DS super opportunity, super early start. Would you go the night before?

[Teenson]

Son, 16, got a chance for a week away doing some very cool but demanding stuff, sort of a maths academy .
We’ll have to leave the house at 6 on Monday for a lot of train journeys to get there at 8.45.
i thought if we got there the night before and stayed in a premier inn, son would be awake and refreshed the next day. DH can’t come as planned as he now has to be in work. He is not keen for DS and I to to go to a hotel without him, thinks it’s ok for us to go in the morning. He says DS leaving the house at 6 isn’t that much earlier than leaving at his usual 7.45 for school. I’m anxious about trains, being late and DS getting there tired and flustered. I’d like to leave the afternoon before and have a relaxed evening and early night, I don’t know if I’m being silly, wwyd ?

Go the day before and get a hotel. Go early so you can have some 1-1 time, a meal and a wander around wherever it is.

Early morning trains are notoriously unreliable at the moment in my experience so definitely go the night before. 6am isn't early if everything could be guaranteed to run on time and to plan but with the event starting at &.45 you have absolutely no wiggle room if the trains let you down.

I’d get a hotel the night before, take some of the stress out of it and both of you can have some decent sleep beforehand. Sounds like your Dh is stressed and he’s taking it out on you, if you are generally worried about money then it can be a small thing that tips you over the edge but the focus should be on making this a good experience for your son.

Does your DH always insert himself and his moods into yours son’s experiences? This should be about your DS and not your husband, who sounds both petulant and miserly. We all work hard, mate.

We did this sort of thing quite often when ours were younger. Usually one of us went with whichever child the night before and either had a hotel picnic or dinner out. They remember those evenings of one to one very fondly.

My dd does a lot of competitions and often stay in a Premier Inn if the journey is 2 hours plus as we have to get there between 8 and 9.

Thank fuck I'm a single parent and can make these choices without a man stepping in to complain. We stay in a PI at any opportunity.

Get the hotel, look at a Travelodge not as nice as a PI but often a bit cheaper. Look at using Tesco points too. Go up the night before, take food with you if it's too expensive but their Breakfast and dinner meal deal is pretty good. Has DS got some birthday money he'd be happy to go halves with?

Then when you get home have a good talk with DH about the family finances, are you in some spiralling debt you don't know about? Is he worried about his job? Is he feeling the pressure of Primary breadwinner?

If you can stretch to it I'd stay the night before because we never seem to have much luck with trains. More so if you're needing to change trains. So much potential for delays and cancellations.

I'd go down with your DS and enjoy the time together then let him come home by himself.

If you decide to go in thr morning there will be stress re will the trains be on time, will the connections work etc.

You can do this. Book the hotel and pizza. It shows your son you are putting his interests first.

Your dh is not keen for you AND your son to go to a hotel without him?
Fascinating. Is he a Victoriaan?

I say hotel as you said the train journey involved a lot of trains. Plus the venue may not be near the train station either.

I wouldn’t hesitate to book a hotel for the night before - the trains here are so unreliable that I would not want to depend on getting anywhere on time.

Your son should be priority here. Use ur voice. If the thought of travelling there on the day makes u anxious, which will filter to ur son, then get a Premier Inn

I would have booked the hotel and told DH that's what I've done, rather than asking for permission first this sort of thing

Your DH is being weird. Go the night before, I would. I've taken my dc to uni interviews and stayed the night before for that exact reason.

If there's a clean air zone, you would need to pay a charge to take the car in, that's all. Likely still cheaper than peak time trains on a Monday morning.

You said 'many trains', how many are we talking about? The risk of being late increases with each one.

This seems like a good opportunity for you to become more confident in your independent decision-making. Add up the costs of both options. And then, assuming the household finances can support it, choose the one that you want to do and think is in DS' best interests. Not what your friend would do, or what your DH wants.

Hope your DS enjoys his week either way.

Are you in Saudi Arabia? I’m appalled that your DH gets to weigh in on this.

just on the hotel idea ; it’s the kind of thing I absolutely would do if it was an important event and I didn’t want to rely on perfect train connections or no traffic. Have done it a few times with teenage DS for school interviews or special holiday camps. We just got a twin premier inn room.

I find myself unable to make a decision. I don’t want to upset him,

And this, this is where you need to reread what you have said until the penny drops. He is controlling you through fear.

And people saying ‘that’s just a normal commute’ etc. They will have to leave the house at 6, not get up at 6, so most likely get up at 5 to have enough time to get ready. It might be normal to some of you but it isn’t to this boy and would make for a very long morning before he’s even arrived.

DH isn’t going. You are. Your choice.

If you’re happier going the day before then go the day before. It won’t be an enjoyable morning if you’re panicking about trains/being late etc.

I would go to the hotel. Don't need the stress on the morning.

Go and look up some numbers. Go on booking.com and travelodge site. See what the prices are.
Go on train line. See what the prices for travelling in the morning or travelling the evening before are and weigh it up.

Make a decision taking everything into account.
Even if hotel works out more expensive, it can still be worth it for the emotional side plus you could get a later train back and have a nice day or morning somewhere else.
If one side is ridiculously more expensive than the other, then I'd go with the better option.

Your dh is too controlling. He's probably been controlling you and manipulating you constantly which is why you find it hard to make a decision.