Can we get married when I have no contact with his family or children?

[Longstockin]

We have a really strong happy relationship, we have both made huge sacrifices for our relationship and those changes have been super positive. We are expecting our first child together, our wedding is booked for next year. However, I have no contact with his family or children. I don't see that changing, so he sees them without me. I feel very bitter about this but at the same time I don't like them and maybe won't be able to ever forgive them for certain things. Can a relationship last with this being the situation. I love him more than I can put in to words but this will always be a huge argument and resentment. Of course I don't want him to not see nor speak to them that isn't an option, so my question is can this relationship last with it being this way. Feeling broken and confused

Why on earth are you even thinking of tying yourself this man? Do you think people change? Really? If you're old enough to have children you are old enough to know that people don't change.

@Longstockin you've had some really harsh and honest things said to you here (along with a lot of judgment).

It sounds like you've had a really traumatic time yourself and coped with a lot.

I can see that you feel your partner has made massive changes and you hope things can be easier and calmer now but I fear for you and I fear for your children.

It does sound like he's made a lot of changes but it's very early days and generally violent men revert to that behaviour unless they're had a serious amount of help and support to change.

Pregnancy and childbirth is a really risky time in DV relationships and I worry that things could escalate again. You'll both be tired, he won't be your focus. The healthiest relationship is heavily tested by a new baby.

Your son has experienced this domestic abuse, he will have been frightened and traumatised by this and now he is expected to live with the man that caused this.

I imagine he will be frightened about this happening again, maybe walking on eggshells, not wanting to cause any arguments. The fear doesn't stop when the violence does and your son is being expected to live with an abuser.

This will be further traumatising him and it's absolutely not ok. You are continuing to fail to protect him.

Your baby is at risk too. They too could well experience violence and abuse in their childhood.
You could have social services involved again, questioning why you are potentially exposing another child to this mess.
You are not the cause and you are not responsible for his behaviour but you do have a choice about whether you stay.

There is no relationship with his family and you don't see his children.

There is so much here that is against this relationship standing any chance of surviving.

It sounds like you are isolated. What's the deal with your own family? Do you have parents, siblings, friends that are yours and not his?

My advice would be for you to make plans to leave before your baby is born.
Get help from DV orgs and housing.

Get out and get prepared for your baby in peace and safety.

Please believe me that none of what I have said above is meant with anything but kindness and understanding. I am not judging or blaming you but I am placing the responsibility to break this chain on you. You have to act.

How have social services been okay with you staying with this guy? Do they even know you’re back together if there’s been intervention for the children?
drug addicts very rarely change, it takes a lot for them to complete recovery and I’m not sure this guy will stay clean by everything you’ve said on this thread. I’m really shocked tbh, it sounds horrendous especially for all the children involved.

I don’t think social care know they’re together as they would 100% be involved with a baby on the way given the history. OP I think you need to be honest with them and accept the support they will offer. If you keep lying to them you risk losing your baby and I can tell that’s not what you want

This. I am blown away tbh and I've seen some shit in rl and read even more shit on here.
I dont know what to say apart from this... @Longstockin if you stay with this fucking reprobate, you are in for a LIFETIME of misery, drugs, violence, social services involvement and knowing that throughout all of it, you still ain't his one. His ex is.
I have no idea why you thought getting with him was a good idea, why staying with him during the early days was a good idea, why consistently putting him before your youngest child was a good idea and why blaming an 8 YEAR OLD for a bad attitude with the 'father' he's been lumbered with is a good idea.
You getting pregnant to and marrying this 'man' is pure, unadulterated desperation for a man, any man, on your part. Congratulations.

She's already pregnant,

Absolutely this. I’ve seen some appalling threads on here where a women prioritises dick over kids but this one has to be the worst I’ve read.

It doesn’t seem to matter that the poor children involved in this shit show will be irreparably damaged as long as the OP gets to walk down the aisle with this fucking prince.

And to blame an 8 year old child for having a bad attitude when he’s got this piece of shit for a father - honestly words fail me.

Your poor teenage son having to be dragged through this abusive car crash of a life at such a pivotal time in his life. And your poor poor baby being born to such piss poor selfish parents.

This. Those poor, poor children.

Shame they've cancelled the Jeremy Kyle show...

@SamW98

”Absolutely this. I’ve seen some appalling threads on here where a women prioritises dick over kids but this one has to be the worst I’ve read.
It doesn’t seem to matter that the poor children involved in this shit show will be irreparably damaged as long as the OP gets to walk down the aisle with this fucking prince.
And to blame an 8 year old child for having a bad attitude when he’s got this piece of shit for a father - honestly words fail me.
Your poor teenage son having to be dragged through this abusive car crash of a life at such a pivotal time in his life. And your poor poor baby being born to such piss poor selfish parents.”

This.

Hopefully Social Services will become involved asap.

OK., thanks for pointing that out.

the second part still applies, but I have no confidence the OP is bothering to take on board any of what's being said on this thread. Unbelievable. We wasting our time.

Pull the other one...

Your deluded,pack your bags and run! This has got disaster written all over it.

Reading your update you have clearly been through a LOT with your kids, and your partner dying and it looks like you wound up in this mess because that meant you couldn't see clearly. To have gone yourself away from him and the speed at which you are right back in a relationship adding a pregnancy on top of it is worrying to say the least. You really need to put the brakes on this wedding, get yourself into counselling and focus on the new baby and your other kids and take things verrrrryyy slowly. Do leave yourself vulnerable to having to find a new home again. Your anger at everyone else's isn't justified and you know that deep down, you are mad at him and yourself, but you are not in too deep yet that you can't drag yourself out and just take a breath
What is going to happen re the baby and social services, presumably they will be v concerned?

Exactly what a vile thing to say especially about a kid who has a drug addict for a father and has experienced parental separation.

Nothing else to add that hasn’t been said before other than these kind of family dynamics/ shit shows are what clog up services like SW and CAMHS up with shit show parents that put their own needs before their children’s.
I mean just how many children are being adversely affected by you and your partners behaviours.