He has just told me to F off

[Confusedandconfusedandconfused]

Partner of 1.5 years, we are away together for a few days.

He gave me some feedback based on a job I am applying for and it bruised me. I asked if we could speak back in the room rather than in a public place and we haven’t been speaking for the last couple of hours. I’m feeling stressed as have an upcoming interview and the atmosphere is not good.

We had dinner plans and I just said I wasn’t feeling up to it. I have also had another rejection for a different job I was applying to and feeling quite low.

He has stormed off out of our hotel and shouted at me to “fuck off”. I fully intend to.

What do I do now? We are in a tiny village.

He is otherwise supportive kind and patient but swearing at me is a red flag and I don’t want to continue the relationship.

Where did OP say that she had the raving hump? That's some projection.

Refusing to talk, sulking, refusing to leave the room for dinner but not really giving an explanation.....she's either 3 or got the hump

Yes, your personal experience. It's called a spectrum for a reason and every autistic person is their own individual person with their own particular difficulties so I don't think you should speak for every autistic person.

Also, neither the OP or her partner are autistic.

Three years ago, I'd have told you that I wasn't autistic either. Then late diagnosis happened.

And the OP hasn't claimed to be NT. You are assuming that she is based on statistical likelihood. In the past, when I've done that on a threads, I've been rightly criticised for it. So you should be for your assumption.

She didn't say she was sulking. You have ascribed that motive to her. She gave a reason: she wasn't feeling up to it.

Option three: she might be nervous about her interview.

Option four: it might already be dawning on her that her "prince charming" is actually a frog. IME, events like these are seldom one-offs, they are the culmination of long-running earlier problems.

And after someone gives you feedback that you really didn't like and want to go back to your hotel room to talk about it in private....then go silent the two are totally not related. Pull the other one.
I think he might be realising she's more of a step sister than a Cinders. But obviously being male in some eyes he's always going to be wrong some women are not suited to relationships that don't put them on a peddle stall and need a yes dear grovel to be content. Rather than mutual respect.

When someone gives you feedback that you don't like, it makes you feel disheartened and pretty bad about yourself, and so you don't feel up to being sociable. Plastering on a smile and pretending things are fine is a) emotional repression, b) a lie to the people around you, and c) will build resentment that will kill your relationship worse than any row will.

I'm reading a book called "When The Body Says No" by Gabor Maté. It talks about how emotional repression and not dealing with stress properly makes us physically ill by destroying our immune systems. OP is being wise by being authentic in how she reacts to disappointment, she is safeguarding her health and being honest. She's also showing him the courtesy of not lying to him. Respect isn't based on lying, it's based on being truthful.

The people who think she should fake a smile and pretend things are OK are the ones being unreasonable here. I live in fear of people like you, because I cannot trust you.

Then the point is instead of saying I feel quiet she needs to verbalise I need time to consider what you've said ......as I and others have said before....rather than I'm fine just feeling quiet....she's not being honest to herself or her partner ...I think you need to reread the book if you think her words were honest.....nobody said she needs to pretend she's fine and smile but be honest and also accept he has the right to be upset at her taking over the break with her job search and the inability to tell him the truth but pretend she's fine treating him like an idiot

She did. She wrote: I said he hadn’t done anything and I was just feeling a bit stressed / not up to it.

You've misread another part of her post, in which she complains that on other occasions he has projected motives onto her that aren't actually accurate, as referring to the holiday incident.

In one of OP's subsequent posts she wrote "admittedly I was a bit annoyed" or something to that effect.

That right there is the truth. She was annoyed with him. Telling him it wasn't anything he had done is a lie.

If there are other occasions that he's tried to guess her moods then the more likely assumption based on this incident is that she's in the habit of lying about why she's gone quiet.

She was annoyed with him. Telling him it wasn't anything he had done is a lie.

The first doesn't prove the second. I'm annoyed with the IT Service Desk a lot at work, but it doesn't mean that their analysts have done anything wrong.

Read all her posts properly somebody who isn't honest over this occasion and later admits it probably has form and on this occasion he's judged it right. She says she was annoyed later on.

Are you the op under a different name ....I can't discuss this here let's go talk in private....then I'm not talking to you now we're in private because I'm not up to it ...totally unrelated to her being annoyed he told her what he thought in response to her asking for his opinion.

She said she wasn't up for dinner, not not up for talking about it.

I'm not the OP. I'm just baffled as why people think it's a good idea to prioritise appeasing a bloke over a job application.

Admittedly I wonder about that poster too. So so determined to argue that OP is in the right, to the extent of twisting everything in the OP to suit her narrative, that it’s truly strange!

There on holiday ..he's already sat watching her do application ....the one she asked for his advice on and threw back at him....he knows she has an interview tomorrow but also then wanted to sit in for the evening and forgo dinner. While sitting in silence. What has the op done to make it a break for him why did she even say she would go? What a waste of money and holiday allowance.

She also admitted to wanting to not talk and to be quiet.

Yes, it was a waste of money and annual leave. But redundancy doesn't care about your holiday timings and neither do recruiters when placing job adverts.

It wasn't a good use of money for my sister to bring her university coursework on holiday, but it turns out that OU lecturers don't care about your holidays either. I don't resent her for the time I spent reading whilst she struggled with complex equations.

These things happen and adults recognise that sometimes life shits on your plans.

I was going to comment on this too. Of course everyone is entitled to their opinion - but normally people will state their opinion and might debate a little with a couple of comments in the thread and then move on (especially when it reaches a point that there isn't anything new to say and the opinion is just being repeated).

If she isn't the OP under a different name, it's very strange she feels the need to argue with every single comment that doesn't align with her views (repetitively)...for 14 pages 🤔

Where on earth does she say she was made redundant?!

Implied by: I assume he just means the stress of my looking for a role.

Job hunting isn't stressful when you've got a secure job, unless your job is making you suicidal.

Because I'm trying to understand why my values are wildly different from yours and why yours don't make sense to me.

If I had worked hard all year looking forward to a holiday with my partner (who, by your own admission hasn't been easy to live with over the last few months) and my partner was petulant over something I thought was helping (not saying it was!), I think I would be upset too. It certainly isn't kind nor anything you expect from a loving partner but their are worse things than swearing at you and storming off. I think you are under stress. Maybe you shouldn't have wasted the money on the holiday right now. You did escalate it. I hope all turns out the way you want it to.

Argh so it is personal.....you know course work is predictable and deadlines are pre booked don't you?

Implied. Most do your posts are based on what you claim is implied or what you believe is going on rather than what OP herself has said. You are twisting her posts to suit your agenda that she has done nothing wrong and he’s an abusive prick.

You are clearly projecting which is a common thing that many people do. But it is very real that sometimes, the woman gets it wrong rather than the man.