He has just told me to F off

[Confusedandconfusedandconfused]

Partner of 1.5 years, we are away together for a few days.

He gave me some feedback based on a job I am applying for and it bruised me. I asked if we could speak back in the room rather than in a public place and we haven’t been speaking for the last couple of hours. I’m feeling stressed as have an upcoming interview and the atmosphere is not good.

We had dinner plans and I just said I wasn’t feeling up to it. I have also had another rejection for a different job I was applying to and feeling quite low.

He has stormed off out of our hotel and shouted at me to “fuck off”. I fully intend to.

What do I do now? We are in a tiny village.

He is otherwise supportive kind and patient but swearing at me is a red flag and I don’t want to continue the relationship.

Well, to be honest, I would hate my partner to act the way you have. Spending good money on going away and job interviews ruining it. Then trying to support him with better answers and given the cold shoulder and cancelling plans. I would of said the same out of frustration.

If you genuinely want to end the relationship then probably the best thing to do is tell him that and figure out what you're going to do about getting back home and splitting up.

do you think you do want to end things with him?

He tried to help with your interview, you got pissed off. You were angry and he named that because he wasn't comfortable with the atmosphere and you got pissed off that he mentioned you being angry. There was clearly an unpleasant atmosphere and he got angry and upset. He said 'another night ruined' implying that your bad mood has affected other occasions? Honestly it wasn't nice of him to say that but you sound quite self absorbed and aren't acknowledging that you've affected him quite badly with your mood. Maybe rather than focusing on what you said, you should do some reflecting about why he said it?

Bring together 24/7 can be a pressure cooker
don’t ask a question if you don’t want to hear the answer there’s nothing worse than being asked for feedback then getting challenged when it’s not what they want to hear
take it onboard use it or disregard it

your anxious about jobs he’d feels like he’s had the fun sucked out of the holiday

think you need to let the heat of the Situation
as for sweat at u everyone’s var is different personally I wouldn’t appreciate it but it really wouldn’t be the end of the world

Yes you’re probably right and I think I have done lots of things wrong. Food for thought and I hold my hands up.

as I say the swearing was the bit I took issue with but he is not wrong to have brought up the other issues

Talk about editing. You missed, "I said he hadn’t done anything and I was just feeling a bit stressed / not up to it." Which was mature and communicative. More than he managed with his final words.

I was thinking something similar. Never ever recovered from one episode of nasty name calling. Don't think my husband at the time joined the very clear dots that we never had sex again.

This is as daft as the other thread by someone whose husband called her a cunt. Have you honestly never had someone tell you to fuck off in the heat of an argument before? And would you seriously end a relationship on the basis of one comment?

Did you ask for his feedback or was he giving unsolicited advice. If you asked, and you didn't like it, was he being personal, or was it constructive criticism? Either his opinion was unfair or uncalled for, or it wasn't and you responded poorly. Hard to tell. He may have been trying to be helpful, in which case not talking to him for 2 hours and refusing to go for food could be OTT.

What a difference half an hour makes. We've gone from red flags and fully intending to leave the relationship to actually yeah I understand why he's so wound up. There'll probably be some quality holiday make-up sex in the next half hour.

I need a link to that thread please!!

What came first the holiday or the interviews and all the stressful prep @Confusedandconfusedandconfused ?

I don't mind people swearing in general and around me, but someone I am in a relationship swearing directly at me would be a deal breaker for me. There would have to be an abject apology to get anywhere near back on track.

So you're away on holiday, presumably to relax and having spent money on the trip...you've asked for feedback then shut him down when he gave it....was it honest and genuine? Then you refused to go to dinner leaving him either to starve or go alone .....
Sounds like you shouldn't have gone away and to be fair the trip has been pretty miserable for him too ...

I don’t condone his swearing at all but I would have probably lost it eventually if DH ruined a holiday by preparing for interviews and then when I gave feedback to try and help, went stroppy and didn’t want to go out for dinner, ruining the whole evening. And seeing as your BF says “again” sounds like it was more than than once.

And then to act all wounded and victimised when I finally lost it. I would have been fuming.

Telling you to fuck off is not ok, but otherwise I completely get his frustration.

Tbf, and having read the whole thread, and coming from a fairly sweary but still loving relationship, I would probably have told you to f* off as well. You sound like you realise how much hard work you've been though so you should probably just apologise and move on.

Op is also having an interview while on holiday. I would not be happy at that!

Its all gone quiet. Its either that make up sex or he's down the nearest taverna with a brass.

I’ve gone to stay somewhere else and he has said “have it your way if you want to escalate”. No apology or anything

He did what you asked of him, you obviously can’t take constructive criticism, are stressing yourself and him out at a time when your supposed to be most relaxed and you’re ridiculously over sensitive that you’d end a relationship because he (perfecfly
justified imo) told you to fuck off. You need to give your head a massive wobble and apologise profusely. If anyone should be getting on a plane it should be him.

Holy fook I feel bad now. Hope you can park tonights drama, swot for the interview tomorrow and pick things up afterwards.

I tend to think that you’re overreacting due to the stress you are under and also how it is affecting his holiday

Id probably tell you to fuck off at this point. I think he's reached his limit with you. I personally think this is dramatic staying somewhere else. I feel like you want him to chase you saying sorry when it sounds like you are equally to blame for things boiling over.

Have you apologised for your behaviour?
It would be the end for me if on holiday dh spent time interview prep, made me get involved, asked for a critique, then complained and stropped about being given critique, then has now flounced off spending yet more money on their own accommodation?
It sounds like you want to martyr, flounce and will only accept his crawling to you.

Honestly. I would of told you to fuck off if you were ruining my holiday with work bullshit