Handhold because DH hates my birthday present (trip to cornwall)

[Miserableinpenzance]

Dh is a difficult person to buy presents for which is why I am currently sitting in a sleeper train to penzance in tears. He said its the worst present ever for a light sleeper like him and he also threw a massive strope last night cos he said the concept of sleeper train was filthy cos he couldn't shower in the train (first class lounge paddington had showers which he did eventually use)

It was his birthday present as he loves travel so i thought would be a good present (He books us holidays on a monthly basis). It turns out he hates sleeper trains (he had only been once before but that was during covid and on the Caledonian which was being quite badly run at the time so I thought it was a one off that he didn't like it). We live in London and Cornwall takes many hours (and we usually don't take leave for our holidays which are usually weekend breaks where we leave on friday and come back on sunday) plus the Premier inn next to penzance Station was totally booked out so sleeper train made sense.

We always had many weekend breaks (once a month) rather than big holidays (with the exception of visiting family)because there was once a bad experience where dh was switching job and we had to cancel flights and hotels (no refund on the flights) because they wanted him to start early. So if either of us anticipates leaving a job then we book weekend breaks that don't need any leave.

I feel really underappreciated cos he made out like this whole holiday is for my benefit rather than his. I don't think that is true at all, the sleeper train was the way of getting there that seemed to make time and money sense at that time (and I wanted to keep costs low as we are going away quite a bit and i thought he would appreciate the prudence) and also it was quite logistically hard to book due to the nightmare gwr website. I wanted to book something he usually wouldn't book so he could see something he wouldn't actually see.

We were actually ttc but honestly he has made me cry so much in the last 24 hours over his 'gift' that I am not sure I want it

I've been in a similar situation. I don't even bother making any effort for DH anymore with gifts, it's not worth the effort or me getting upset.

I am glad he liked Cornwall in the end @Miserableinpenzance those photos are gorgeous. I live in Australia which has great beaches but I still really love Cornwall. It has its own unique beauty, history and charm that you don’t get anywhere else.

I hope he has apologised to you.

I'd tell him what I told my stroppy teenager when he was moaning about a holiday we were on. First couple of moans I let go. When he was still whinging he was told ' put your bloody face straight, I've heard you, I dont need to hear you again' it was said in a hissing voice my mum used to do to me and my siblings when we were in a public place and we had pissed her off but she didn't want anyone else to hear!!

Only read the last few pages but second the ignored/unanswered questions:

SwingingPonytail · Today 16:01
Why are you so desperate to please him?

uncomfortablydumb53 · Today 16:22
Do you realise every one of your posts mentions his wants and pleasures?

Abeona · Today 16:51
OP, is this the pattern of behaviour you've adopted to make this relationship work? Sublimated your own needs and desires and dedicating yourself to pleasing him?

Nanny0gg · Today 17:27
You have steadfastly avoided every question you have been asked about his attitude, whether he's apologised to you, why you bend over backwards for him and whether you get to do what you want to do (without him sulking)
Why?

Springiscomingsoonish · Today 17:58
Honestly, reading just your comments op..its all about what he likes doing, where he likes going etc. And the fact he sulks like a child!? You should re read your comments back to back.

SwingingPonytail · Today 22:20
@Miserableinpenzance Kindly, no one cares about the ice creams, the views, the 'tour of Cornwall'.

You seem to have issues engaging with the meaningful questions and comments.

You seem to be deflecting all the time

*

I got an impression you don't/no longer want to discuss the issue that made you started the thread and would rather now have pleasant discussions about the views, the ice cream and the dinner?

WTF...she planned the shower. Learn to read

@smurfette1818 i agree because it is all ok now and he likes Cornwall and is having a lovely time all is forgiven and forgotten on his part and the OP is relieved she made a good choice and can go back to sticking her head in the sand about the rest of it

The shower thing is clearly not about the shower. All sorts of travel involves not having a shower when you would ideally like to - we got an over night flight back from New York last month and the flight left at 10.30pm US time and arrived in Heathrow at 10.30am UK time. There was no way on god's earth anyone could have had a morning shower until they got to their eventual destination.

He is a controlling person and people like that always find some way to exercise unreasonable control over the situation.

I don’t ‘do’ my birthday. My grown kids get me some chocolate if they’re around but other than that I don’t bother.

Let's see how you react when you don't get what you want for your birthday

In my case with maturity and grace because I'm a grown up; unlike OP's OH and some on this thread.

I am not sure how many grown men have their birthday marked, but it cannot be many.
The husband clearly regards himself as high above ordinary men.

I am not sure how many grown men have their birthday marked, but it cannot be many.

I don't think I know any who don't. Not necessarily a big fuss, but not even marking it at all seems unnecessarily austere.

I did not mean not even saying happy birthday, but often it was a trip to tae her out for a meal or perhaps a take away.
Presents and trips are certainly not normal.
Big fusses being made over men's birthdays was a bit of a culture shock when I got to Scandinavia!

I don't think the Op is coming back...
@Miserableinpenzance

How odd.

All the men I know 'mark' their birthdays if they have friends, a family, or a partner.

She's on the train back to London.
No doubt planning another weekend break.

Papering over the cracks, comes to mind.

I had an American explain that that is more normal in the USA (my girlfriend bought be a gift and made me dinner), as experience in the UK matched my experience of living there.

Bin this one off. You don’t need to be in a relationship with anybody that makes you feel like that.

He sounds unbearable and ungrateful. Agree socks next year if you can suffer him that long!

Yes, he’s being an arse for all reasons mentioned above. FWIW I live near Cornwall and when we go to London for a long weekend we drive it - train prices are hideous. And don’t you need a car to get anywhere in Cornwall… just thinking it might even be cheaper to hire one to drive down. If there is a next time…

Reading through this post, everything seems to be centred around ‘his’ likes. Do you really want to be tied to someone who appears so self-centred? Not a good basis for a partnership/marriage.

Spoilt...

London to Penzance would be 300 miles and at least 6 hours stuck in the car with him though!

You OP sound as if you’re frightened of him?

Wow so ungrateful... I would feel angry at this behaviour.

I feel bad for both of you. I've only done the Sleeper once coming back and it just felt like the regular train but a lot slower - like when they have speed restrictions. I felt I just sat in Plymouth and Reading stations rather than gaining anything from using it. It sounds romantic and lovely but the reality is just a slow train. When we went to Edinburgh we just took the super-fast train instead.