Would you find this level of stinginess unacceptable?

[WhingeyStingey]

I've been dating a man for a couple of months. He has many lovely qualities but has described himself as "tight" with money (although will happily spend ££££ on his hobbies).

For reference, I'm all about equity and have paid half for every meal we have had in restaurants. I also bought our coffees on our first date as he had travelled further (only 25 minutes though in total).

I've noticed the following behaviours which, frankly, have turned me off;

1. The first time he came to my house he turned up empty-handed. We had decided to cook a meal together and I had bought all the food, nice Gu desserts and alcohol. He did message on his way to ask if I needed anything picking up from the shop for the meal but obviously I had already got everything by that point. If it were me, I would have come with a bottle of wine or flowers (if a female friend).

1. That same evening, we nipped to the local pub after the meal and he let me pay for the drinks (we just had one each). I offered to pay so I guess it was my fault but now feel he should have paid as I had laid on the all food/dinks at my house.

1. We went for a meal and then to a fancy cinema. He drove (20 mins). I paid for parking (£10!) . We split the meal bill. The cinema tickets were on me as I have a membership and get 6 "free" tickets a year. We had a drink in the cinema and again, he let me pay. He made some comment about how he doesn't generally fork out for coffee but he is always happy to accept one if someone wants to buy him one!

Maybe it's me that has the problem and I should just stop offering. I'm quite a generous person and don't usually keep score but I've started to with him due to noticing these behaviour patterns. Would you be bothered by his tightness?

Try a date where you don’t offer first. If he doesn’t offer to pay, then you pay for yourself but that would be the last date for me.
what does it matter if you offend him, your not going to see him again if he doesn’t offer.

Total tightarse. Throw him back.

He bought me half a pint on our second date actually. That's it.

That discussion would be pointless as he told you he is tight, he doesn’t pay for drinks and his actions have confirmed his words.

The man knows and accepts who he is, so keep paying or throw him back.

Tonight's show is pay-on-the-door. He will drive to mine, we will cook something together and then one of us will drive to the venue. I actually don't know if I can be bothered with this. I might just end it now.

Shame you have show tickets! Would cancel the cooking and just meet him there.

Seems that, unlike you, he does NOT care about equality and prefers to spend your money. Rubbish!

wouldn’t be surprised if he has some bad attitudes about financial arrangements in his separation.

You can’t tell if he’s a ‘good dad’ just from conversations with him.

I think you need to stop offering, and if things like the cinema say are you getting the drinks In then.

i find things like this are surprisingly annoying, it just feels like you’re having the piss taken out you.

Just seen he’s going through a divorce too OP. Honestly I would end it now!

oh, you haven’t bought the tickets, that’s good, just cancel then!

if he's putting such little effort in now when he is meant to be on his best behaviour then god only knows what he'll be like in say 5 year's time

100%

This is him in the early stages, supposedly trying to impress the OP!

It’s not sounding very positive and you’re already questioning whether you even want to see him tonight.

If you can be bothered you could give him one last chance tonight.

OP needs to take accountability for her decision making and communication skills. so much people pleasing and poor judgment going on here that she isn’t acknowledging.

This guy is still married probably feeling the financial pinch of the divorce process /being newly single so he’s decided to let someone else pay for him, which is not a great sign of his character. He may even feel women owe him if he has resentment from the divorce.
However it’s too easy to point fingers at this guy - even after they throw this stingy guy away OP needs to sit and figure out how they’re not going to have a repeat of this and reflect on why they kept offering to pay?

If you don’t end it now, you need to text dinner is <meatballs> so could you bring some wine?
And then assume he is driving to the venue. Do NOT drive. ‘No honestly why would you think I’m driving ? I have done most of the driving to date, You have to drive home anyway and I’ve cooked you dinner - didn’t anyone ever tell you nobody likes a selfish fucker?

Honestly, OP

I think ending it would be the safest and best thing for you to do.

RUN. And don't look back.

Serious Red Flags all over.

Nope. No point to any discussion. Bin. Next.

If it payon the door 💯 cancel and dump

I'm not sure why you're even considering continuing with this. Even if you stop paying for things, or actually have it out with him - he's shown you his true self now. You shouldn't have to 'test things out' to see if he'll pay, or tell him to pay. Its so embarrassing what he's doing - it really is.
I once dated a guy (yes I can pick them too) who didn't earn a lot but didnt have rent or a car to pay for (I'm a single mother). I used to drive miles to pick him up and then drop him back home again. He would always stay at mine but we always went halfs on everything. Looking back he should have been paying way more because the amount of petrol I was using. I would never date someone tight ever again!!!!

I agree. He knows. He's unashamed about it - unashamed enough that he literally told the OP that he'll happily accept coffees but never buy one.

Yes I'd do this. Assume he is oblivious and you are rushing to pay for stuff anyway or saying don't bring anything.

So start saying " your round" or "can you pick up some wine on your way"

Ok, please don't shoot me for another drip feed but this thread has evolved! I was meant to spend all day with him today. He wanted us to go on a 3 hour hike and asked me to make the packed lunches for us (to be fair, he did bring left over curry to heat up over a camp stove in a picturesque place on another date.... and I brought the camp cooler, plates, cutlery and dessert!)!

It got to 9pm last night and he still hadnt confirmed when or where we were to meet (I did ask) and I just told him I wouldn't be doing the hike and was unimpressed that he had not confirmed details since he KNOWS I have a very full on weekend due to commitments to caring for elderly relative. So the date has now been pared down to just dinner and show tonight .

Ok your update isn’t helping this man at all.

Heating up left over curry on a camp stove!

oh dear. Seems like he wants a brand new girlfriend to do things his wife presumably did! Not attractive.

you have been a mug here!

if you go ahead with this evening with your current passivity bet you’ll buy food, cook, drive to the show, pay for parking, buy your ticket, buy both your drinks, and have sex with the freeloader!

give it a miss and save yourself the time and cash.

Given your latest update, I'd cancel tonight.

Gently , please get some therapy around your relationship choices

This man is dire. I mean AWFUL

Your last bloke was an addict who was skint

Please take some time out from dating to find out what is right for you and why you are attracting these unsuitables

I know someone who dated a man like this, years ago now but looks like men don’t change 😂

she decided to test him, so tonight when he comes for dinner if he phones and asks like before, just casually say oo a bottle of wine would be good .

I know she planned to arrive at the venue and need a wee just as they reached to ticket office. Not sure if or how this worked out

the crunch came when they went to the bar, staff came over, she said “glass of wine please” then said “ just need to powder my nose “ and vanished gave him 5 minutes went back, he was stood at the bar still drinking his drink talking to the bar man, turn to her and said “are they you are, you didn’t leave money for the drinks and as it’s your choice to drink here ? ‘ she paid drank and left 😂