Would you find this level of stinginess unacceptable?

[WhingeyStingey]

I've been dating a man for a couple of months. He has many lovely qualities but has described himself as "tight" with money (although will happily spend ££££ on his hobbies).

For reference, I'm all about equity and have paid half for every meal we have had in restaurants. I also bought our coffees on our first date as he had travelled further (only 25 minutes though in total).

I've noticed the following behaviours which, frankly, have turned me off;

1. The first time he came to my house he turned up empty-handed. We had decided to cook a meal together and I had bought all the food, nice Gu desserts and alcohol. He did message on his way to ask if I needed anything picking up from the shop for the meal but obviously I had already got everything by that point. If it were me, I would have come with a bottle of wine or flowers (if a female friend).

1. That same evening, we nipped to the local pub after the meal and he let me pay for the drinks (we just had one each). I offered to pay so I guess it was my fault but now feel he should have paid as I had laid on the all food/dinks at my house.

1. We went for a meal and then to a fancy cinema. He drove (20 mins). I paid for parking (£10!) . We split the meal bill. The cinema tickets were on me as I have a membership and get 6 "free" tickets a year. We had a drink in the cinema and again, he let me pay. He made some comment about how he doesn't generally fork out for coffee but he is always happy to accept one if someone wants to buy him one!

Maybe it's me that has the problem and I should just stop offering. I'm quite a generous person and don't usually keep score but I've started to with him due to noticing these behaviour patterns. Would you be bothered by his tightness?

Yes it would, sympathy for someone who is on a low income, but that is not the case here.

Dump him.

He is on a very decent income.

Yes that's very unattractive. Fine if he doesn't want to spend money on himself, but why does he keep letting you pay for him without reciprocating?

I got stung with one of these.
Please let him go!

Stop offering free tickets and paying for drinks. See what happens.

But yes, he seems tight af. I'd dump if trying the above doesn't help.

Also, is it worth trying to discuss this with him? I find the thought of embarrassing him by pointing this stuff out quite awful.

Yes he is taking advantage of you. It will only get worse.

He is clearly very mean and if he is like this at the beginning he will not get any better.

I would find this so off-putting and would stop seeing him. If you want to continue a little longer then please stop offering to pay and see if he is embarrassed to sit there and wait to be paid for. I suspect he won't be bothered, you have to have a thick skin to be that stingy.

I should, it's just that, when standing in the pub or cinema lounge and I want a drink, I'm not just going to order only for myself. It's naturally to me to offer him one too.

He's embarrassing himself, though!

What a tight arse. Dump him.

He has told you he is tight to stop you from calling him out. Don't have kids with this man, you'll be stressed out on mat leave re finances. I could go on.

Very stingy & off putting - unless he is genuinely on a very low salary - in which case he shouldn't be accepting 'expensive' dates. To turn up for dinner (whether in a relationship or just to friends) without at least a bottle/chocs or flowers is very rude ... unless a casual beans on toast type meal before going off to do something else.
And the fact that he admits 'happy to accept a coffee if someone else pays' says it all really.
Good bye !

If you like him, maybe it's worth saying it. This is the sort of behaviour people can change. It might end the relationship but if it does then you were better off out of it. Definitely not worth putting up with.

I suspect he will say 'I told you I was tight' as if you accepted this at the start of the relationship though.

It is very rude that he did not turn up with flowers/wine for the meal at your home.

Not worth your effort. Someone that needs to be told, changed or have the obvious pointed out to them in the initial stages really isn't going to be long term relationship material. I would move on.

He'll only get worse. Bin.

Totally unacceptable and off-putting. He’s showing you exactly what he’s like, it’s up to you whether you accept it. He won’t change!

Somebody who admits to being "tight" would give me the massive ick. This won't get better. What an unattractive trait. I'd cut him out.

Stop offering and see what happens.

No, it’s not worth trying to discuss it with him unless you want to set yourself up for the same conversation every week for the rest of your life. It won’t change and would be miserable to live with so there’s no Lonny going any further.

Talk to him about what? Point out that he allows you to pay for more than he does? That he turns up at your house empty handed? That he is happy to drink coffee provided you buy it?

He knows all of this already. If you are hoping to educate / change him you are wasting your time.

Can you imagine Christmas or birthdays with him? Nah, I really wouldn't bother.

That is very unattractive. I probably would try to discuss it with him first though- depends on whether you want to keep on seeing him. Fwiw I was quite a stingy teen (I know it's a bit different as low income) til a family member gently suggested making a bit more effort with presents etc- and it worked.

Ugh! Dump this tightwad. He sounds even worse than my XH and believe me, XH was mean. Being with someone so selfish wears you down, way, way down.