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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

How many women and men on here have been hit or physically attacked by their partner?

217 replies

Nylla · 21/05/2024 21:29

How many women and men on here have been hit or physically attacked by their partner?

Recently I thought my husband was about to hit me (he was red and angry and raised his fist), but he didn't. I was wondering how common it is. I have seen it in films, but of course have never seen it in someone else's house (and my childhood home was peaceful).

You never know what goes on in other people's homes, so I guess it's quite hard to know for sure.

OP posts:
Frith2013 · 21/05/2024 22:12

Yes.

First one - pushed me against a table, broke my arm which set weirdly leaving me with a lifetime of limited movement

Second - held me in mid air over the stairs for arguing

Fourth - used a door to smack me out of the way

Eighth - grabbed my wrists during an argument which was terrifying but I think it panicked him more than it did me

Tenth - horrible sex, scratches, bruises, bruised mouth etc.

Charlie2121 · 21/05/2024 22:12

Never. Nothing remotely close to any physical violence has ever happened to me.

I never saw anything violent while I was growing up either so just assumed that was normal.

LighthouseTheme · 21/05/2024 22:14

Yes. On the honeymoon.

MotherofChaosandDestruction · 21/05/2024 22:14

Not punched but had knives and objects thrown at me, pushed over etc. he's an ex thankfully but took me a long time to leave.

follygirl · 21/05/2024 22:16

Never

GreatTheCat · 21/05/2024 22:18

Nope. Never. Not even close.

TribeofFfive · 21/05/2024 22:19

Never. I’ve never felt threatened even in silly arguments. If he ever frightened me I like to think I’d leave but I know it’s not as easy as that sometimes.

OrlandointheWilderness · 21/05/2024 22:20

Never. By any partner and I've never seen it growing up. My DP did have a very violent abusive x gf though.

Els1e · 21/05/2024 22:20

Nope. Never

Original poster
Nylla · 21/05/2024 22:20

Waitingfordoggo · 21/05/2024 22:11

I hope you’re ok OP and know that it is not ok for your husband to raise his fist at you in a threatening manner.

I have never been hit by anybody but my first boyfriend was a bully. His specialities were psychological abuse and sexual coercion. He was rough with me. Pushed me a few times, and kicked me under a table once when I was saying something in company that he didn’t like. But he never hit me. He had hit the girlfriend he was with before me though.

It’s hard to say this sensitively on a thread full of people who have been subjected to horrendous physical abuse, so I apologise if this is offensive, but at the time I sometimes wished he would just hit me. In my broken mind, I thought at least it would be less confusing than the gaslighting, mocking and humiliation.

I can see why you might think that it would've been clearer if he'd hit you, @Waitingfordoggo . But from what I've heard, it often isn't - particularly if they seem very remorseful and promise that they won't do it again ..... But others would know more.

OP posts:
MaryFuckingFerguson · 21/05/2024 22:21

Never. I married a normal bloke.

l0ml · 21/05/2024 22:23

No, never.

And I consider myself incredibly fortunate, which is horrific really.

ItsOnlyJustBegun · 21/05/2024 22:24

Yes.

Do you REALLY think that we all seek out men who are NOT ‘normal blokes’? @MaryFuckingFerguson ?

Strewth… 🤬

MistyGreenAndBlue · 21/05/2024 22:25

Yes. Had broken ribs, a dislocated shoulder and was dragged along the floor on my pregnant stomach among other things

He also once tried to run me down in his car and threw a bucket of water on me while I was sleeping.

Arsehole!

XMissPlacedX · 21/05/2024 22:26

My first ever adult relationship was violent, he would push, shove, square up to me, throw things at me, spit at me , empty the contents of the fridge onto the floor after I had been shopping.

I put up with it, until he went for my poor dog. He walked toward him in the kitchen and went to kick him and I reacted by grabbing a wok that was drying on the drainer and knocked him clean out with it , genuinely thought I had killed him and thought I was going to jail.

I packed a bag , grabbed ddog, left and called his brother to say I think I had killed him ( I was only 19 and he was 35). When his brother got there he was sitting on the kitchen floor and hadn't remembered what had happened ( he was a drunk).

I never went back and have never been with a guy like that since.

Wigeon · 21/05/2024 22:27

Statistically, one on four women experience domestic abuse at some point in their life. Around 6% of women have experienced it in the last year.

My DH has never ever physically hurt me (or verbally been abusive or threatening in any way) and I'd be astounded if he ever did.

So sorry to read of all the experiences on this thread 😔.

Savoydone · 21/05/2024 22:30

My first boyfriend. Three years. Rape. Abuse. Left after he had me up against the wall by my neck with my feet off the floor

Twolittleloves · 21/05/2024 22:30

Muffin101 · 21/05/2024 21:37

My ex used to be pretty handsy. His behaviour, as it always does, escalated over the course of our relationship (approx 2.5 years), started with punching walls then a shove here and there, then grabbing and dragging me by my hair, punching me in the side of the head so hard, my ears rang for ages, pinning me down with his forearm on my neck … I think if I’d have stayed, he’d probably have killed me. I’m not small, 5’8 but he was over 6’ and a rugby player, I stood no chance. I was following a pattern, my dad used to hit me and so did my stepdad so it’s all I knew really. Glad I broke that cycle.
He used to hit the girlfriend before me (not that I believed it at the time 🤦🏼‍♀️) and the girlfriend after too.

Edited

How awful you were subjected to so many abusive men for so much of your life 😢 Very sorry and welldone for breaking the cycle, that must have taken alot of strength!

DuckyShincracker · 21/05/2024 22:31

My hideous ex started being violent when I was pregnant, very prone to trying to strangle me. Have a gorgeous fiancé now who's never been violent to me in 10 years.

SallyWD · 21/05/2024 22:32

Never

MagnetCarHair · 21/05/2024 22:33

Never, I had a kind Dad, brother, male friends, boyfriends, husband, sons. I thought I was slipping through the eye of a needle but it seems there are plenty of others who have had a peaceful run of it with men too.

Blueberry40 · 21/05/2024 22:34

My ex husband punched me in the face and gave me a black eye once. We had a baby at the time and I remember telling people I had tripped and caught it on the corner of the table. It was a dark time.

Betterifido · 21/05/2024 22:36

Never but reading this thread makes me feel very lucky (which is scary in itself) and also makes me wonder what goes on behind closed doors in a lot of relationships.

UghFletcher · 21/05/2024 22:37

My ex beat me, strangled me, squared up to me, was financially and emotionally abusive. Threatened to push me down the stairs when pregnant.

Current DH has never so much as raised his voice at me.

Isitthathardtobekind · 21/05/2024 22:45

Hands around my throat when I was 16 by my then boyfriend who was 17.
Also been pushed/thrown down on to a sofa and into a shower cubicle- that one caused bruising. Always during a big argument.
Also been called a bitch, fucking bitch, told to fuck off etc. I hate that and it took a lot to stamp it out although can happen still occasionally.