Can we get married when I have no contact with his family or children?

[Longstockin]

We have a really strong happy relationship, we have both made huge sacrifices for our relationship and those changes have been super positive. We are expecting our first child together, our wedding is booked for next year. However, I have no contact with his family or children. I don't see that changing, so he sees them without me. I feel very bitter about this but at the same time I don't like them and maybe won't be able to ever forgive them for certain things. Can a relationship last with this being the situation. I love him more than I can put in to words but this will always be a huge argument and resentment. Of course I don't want him to not see nor speak to them that isn't an option, so my question is can this relationship last with it being this way. Feeling broken and confused

Why is there no contact? For his entire family to not speak to you, there must be some history there.

If you're expecting a child with him then you're already tied to him. The horse has already bolted here.

Hmm not the kids but the family, assume some issues have occurred and he hasn’t stood for you hence your withdrawal. I’d say it could work if he also didn’t have contact with the family but it’s not the case. I imagine you’ll always resent him for “choosing” them.

with the kids, they’re there forever. Even at 18 they’ll still be present. How is it going to work them seeing their sibling and you not being around. If you intend to exclusively breast feed they won’t be able to see their sibling for a long while. How will you cope, your baby being away from you whilst they see the baby?

go with what your gut tells you. I fear you already know but it’s too painful xx

No one knows the future, but if you don't like them and they don't like you it's probably best if you don't see them.
I guess if they are older children, maybe teens - adult you could carry on as you are, but if they are little I would say you should try to see them a bit more and try to build a bit of a relationship with them.

Yes, you can get married. His family don't have to be there? Is that your worry? As a pp has said, since you're having a baby together, you're already tied to him. You'll always need to co-parent with him even if you split.

Just elope or do a small, registry office type thing. I know a few couples who did this for similar reasons!

This! I'm guessing there's a back story that might throw some light on context here?

What is going to happen with regard to your baby having contact with their half siblings and their father’s extended family?

Are you on the same page with that?

Bit late to be worrying about that now.

Why do you have zero contact with any of his family? What have they done that you can't forgive? Seems like a messy situation to be bringing another child into but stable doors and bolted horses and all that.

Exactly. It can range from OP being the OW to her partner’s family simply being super possessive and not wanting him to be in a relationship at all. And the advice will depend on the reasons.

Surely the baby is more problematic than the wedding in this situation? You don’t need to see them if you are married, but if your partner is seeing them then he is likely to take your baby to see them too. Can you cope with that idea?

There's a lot of history. Our relationship was very very very toxic, he was doing drugs drinking and being violent, I became homeless. His family weren't there when I cried for help yet when he was there causing them the same grief he was me with my son here, they would reach out asking me to help them. I told them how disgusting they were and a few other harsh home truths. We haven't spoken since. Like I said in my original post massive changes have been made and non of that happens anymore and we are now very strong and very much in love. His children are young 8 and 5 he was previously married, she does not want the children around me and he still has to go to his Mums to see them. I am planning on breast feeding as I have my other 2. His eldest son is really a horrible little boy but I understand that he is young and his behaviours are probably out of confusion and jealousy. I haven't seen them for over a year now. I understand that I eventually may have too when his ex wife decides that's allowed but my anger, resentment and bitterness I don't know if I can. He has thrown lots of things in my face in the past in regards to his ex and his kids and no matter how much I try to shake it I can't. Again like I said when their family aren't mentioned (it is very irregular) we are so strong. I know it sounds like a choice and it's not one I could ever ask or want from someone, so the choice really is mine. I just don't know if being married to someone while they have a separate life is a possibility and if others have managed to do this successfully?

Reading your update - no don’t marry him, run for the hills! It sounds like he really is the problem rather than his family.

Jesus there’s so much to unpack here. None of it good.

Why are you bringing a baby into this mess?
Why did you call his family disgusting when HE is the disgusting one?
Why would you want to stay with him? Desperation?

This sounds really toxic op. Don't marry him ! You've got your two dc and a baby to think about.

Honestly, after this update, I genuinely regret telling you your relationship is indeed doomed.

It sounds like an absolute shit show. Presumably you're not the OW, so you've been together maybe 3 years ish I'm guessing? And all that drama in such a short time, and now you're pregnant and wanting to get married?

It sounds incredibly chaotic, and no matter how 'in love' you are, I think his family are the least of your problems.

Maybe his son has issues from previously having a drug addict for a dad, rather than being a horrible little boy jealous of you?

Also, how long has he been clean? Doesn't sound that long if his youngest child is five and you've already got toxic history in that gap.

I called them disgusting because they allowed his behaviour and yet when they couldn't cope with it they begged me to help them/him, knowing what that would result in. Yes I know having a baby probably is a huge mistake, but, he's growing away and not too much longer till he is here. I know i am very capable of loving him and doing it on my own if it does come to that. I also know if we stay together he will also do the same he has made huge changes and he's done that for us, but, again, my resentment totally takes over. We have booked wedding abroad his family are coming (not his children)

İts also strange that you can forgive a man for being violent towards you but not some people you don't know very well for not going out of their way to be there for you, when you chose to be with him?

Jesus Christ, you're bringing a child into this shitshow? Good luck with that

You're in complete denial. Your 'partner' is a wrong 'un and your poor kids deserve better.

He has been clean for a year we've been together 2.5 years. So all that was in the first 18 months. It was obviously horrendous with social care involved and pdas etc, we love each other and like I've said he's changed massively really does do everything he can to make things ok. I know I am the problem in regards to how I feel, the resentment. Yes I know what I went through with him so I can only imagine what his ex did so again I understand why his son is the way he is.

How old are your children op?

You aren’t the problem.

‘His eldest son is really a horrible little boy…’

He is an eight year old boy. This is a shocking way to speak about a boy who has clearly dealt with trauma from his relationship with a violent, drug and drink addled thug for a dad! You sound like a peach!

And you plan to keep your children around this man and are now pregnant by him? No good can come from this. None at all!