Can we get married when I have no contact with his family or children?

[Longstockin]

We have a really strong happy relationship, we have both made huge sacrifices for our relationship and those changes have been super positive. We are expecting our first child together, our wedding is booked for next year. However, I have no contact with his family or children. I don't see that changing, so he sees them without me. I feel very bitter about this but at the same time I don't like them and maybe won't be able to ever forgive them for certain things. Can a relationship last with this being the situation. I love him more than I can put in to words but this will always be a huge argument and resentment. Of course I don't want him to not see nor speak to them that isn't an option, so my question is can this relationship last with it being this way. Feeling broken and confused

Yes. OP, don’t marry him, and raise your child alone.

Fucking hell I thought I’d read some shit relationships in here but this one wins the gold medal in the Jeremy Kyle Olympics.

Yet another one who puts dick before kids and blames everyone else for the complete and utter car crash of her own making.

I feel desperately sorry for the poor children being dragged through this dysfunctional abusive horror show. Has this vile creature you’re determined to stroll up the aisle with but a cock made of diamonds ffs

And it’s not his family that’s wrong - it’s you and this thing you’re putting on a pedestal while your kids suffer.

Just horrendous all round.

Is this really what you want your kids growing up thinking is normal? Seriously give your head a wobble and put your kids first rather than have a random POS in your bed.

And don’t date again until you’ve had lots of therapy and learned how to be alone and recognise a bad relationship.

I wouldn't want my children around what we were too, even though obviously my son was very much around. That is all in the past, that doesn't happen anymore

That is an unbelievably narcissistic way at looking at things. Best of luck @Longstockin you are going to need it for the intergenerational trauma that is going to be passing down to your children. Your behaviour is absolutely atrocious. You have no appropriate boundaries and you are irresponsible for getting pregnant by this man.

What the fuck ?
Grow up op, this arsehole that yp3u insist on defending is going to screw up you and his children. And most probability your 14 yr old.
Pathetic and selfish.

Another case of dick before kids! 🙄

You keep saying he has changed, but he actually hasn't. He's a cheater. A druggie. An abuser. A terrible partner. A disgrace of a father. He may not be doing those things right now, but he is still the same person he was when he did do those things. He has dragged you down, and your poor son has had to pay the price for it. You talk like you realise how awful it is that your son went through all that. But I don't think you do. Because if you did, you would have removed that man from your life. Instead, you've done the opposite - you've tied yourself to him forever. Is this who you are? A selfish person who puts their own wants and needs before everyone else. Even children.

What an absolutely toxic mess. Given his past behaviour I can only see this ending in tears. How bloody irresponsible to bring a new baby into this situation. I feel so sorry for all the children involved, yours and his.

Poor 8 year old
Poor baby
Poor other kids
God op you let this man into your children's lives. What the actual fuck.

Another never ending cycle, how on earth can you have a child with this person let alone marriage

No is the answer

I always defend OPs on here when everyone piles in. This time there's no way. Why on earth is he this wonderful loving man after how he has behaved? Why on god's earth is an 8 year old a horrid boy. Kids are always always horrible for a reason. His disgrace of a father and your ridiculous enabling alongside scapegoating the poor blimmin kids will be the reason. I suspect you just want his kids out the way now so you can play happy families. What an absolute mess.

Honestly op, dont marry him. He is a violent drug addict thats been clean 12 months. Hes still a drug addict in recovery. Its still early days.

i feel sorry for all of the children caught up in this. Especially the 8 yo who is clearly having issues. Does he have counselling? Poor child 😞

put the wedding off for the time being. See how he steps up being a dad again, how he looks after baby etc. it’s difficult to get divorced, easier to walk away if youre not married.

I think a couple of well aimed bricks should do the trick

OP you sound an amazing albeit a little deflated incredible mother, stay there and keep going ...seriously you got this...dig deep, good luck xx

All in the past
you've known him 2.5 years and he's been clean a year, it's hardly 20 years ago.
How on earth can you marry him after what your poor son has been witness to?
There are other men in the world or better yet stay single.

OP oh also, don't marry!

Posted on the wrong thread?

say what now?

His 8 year old is NOT horrible!

His 8 year old is a VICTIM of his addicted and VIOLENT father. All behaviour is a form of communication. Think about that before you call a child names.

You are asking for one shit show of a life here. Your poor baby being brought into this mess.

Your midwife will update your maternity notes with " Known to social services"
Before they do take a huge step back and really try to think about what's best for you and all of your DC
Here's a clue.,, it's not with his guy
SS will want to see evidence you can safeguard your DC
You certainly are not doing that now
What a mess

Goodness. I don’t see how this can possibly be a healthy environment for you or your baby or his children. You seem to have forgiven your partner for violence, drugs and abuse by displacing your anger on to small children and his ex wife. It’s not a lasting strategy. I think you need should separate for everyone’s sake.

Why oh why are you marrying him? Why are you giving him security over your kids by doing that? What will marrying him improve in you and your kids life? I married a man like yours. Such an error. It took 9 years after the divorce to extract ourselves from him.

Don't have children with this man.

Dont marry him, whatever shit he does in future, and let's face it he's capable of really really screwing up your life, you'll be legally tied to him. Shit sticks.

get out while you can.

Remaining in the relationship is the worst form of self-harm. If only you could see that.

Keep your finances separate, so a bank account only you can access, I wouldn't trust a druggie not to drain it.