Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DS super opportunity, super early start. Would you go the night before?

209 replies

Teenson · 08/06/2024 23:00

Son, 16, got a chance for a week away doing some very cool but demanding stuff, sort of a maths academy .
We’ll have to leave the house at 6 on Monday for a lot of train journeys to get there at 8.45.
i thought if we got there the night before and stayed in a premier inn, son would be awake and refreshed the next day. DH can’t come as planned as he now has to be in work. He is not keen for DS and I to to go to a hotel without him, thinks it’s ok for us to go in the morning. He says DS leaving the house at 6 isn’t that much earlier than leaving at his usual 7.45 for school. I’m anxious about trains, being late and DS getting there tired and flustered. I’d like to leave the afternoon before and have a relaxed evening and early night, I don’t know if I’m being silly, wwyd ?

OP posts:
feelingfree17 · 08/06/2024 23:31

Don’t let your DH dictate to you. Go down the night before, have a nice meal together, early night, stress free morning ready for your sons big day ahead.

You get to decide what is best for you, not DH.

maudelovesharold · 08/06/2024 23:39

It would be so much less stressful to get there the night before - good idea to stay in a PI, which doesn’t allow under 18s without a parent or guardian anyway, btw, for all the advocates of ‘he’s 16, just shove him out the door’.
How you approach your dh depends on what his objections are based on. I would tell him that it’s going to be so much easier not to have the stress of (often unreliable) train travel for an early morning deadline and for your ds to be on the spot, ready for the day.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 08/06/2024 23:39

Are the train connections better on a Monday than the Sunday ?

I'd weigh up the time travelling , (include building in a time buffer for a late train) get a taxi to the train station, buy breakfast for on the train.

Compare it to Sunday travel , 2x rooms if you want a seperate one for DS .

But do what is best for you and your DS , not your DH .

TeabySea · 08/06/2024 23:42

Go the night before and stay in a Premier Inn or whatevers cheap. It's much less hassle.

SouthLondonMum22 · 08/06/2024 23:43

DH doesn't get a say because he'll be at work anyway. You don't need his permission to stay in a Premier Inn.

haddockfortea · 08/06/2024 23:43

HcbSS · 08/06/2024 23:09

I would bet on it being because of the money!
Go for the hotel OP and enjoy the experience.

Show quote history

A premier inn is hardly megabucks is it?

BiscuityBoyle · 08/06/2024 23:45

It might well be that the train is notably cheaper the night before too. A train getting in at 8.45 will be expensive.

blacksax · 08/06/2024 23:46

Oh I get it. DH is pissed off because he now has to work and can't go. So he doesn't want you to either.

Fatotter · 08/06/2024 23:46

It doesn’t need to be angst.

Model a chilled approach for your son to learn from.

SheilaFentiman · 08/06/2024 23:51

So… if you go on the Sunday you would drive and on the Monday, you would
take the train, is that right?

Two peaks train fares may not be much more than two off peak fare and a P inn. Does the P inn have parking?

SheilaFentiman · 08/06/2024 23:52

Between DH and I, he would travel on the day, I would travel the night before, but each of us would trust the other to do what is best for us.

Hyperions · 08/06/2024 23:53

I'd definitely go the night before, you can have some quality time together and a calm start for a big week.

MrsTerryPratchett · 08/06/2024 23:56

yesterday DH was all, ‘you need to earn more’

What's this all about?

fashionqueen0123 · 09/06/2024 00:00

I would have booked it already. It’s weird your husband has a thing about it. Why would you feel anxious about making a trip easier for you and your son?

dancingdaisies · 09/06/2024 00:02

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the request of the poster.

Grendell · 09/06/2024 00:03

Getting up at 6:00 and traveling to be somewhere at 8:45 sounds like a normal morning work commute to me.

SheilaFentiman · 09/06/2024 00:07

Grendell · 09/06/2024 00:03

Getting up at 6:00 and traveling to be somewhere at 8:45 sounds like a normal morning work commute to me.

It does - but for a nervous 16 year old going on a course who normally gets up after 7am and who doesn’t have leeway for train delays, I can understand going the night before.

cannonballz · 09/06/2024 00:24

well 6am would be a later than normal start in this household, but realistically, I would just look at the prices. Peak train fair or off peak and hotel? Which is cheaper?

Original poster
Teenson · 09/06/2024 00:38

Thanks everyone! Luckily ive just remembered the clean air thing in the city - so I have to train, ancient car. I guess hotel and a pizza is an extra 150. It seems a lot. And yes, it’s just a commute, but we’ve not done this route before.
I dunno, I have a friend who would just book a really nice hotel and restaurant, it felt as if that would be really independent, and for a minute it felt I could do the same, but then I’m not her!
mrsterrypratchett I’m a big admirer of your posts on this board. Thanks for taking the time to help so many people.
I do have to earn more - DH has a full time job he gets very stressed at. I have a part time job that’s leading hopefully to more hours. It doesn’t pay as much as DH would like, but my theory is that it’s a job!

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 09/06/2024 00:53

Teenson · 09/06/2024 00:38

Thanks everyone! Luckily ive just remembered the clean air thing in the city - so I have to train, ancient car. I guess hotel and a pizza is an extra 150. It seems a lot. And yes, it’s just a commute, but we’ve not done this route before.
I dunno, I have a friend who would just book a really nice hotel and restaurant, it felt as if that would be really independent, and for a minute it felt I could do the same, but then I’m not her!
mrsterrypratchett I’m a big admirer of your posts on this board. Thanks for taking the time to help so many people.
I do have to earn more - DH has a full time job he gets very stressed at. I have a part time job that’s leading hopefully to more hours. It doesn’t pay as much as DH would like, but my theory is that it’s a job!

That's very kind!

Having a PT job and working to FT sounds great. It's what I did.

Original poster
Teenson · 09/06/2024 00:59

mrsterryp see that’s exactly the encouraging comment it’s so great to hear! Well done on the job front too.
cheers🍹

OP posts:
Ladyj84 · 09/06/2024 01:06

Done this many times with one or more of the kids overnight in a Travelodge or inn, hubby first put the idea to me 3 years ago and tbh it works much better all rested and ready to go next morning

coxesorangepippin · 09/06/2024 01:47

I'd do whatever is convenient and the least anxiety inducing for me.

Which would be to leave the night before.

Your DH can go walk, he isn't the one even bloody going!!

Ponderingwindow · 09/06/2024 01:54

Dd has a very active schedule that involves things like this. I never hesitate to get a hotel room to make sure we get a good night’s sleep and have a relaxed morning. We have the privilege of having the budget to do that, but it’s never even a question in my mind. I always get the hotel.

kkloo · 09/06/2024 05:01

Your son would probably be fine on day 1 if he had to get an early start, but your plan cuts out all of the anxiety so you should do it. And it will give you some lovely quality time with your son.

Imagine it was the other way around and your husband said 'I'm going to head up the night before and stay in a premier inn with ds'. I'm sure you'd say 'aw will that will nice' and that you wouldn't kick up a fuss. Your husband is being a dick