Handhold because DH hates my birthday present (trip to cornwall)

[Miserableinpenzance]

Dh is a difficult person to buy presents for which is why I am currently sitting in a sleeper train to penzance in tears. He said its the worst present ever for a light sleeper like him and he also threw a massive strope last night cos he said the concept of sleeper train was filthy cos he couldn't shower in the train (first class lounge paddington had showers which he did eventually use)

It was his birthday present as he loves travel so i thought would be a good present (He books us holidays on a monthly basis). It turns out he hates sleeper trains (he had only been once before but that was during covid and on the Caledonian which was being quite badly run at the time so I thought it was a one off that he didn't like it). We live in London and Cornwall takes many hours (and we usually don't take leave for our holidays which are usually weekend breaks where we leave on friday and come back on sunday) plus the Premier inn next to penzance Station was totally booked out so sleeper train made sense.

We always had many weekend breaks (once a month) rather than big holidays (with the exception of visiting family)because there was once a bad experience where dh was switching job and we had to cancel flights and hotels (no refund on the flights) because they wanted him to start early. So if either of us anticipates leaving a job then we book weekend breaks that don't need any leave.

I feel really underappreciated cos he made out like this whole holiday is for my benefit rather than his. I don't think that is true at all, the sleeper train was the way of getting there that seemed to make time and money sense at that time (and I wanted to keep costs low as we are going away quite a bit and i thought he would appreciate the prudence) and also it was quite logistically hard to book due to the nightmare gwr website. I wanted to book something he usually wouldn't book so he could see something he wouldn't actually see.

We were actually ttc but honestly he has made me cry so much in the last 24 hours over his 'gift' that I am not sure I want it

He's an arse.
What a bloody brilliant present.

Miserable git. Get him socks next year.

It’s not a present I’d be too happy with TBH. Just use it as a lesson and buy him underpants in future!

Oh wow. He’s a piece of work isn’t he? How ungrateful and rude. I think it’s fair to nicely say that as much as he appreciated the thought, that sleepers weren’t for him- so as to avoid it seeming like a favourite! But to be nasty and rude- nope. Huge red flag…

He’s a dickhead. It’s one night. So what if he doesn’t love it? He needs to suck it up.

If he’s throwing a strop over one night on a train, imagine what he’d be like after years of interrupted sleep with small children.

What a thoughtful gift.
you’ve considered his likes, finances, time restrictions and come up with something new and surprising. Even if he’s not keen on the final surprise he should be able to appreciate and be grateful for the thought and effort you put into it.
I hope he bucks up his ideas today and says sorry for acting like a spoiled brat and you have a nice day together

He doesn't have to like your present. He's entitled not to like sleeper trains. But any decent person would acknowledge your effort (obviously you put a lot of thought into it and for loads of people that would be a brilliant gift) and try to make the best of the situation. His stroppiness makes it sound like he's trying to sabotage it to punish / teach you a lesson / retain control. Ugh. Is sulking a thing he does generally?

You sound thoughtful and like you really wanted him to enjoy this. You shouldn't have to do this, but do you think that you could write down/text something similar to what you have written here so you can get your point across and hopefully it will provoke him to feeling ashamed of his unpleasant childish, ungrateful reaction - unless he's often like this?

💐

I rarely say "he's a dick" but he is. Even if you get a present you don't like, you pretend and smile.

Tell him you’ve heard him and now could he be polite and make the most of things?
I couldn’t be with him and having children with and abusive moaner won’t be much fun.

Is he this inflexibile about everything to do with your relationship? I assume he asked his new role to honour previously booked holiday? If not then I'd be really careful about TTC and kids. It sounds like you're already at the bottom of his priority list

He's entitled to not like the present, but he's no right to be so rude and ungrateful.

Has he got form for being sulky and ungrateful, and for upsetting you?

That sounds like a lovely present. He’s being a real dick about it.

I can understand his loathing of sleeper trains, having been on them twice (not through choice) but his reaction is appalling, esp when you’ve put so much thought into his gift. He sounds quite controlling - does he see himself as the trip-booker? I hope the rest of your weekend goes better.

As a light sleeper I can't imagine anything worse than a night awake on a train 🙃 I can't imagine the beds being comfortable either, I also don't like surprises either 🤣 sorry op I'm no help at all !!

For what it's worth travelling on a sleeper train is one thing I've never done and have always really wanted to do.
I think your DH is being totally ungrateful and nasty. Even if it isn't a present he really wanted then he should bite his tongue and appreciate the fact you tried to do something nice for him for his birthday.
He sounds very entitled. And I think it is a bad sign going forward that if things don't go quite to his liking his response is to to take it out on you and make you feel miserable. He sounds like a selfish person who puts himself before you.

What a lovely thoughtful idea OP. Sorry it’s not working out as hoped.

Hang on, you only do weekend breaks because ONCE your DH had to leave early to start a new job? How often is that likely to happen?
Does he decide everything you do?

This.

He will make life miserable when kids come along

Having a kid with a man who tantrums doesn't sound enjoyable.

What did his massive strop involve?

But would you be so horrible and nasty though?

I thought there was a chance he might not 100% love the sleeper train but the holiday is more than just the sleeper train, it's about seeing cornwall which he has never seen.

We both have no issue with ryanair though it's not great but it gets us places. Many people would never use ryanair but we aren't even one of those people..

Get off at the next stop and go home. Just get the next train back. Cut your losses. Why would you want to spend time with someone who’s being an arse?

Not being able to shower on the train. And I wanted to pack a towel cos not sure the first class lounge had towels ( they did). He said he didn't want to carry around a wet towel..

Could it be that he is out of his comfort zone because he usually books the weekend breaks and is comfortable being the planner, whereas this time you've taken that role? That wouldn't excuse him being rude but could explain why he's reacted badly to the trip.