Handhold because DH hates my birthday present (trip to cornwall)

[Miserableinpenzance]

Dh is a difficult person to buy presents for which is why I am currently sitting in a sleeper train to penzance in tears. He said its the worst present ever for a light sleeper like him and he also threw a massive strope last night cos he said the concept of sleeper train was filthy cos he couldn't shower in the train (first class lounge paddington had showers which he did eventually use)

It was his birthday present as he loves travel so i thought would be a good present (He books us holidays on a monthly basis). It turns out he hates sleeper trains (he had only been once before but that was during covid and on the Caledonian which was being quite badly run at the time so I thought it was a one off that he didn't like it). We live in London and Cornwall takes many hours (and we usually don't take leave for our holidays which are usually weekend breaks where we leave on friday and come back on sunday) plus the Premier inn next to penzance Station was totally booked out so sleeper train made sense.

We always had many weekend breaks (once a month) rather than big holidays (with the exception of visiting family)because there was once a bad experience where dh was switching job and we had to cancel flights and hotels (no refund on the flights) because they wanted him to start early. So if either of us anticipates leaving a job then we book weekend breaks that don't need any leave.

I feel really underappreciated cos he made out like this whole holiday is for my benefit rather than his. I don't think that is true at all, the sleeper train was the way of getting there that seemed to make time and money sense at that time (and I wanted to keep costs low as we are going away quite a bit and i thought he would appreciate the prudence) and also it was quite logistically hard to book due to the nightmare gwr website. I wanted to book something he usually wouldn't book so he could see something he wouldn't actually see.

We were actually ttc but honestly he has made me cry so much in the last 24 hours over his 'gift' that I am not sure I want it

OP, will you marry me? That sounds like an amazing trip.

Your DP sounds like he’s reacted terribly even if he doesn’t like the gift much. I’m very hard to please gift wise (which is entirely my fault) but I’d def suck it up if I could see how much effort had gone into it and how upset my DP was.

What an ignorant arse he is.

OP, it is a fabulous present. I'd kill for such a present for my birthday next week.

Your DH is a vile bully. He is an ignorant selfish childish pig with no manners and has shown you exactly who he really is.

Do not have a child with him. Do whatever will make you feel better right now. Go to Cornwall and ignore him, or get off the train at the next stop, and go home, but double up on the contraceptives and make plans to end your marriage. This sounds like the start of abuse to me.

Ducks in a row time. I'm so sorry xx

I managed on a sleeper train Paris to Rome in sweltering July 6 months pregnant FFS, it's just a train getting you where you want to go.

And I couldn't drink copious amounts off coffee to help with the tiredness. And I didn't complain once. He's got it easy.

It's all about him isn't it

He sulks and strops when things don't go his way
He's ungrateful
He makes you cry

Having a baby with this man would be madness

I sounds like a knob.

but I also think being someone a present where the giver gets to go too is sometimes a bit off if that is the only present. It’s just semantics but I’d say ‘we are going away for a birthday treat’ but I’d give a present too’. (In imaginary world where we could afford weekend away!!). The trip wouldn’t be the present.

He sounds like the princess and the pea. Honestly, you deserve so much better.

I get so angry with people who criticise a present, I was bought up, and I raised my children, to show appreciation for a gift. Ok if it’s clothes which are to small/big well yes they need changing and a giver would be prepared for that, but anything else you smile and say thankyou.

tbh my husband can be critical and I’ve been upset over the years, so now I just tell him to let me know what he wants no surprises. It’s his choice, he complains he has to tell people but I point out how he’s complaining has made us not want to buy a surprise and it’s his down to him.

i think your present sounds lovely and thoughtful, so he doesn’t like the travel, well that’s his lose, you enjoy it. And I’m sure you will both love Cornwall it’s an amazing place, the lizard is great to visit. Though if you’re only there a short while you will be limited. Just make sure you have some really Cornish icecream and buy some fudge !, ooo and bring back some pasties it’s worth going and getting a cold bag so you can get some extra to bring home and some clotted cream. The holidays we had in looe where the best, my father lived there, the shell fish was so good. And the walks across the cliff tops and the beaches. I wish I was with you

As someone else has said, I’d put a hold on the ttc for a bit and really think about your relationship.
From what you’ve written it sounds like you’re having to walk on egg shells around this man and his moodiness. Do you ever get to put your needs and wants first or are you always having to do what he wants?

Yes, this,100%. He throws strops? Is he 12? What a precious princess he is.

Imagine telling someone that their gift was "the worst present ever"!!

What a miserable ungrateful bastard.

Curious as to never using your annual leave to go on holiday. Are you happy with this? Friday to Sunday is not much of a break.

Not sure he is a great partner for having children with, he sounds very unpleasant.

Ah, both your lives revolve around his wants and needs don't they? I wouldn't be having a baby with a man like this.

Why is it all about what he wants?

Only weekends, visiting the cities he wants. Why?

If you do have DC (which I would advise against with him) Are they only going to go on weekend city breaks their entire childhood? Or will he be gracious enough to allow them a proper holiday?

I’m sorry, but I have read many such threads on here with a husband buying his wife a gift that was ill thought out, and the husband has been ripped to shreds.

You knew he didn’t like sleeper trains, yet you booked one for HIS birthday present. And you’re all shocked and surprised that he’s not grateful.

He "didn't want to carry around a wet towel"??

I think we can all agree there are some hardships no man should have to endure and this is certainly one of them. My heart goes out to him 😅

I know you said it's not about the weekend holidays but is that his idea too? He seems to have certain fixed ideas and the weekend only thing demonstrates that. Plus only cool countries.

because there was once a bad experience where dh was switching job and we had to cancel flights and hotels (no refund on the flights) because they wanted him to start early.

This isnt normal.
I get it suits you right now so you go along with it but if/when you have kids it will prob not and if he likes it and wont change it WILL be a problem.

This sort of thing doesnt tend to be limited to one area.
Eg. He like to have brunch and read the papers quietly. You have kids... he expects to continue to brunch quietly and leisurely with the papers.

On that basis, i agree with @duende

I dated a guy like this... nothing was a problem until it was a problem. And then it was a problem for me... because it became clear very quickly he was not going to inconvenience himself / change / do anything other than what he wanted.

I also Agree that while its okay he may not of liked it his response is pretty awful and a bit babyish

Tell him you find his sulking very unsexy and a big turn off, make sure you absolutely hate anything he suggests and mention separate holidays are the way forward. Then carry on having the best time whilst ignoring him.

@Miserableinpenzance
Your post is all about your dh likes and dislikes.
What do you like?
Do you like hot countries?
Do you really like lots of weekend breaks?
Would you like a beach holiday?
Do you ever holiday with friends?

Don't be your dh's spare rib.
And don't have a dc with a man that can't make the best of a situation because much of parenting is just this.

How ungrateful when you’ve put so much thought into it. I would tell him how you feel, move on, and then don’t ever buy him any more surprise gifts.

@Wishimaywishimight Sending him thoughts and prayers.

So honestly use this a big wake up call. Children generally to not sleep well, the best of them will become overwhelmed, they need massive flexibility because of illness etc etc. you need big conversations and possibly a few sessions with therapist specialising in marital counselling- figure out all these things before you try have a baby. Because you need to know if you’ll have a partner when baby is sick and needs someone off work or if they wake every two hours for the first year of their life!

Wow, what a twat. This would be my husbands idea of The Best Holiday Ever. Ok, not showering, maybe a pain for your husband, but what a silly child to be so nasty about it.

im actually wondering if he’s got some sort of phobia or mental health disorder since his reaction is completely weird.(ditto sticking to the same Nordic countries etc) As a young person, I had eating disorders and remember having a row with my boyfriend because he ate some bread I had reserved for my breakfast, completely ott like your husband…

He's been so horrible he has made her cry.

There is no excuse anyone can think of to justify being so horrible that you make someone cry over something that was well intentioned.

He is a complete cunt and op I would consider your whole relationship after this incident. It won't be the first time he has done something like this and it won't be the last. Please don't have children with him.

One, having a baby with someone who is so precious about his sleep is going to be a nightmare. Make sure if you go ahead, you plan how night wakening and lie-ins will work before getting pregnant and the division of labour and childcare

I'd also take some trips to places you want to go. And again having kids means making holiday compromises to places that you wouldn't have gone pre-kids (ie Europarks in our case). How inflexible is he?

And finally, making someone cry over a gift is just vile behaviour from him.