
I hope it works out .

And I wouldn't have apologised either. You are escalating. Maybe this relationship has run its course.

Who raised the subject, whilst you were, I assume, out and about trying to enjoy your holiday? You, or him?

It seems like you asked for advice, he gave it, you couldn't handle it.

Be honest, was there a nicer, yet still constructive way he could have given that advice?

Would you have reacted/felt the same way if he had given the advice in a nicer way?

Maybe he gives his advice in a nasty bullying way or, maybe you aren't currently able to take constructive criticism on the chin.

Either way, I don't think you and he are a match, as you don't seem to be able to communicate with out pissing each other off.

Trouble is, if the interview is for a great new opportunity and it's the only date offered, the OP could have been faced with a real dilemma. I think the point is whether they cleared it with the DP in advance before they went away and got their support to accept the date, but resolved not to let the whole holiday be dominated by the interview (not easy!), which is what has happened.

reading all the updates, the OP owes their DP an apology that's for sure. Swearing was just venting at the sulking about getting feedback the OP didn't want to hear and the general frustration over the spoilt holiday, understandably.

Im with the DP mainly, they were pushed to the limit, but they lost the moral high ground, if there was any, by resorting to swearing and raising their voice.

There’s one thing here that bugs me, and I’m just going by my own past, so disregard if it doesn’t apply, OP.

You’re stressed. You’re looking for jobs and having interviews soon. Instead of being supportive and understanding, he has brought out arguments and blame, nitpicked you, fucking NOT supporting your confidence, going on at you for being quiet, and ending up in shouting at you to fuck off , and basically being a non-understanding asshole.

this isn’t the way to support someone when they’ve got an interview they’re already nervous for. In fact, this is the way to sabotage them.

and you’ve only been together a year?!

if someone yelled at me to fuck off after a year together, I absolutely would be done.

other posters can bring in all the apologetics about the poor little man’s patience being tried, and they can also go ahead and live with this kind of behavior.

I don’t think he sounds like a good partner at ALL.

@Confusedandconfusedandconfused
Hope you got a good night's sleep.
Good luck with the interview today.

You owe him a big apology.

If you were too stressed to enjoy it then you shouldn't have gone, just to ruin it fir him.

This must be sarcasm 😂

He tried to help by the sound of it because he didn’t just criticise your answers but tried to help to improve them.
He tried to second guess your moods - i’m guessing he was stressed and anxious. You said you was ok (when you clearly wasn’t). I suspect that stressed him out even more. So after a while he blew up.
Swearing was not ok.

Unless he has shown more of his aggressive side so far, I would calm down and talk to him. Ppl get stressed and swear. This can all be resolved.

In hindsight having an interview on holiday isn't ideal. I'm guessing you guys have spent a lot of money on the holiday and your dp was probably looking forward to having a nice time together maybe more so if you have been particularly stressed lately.

Him criticising you, did he give you advice on how to strengthen your answers? If he just handed you a load of negativity I'd be pissed off too.

I'm not a fan of shouting and swearing, dh and I do argue but it's important to me to still be respectful.

Going to another room is not a bad idea as you can take some space to focus on your interview.

After that think about your behaviour, have you been difficult? Have you spoilt the holiday? Think about your dp behaviour, is this normal for him? Was he pushed too far?

If this is a dealbreaker then fair enough, head home and plan your split. Otherwise you need to talk though what brought you to this point.

Did you decide not to go to dinner after he spoke to you or before ...or did you not fancy dinner plans cos of a rejection ?

Am I the only one that doesn't think this is that bad?
He was clearly frustrated with everything and it came out in the wrong way. If he doesn't regularly tell you to fuck off and swear at you, then I think you can make it work.

@Confusedandconfusedandconfused if this isn't right for you then I would leave! No it is not right to be sworn at, but also you've said he normally isn't like this.

Just because he is your partner, it doesn't mean they have to put up with bad behaviour from you all the time. I'd be pretty annoyed if I was on a holiday and my partner said they didn't want to go out for dinner because they had asked for some feedback and I had given it! You said you've been in a bad place for a few months and it sounds like it is stemming from the job! And also sounds like you haven't been easy to live with. It does sound like it might be good for both of you to break up. You don't sound like you're having much fun and he doesn't either.