DS super opportunity, super early start. Would you go the night before?

[Teenson]

Son, 16, got a chance for a week away doing some very cool but demanding stuff, sort of a maths academy .
We’ll have to leave the house at 6 on Monday for a lot of train journeys to get there at 8.45.
i thought if we got there the night before and stayed in a premier inn, son would be awake and refreshed the next day. DH can’t come as planned as he now has to be in work. He is not keen for DS and I to to go to a hotel without him, thinks it’s ok for us to go in the morning. He says DS leaving the house at 6 isn’t that much earlier than leaving at his usual 7.45 for school. I’m anxious about trains, being late and DS getting there tired and flustered. I’d like to leave the afternoon before and have a relaxed evening and early night, I don’t know if I’m being silly, wwyd ?

Get prices, see what’s available. You can always packs supper to take with you if you don’t want to go out out and eat

Definitely hotel. You can't rely on the trains at that time of day. You'll be stressed and flustered. Book the hotel and drive down. I've never stayed at a PI that didn't have some type of parking nearby. You could stay at One outside the ULEZ and get the tube in to the city (presuming London. If another Clean Air city you could do similar).
Early morning commuter trains booked at short notice are likely to be expensive anyway. Get your actual figures then make yourself an informed choice!

Definitely hotel. I drive everywhere now as I've been late for meetings so many times due to train cancellations and delays. Will take the stress out of it!

OP, if you give us an indication of where, we might be able for help find hotels.

staying at a premier inn with parking but near a train/tube station may combine best of both world.

To the poster asking about getting it for £150 - Sunday is one of the cheapest travel nights and there are several travelodges I can think of (Bethnal Green and Clapham junction for two) which are next to Pizza Huts or Wetherspoons so £150 is doable, though not sure about parking, probably an NCP.

If I could afford it I would book the hotel and make it a treat for you both. Have a nice evening together before get their refreshed the next day. That's the better option.

And there's a big difference between 6 and 745. !

Why doesn't your dh want you to?

I would go the day before. DH would want me to do the easiest for me.

I’d probably be an arse and suggest DH comes for the night in the hotel and then gets trains back to his work, if it’s so easy!

Have you got Railcards? A Two Together railcard costs about £30 and it might pay for itself in one trip if you’re going some distance. Also book through The Trainline for split ticket savings or another ticket splitter website. Enjoy the time with DS!

Just drive up the day before and stay in the hotel. Why does your DH need to be there too?

It isn’t but some people are really tight.

I too would have just booked the hotel. Op, when your dh says you need to earn more next time, you say but if I have equally mad deadlines and hours like you then ds simply can’t do things like <this> - you can’t take him, and it seems you don’t value my being able to do these things for him either, which is pretty disheartening to realise.

Book the hotel, apart from anything else this opportunity to have a one to one break with your DS is precious, and should be grasped.

Hotel the night before without a second of thinking about it. And my DH would not see the decision as being entirely mine as he’s not coming.

My lovely ds at 16 would have had a very good chance of missing the train, getting the wrong connection, missing his stop… the list of potential catastrophes is endless 😆 I grew up in London so trains are second nature, he didn’t, and we don’t have trains where we live, so they can be quite intimidating. Obviously everyone is different.

He is not keen for DS and I to to go to a hotel without him

I know you dint want to upset your dh but on that one tough.
IF this option is one that makes YOUR and your ds life easier then it’s ok to chose that. As he isn’t coming, he doesn’t get to say what’s ok or not - he isn’t going to live with the consequences!
This is even less the case because he’d have been happy to do so if he had been there!!

I do wonder why you dint think that going away on your own with our ds isn’t ‘you’. What do you mean by that? It sounds like you find it scary or feel you’re not able enough to pull it up.

fwiw I wouldn’t think twice about the hotel and would have booked it ages ago. Much nicer for you and your ds. An opportunity to spend time together 1-1 which is important top imo.
And leaving the house at 6.00am isn’t the same than leaving at 7.45am. Unless your dh wants to get up with you and take you to the station?

The money side …. makes me think it’s more about putting pressure on you agd making you feel bad about yourself (you’re earning enough, it’s not the right type of job etc…). I wouldn’t like it either.
However, I think youre doing really well. You have a job, you’re building it to be full time. It’s great (but will your dh then step up on all the HW and parenting I wonder….).

It’s the same people who are happy with a £50 takeaway Wo a second though.
It’s only forgoing two takeaways. Not being in a position where you’re not eating for two weeks. (And then yes I’d fully agree with you!)

6am isn’t too early to leave but I would be concerned about delayed trains etc.

If you can afford it, then get a cheap hotel for the night before.

@Teenson - Another vote here for going the night before and staying in a hotel. I wouldn't like being told I couldn't by my DH. It's not a waste of money, to go for the reasons you have said. It's sensible

We do the hotel thing, everyone likes it & it’s a nice break for those going & those at home!

OP

once the course starts, does DS have accommodation there and you head home?

Thanks everyone.
yes agodawful he’s grown up in the middle of nowhere so not used to trains etc. especially not in commuting time.
I was writing to say it’s luckily not a finance thing, but..I discussed it with DH who made the morning journey sound simple. Then said, ‘it’s up to you, I don’t want you to think I’m stopping you’. All fair enough. Can you guys help me understand what happens next?

So we are talking about how pleased son is at all the great stuff he brought in lidl. And had I bought train ticket, and how easy the journey is. as he makes bacon butties for him and son and then offers me one.
then I apparently put too much ketchup on my plate. ‘If there was a war on….a child would be told off for wasting that…’ etc. I said,‘it’s about 1p worth of ketchup.and I’m not a child, What about all the times you cook too many oven chips?’
I said, I feel that you begrudge me a Pennie’s worth of ketchup. He said I was twisting it, that’s not what he meant. But then he told me I should buy my own ketchup, and put regular income into the joint account.

and obviously this is the problem. I don’t earn much - I had to insist in taking a job he told me wasn’t worth doing and am slowly (too slowly) building it up.
I am aware I don’t earn much, so don’t spend much - I’m down to my last lipstick and don’t buy clothes.

I think hes fed up - he wants to go to a nice night with son and boss dumped this work on him before swanning off on holiday. He is feeling stressed about work and pensions. He is resentful as he feels he is the main earner. I feel resentful as it’s not easy to get a job and no job is good enough.

but then he wants to buy me a new car to get to work - mines not clean air compatible.
And he insisted on buying me a £500 I phone, against my wishes- it’s lovely, but I was happy with a cheap phone. yet complains about a tiny bit of ketchup. What’s going on??
I now feel all peculiar.

I'd get a cheap room and go to a local fast food type place to keep costs down.

Your DH is being ridiculous. Sounds like he'd be happy to spend the money if he was going, too, but doesn't want you to have a nice time with your son without him. Jerk behaviour.

sheila yes, I’m dropping him off for a week, so I’ll come home on the next train.

Financial abuse noises here, too, OP. I would quietly start looking for a better job or increasing your hours and quietly tucking some money away. You may need it.