Can we get married when I have no contact with his family or children?

[Longstockin]

We have a really strong happy relationship, we have both made huge sacrifices for our relationship and those changes have been super positive. We are expecting our first child together, our wedding is booked for next year. However, I have no contact with his family or children. I don't see that changing, so he sees them without me. I feel very bitter about this but at the same time I don't like them and maybe won't be able to ever forgive them for certain things. Can a relationship last with this being the situation. I love him more than I can put in to words but this will always be a huge argument and resentment. Of course I don't want him to not see nor speak to them that isn't an option, so my question is can this relationship last with it being this way. Feeling broken and confused

Surely his children haven't done anything unforgivable? Your resentment must be directed at the mum? I can't understand why you wouldn't forge a relationship with the siblings of your unborn baby.

Fucking hell. If this is true your feelings for an 8yo child alone would have me saying run.

What happens at Christmas? And what will happen next Christmas?

His eldest son is horrible there is no way to sugar coat it I have also expressed I understand why, but yes he is a horrible little boy that's factual regardless of the reason which like I've repeated I understand.

My children are 21 and 14

Why are you blaming his family for this? His behaviour has caused it all, it’s not a good environment to be bringing a child into.

I can't believe you called an eight year old child a "horrible little boy"!

That's awful, OP.

And good luck with your previously violent, drug addicted boyfriend. You're going to need it.

Jesus. Anyone thinking they might not be able to forgive an 8 year old and 5 year old shouldn’t be having a relationship with their father, let alone having children with him.

And given he had a massive part in making his child “horrible” why would you want to have children with him?

The child is damaged by his father’s behaviour, your anger is all misplaced in this whole situation.

He’s fucking 8. If you think you’ve been through it how do you think he feels. Jeez.

Sounds like the two of you belong together so perhaps it will work.

Xmas we do together and then he goes to his children at his mums one of the other days. My resentment is at his family and his ex yes, again, probably the ex due to him, he's said some horrendous things to me about how she's better etc and in the past posted comments about how she's always been the one. These were done and said during the time of drink and drugs but it still lingers, she won't let the children be around me and he has to see them at his Mums.

You're mad at his family and son when he's a violent drug addict?! I have no words. You're mad at the wrong people. I can't believe you'd bring a man like that into your child's lives and have a baby with him. I pity all the children tangled up in this horrible mess.

I disagree. The Op is happy to idolise the violent drug addicted man she's only been with for 2.5 years, and presumably subjected her own children to as well. I'd say, trying to be charitable, that the OP's boundaries are shot and she has no idea what healthy relationships look like. So I'd say she's very much a part of the problem.

This just gets worse.

What a nasty thing to write about an eight year old.

I hope his ex and their family continue to keep you away from those children and him fully supervised when he has access to them.

And you blame his ex as well?! 🙄 blame anyone but the man himself, eh? He's done a proper number on brainwashing you.

"she won't let the children be around me and he has to see them at his Mums."

Probably just as well seeing as you clearly can't stand them!

But it was his behaviour not theirs, yet you’re having a baby with him and no contact with them?

I could cry for all the children involved in this absolute mess.

Good god. Definitely don't marry him. Why dig yourself further into this mess?

Jeez what a shit show to bring a baby into, poor kid. I feel for all the children in this. You sound really jealous of his ex. She probably doesn't want him to have the children by himself based on past behaviour. Also you are being horrible about a child.

I'm not angry at the children his younger son is a very loving little boy again I understand why his oldest one is the way he is and I tried my hardest with him while we were in contact. I am not sure how better to word my words than explain how he is, he is spiteful and does naughty things to get a reaction, I am fully aware of why, it does not however make it tolerable. I don't know how else to explain him than how I have.

So you hate his ex because HE has said basically that he loves her more? Not because she has done anything to you?

You also don’t want to be around his kids because HE screwed them up with his behaviour?

Why can’t you see HE is the problem and everyone including you are victims of him?

He has spent over half of your relationship as a violent drug-addicted mess! Most people would have left him then, this sounds like a train wreck of a life for everyone around your despicable man.

What a pathetic way to live.

He's been sober/non violent for 8 months and you are pregnant?

Pity the children. All of them.

Like I've said he really has made changes huge changes. It was a messy divorce all his fault. I suppose in a weird way when you break it down I am jealous of her, I also understand that's due to him, she did cause a little bit of trouble but in her defence it was over money etc and she gave my address etc so they could reach him, this was beginning of relationship. He has hurt both her and I and I suppose this is the result of it. I don't deal with my emotions very well, hence I've turned here for advice. I am struggling to make sense of it all because 90% of the time we are amazing (since the changes) he is calmer, he is patient kind and gentle. Maybe again I am the issue as the past does play games with my head when family etc are mentioned, it's like a trigger for me. These triggers I guess will always be there though, maybe I am deluded thinking that we could move on and all would be great, maybe some of you are correct.