Anybody else desperately trying not to contact a guy?

[FuckSakeGetAGrip]

I am, and it's honest to god wrecking me.

Please tell me someone else is struggling too.

I'll hold your hand if you'll hold mine...

What's the story?

If they've left you on read, do not contact.

Emotional affair, he's right to put a stop to it, but it's really really fucking hard. I need to get it together.

Thank you for replying.

It’s not him you’re missing it’s the feeling of dopamine and the fantasy of a relationship.

It’s not real a real relationship- your head is fucking with you.

Read ‘Doing the work’ by Dr Nicole LePera

Yes you're exactly right and I do know it, it's not like we were away to ditch our families and run off into the middle aged sunset or anything.

It was an addiction really. But it's left me fucking desolate. I've never felt lower in my life.

What a fucking mistake.

Yep, it's awful! He hasn't even read my last message to him after he broke up with me. Probably for the best or I'd have had no self restraint and kept on messaging.

Same here. Although we saw each other a few days ago at an event and he came and spoke, we just chatted, and he gave me a hug.

But it's time to stop. It's brought me so much anxiety and unhappiness.

he's right to put a stop to it

Focus on this, and the fact that you don't want him, your brain is tricking you because it's a little dopamine fiend.

Delete his number, make an agreement with a friend that you can text her whenever you get the urge to get in touch with him, and she will give you a metaphorical slap round the face and tell you that you are amazing and binge watch Baby Reindeer to put yourself off.

@FuckSakeGetAGrip I work with mine so I'll have to see him again tomorrow. It'd be easier if we didn't work together but I love my job and don't want to make a decision that might make life easier in the interim but not long term.

I just keep telling myself everything happens for a reason and he wasn't to be my future. Sad really. Given he hasn't even read my last message I keep thinking after all those years I must have meant nothing to him, and he mustn't miss me, but my friend put a different spin on it. She said he could be really struggling too, hence why he can't face any messages from me. Probably not true but it helps a bit. Either way, it's time to focus on our healing and moving forward. They don't want to be in our lives so I guess just feel all the feelings and work your way through them. It isn't going to kill us, we will get through it.

Ha my friend is fucking sick of me @GoldDuster and I can't put it on her any more. Our friendship is hanging by a thread due to my ongoing insanity.

@lollipoppp this is all very familiar to me. I'm trying to logic it to, he's either a cynical wanker just using me for his ego, or finding it getting a bit much and marriage-endangering like me.

I can find evidence for both if I look hard enough. And I changed jobs to get away, but it's had the double impact of me losing everyone I worked with, my familiar job, etc, and I'm beyond fucking lonely.

What happened OP? Why did you start talking? Why did you stop? How long have you not been talking? You can vent on here

Thank you @Rockiepride but I don't want to give him that much headspace, going over it is all I do in my head and I'm embarrassed for myself now.

@FuckSakeGetAGrip it's a habit we just need to break. And we will do. Plenty of people break addictions every day.

Some wise Mumsnetter once posted on one of my posts something along the lines of "you can either go through hell now, and in six months time look back and be glad you did, or you can hold on another six months, still unhappy, but look back and wish you'd started six months ago."

It's hard to continue feeling as you are and it's also hard to face they're not your person. It's time to choose your hard.

I feel it too OP

we had a big emotional talk a while back but have been left on read about a week ago.

the dopamine hit explanation is so real.

I just feel lonely and sad today after a crap day at work.

I haven’t really got a reason to stop texting my Text Object but I think it would be better if we didn’t.

I am dealing with a break up and Text Object is such a lovely distraction. The problem is nothing will come of the relationship with Text Object except stress for me - has he read it? Why not? Is he out? Is he home? Etc.

Mine is a man who wants a proper relationship (although he works abroad a lot, so i'm not sure how he envisages it working out), but i'm not in the place for a relationship. But my word the dopamine hit from the attention is addictive and mesmerising. I know i should stop it, but it's so hard to ignore.

I'm really sorry: this is sort of what happened here too. I don't even know why it bothers me this much. I think it was lovely to feel interesting and desirable and those things are not overly prevalent at home.

I don’t know why it bothers me either OP

i feel like an idiot for believing everything he said to me.

the urge to text is very strong tonight so going to distract myself with some crap TV and leave my phone in the kitchen

@FuckSakeGetAGrip

am here if you need to chat or a distraction!

Keep on keeping on. If you can't do a week at a time, do a day. If you can't do a day, do an hour. Then another hour, then another.
I promise you, this too will pass.

I thought I could never do it after an over-a-decade-long relationship, but I'm 3.5 years clean now (yes, it really is a detox!) and I'm so grateful to myself every day for not going back.

I've resisted googling him and deleted him and all our connections on SM. He actually had the gall to email me 2 months ago to ask how I was. Well, he doesn't get the privilege of being friendly with me now, he is not good enough.

You CAN do it!

Top tip: change his name on your phone. I didn't want to delete him just in case he called at some point and I didn't recognise the number.
But change his name; something that will put you off contacting him when you see it. Wanker, Dipshit, Abuser, Stinks Of Poo, Bad Breath, Mummy's Boy - any of those and I'm sure you can think of more.

Are you married?

Just picture your DH’s reaction if he had read any of the messages or found out. Or his wife.

That should be enough to put a stop to it.

I could have written this myself. It’s been 4 years on and off now. He says lovely things to me and listens to me then disappears off the face of the earth and says I’m being too intense. I’m having therapy for anxiety and weirdly I’m losing the feelings to text him

And this is the same for me
this is all very familiar to me. I'm trying to logic it to, he's either a cynical wanker just using me for his ego, or finding it getting a bit much and marriage-endangering like me.

He clearly doesn’t want you to contact him so why would you embarrass yourself no don’t …just move on it’s beggy and it’s not attractive

I could have written this. I left my job too as I knew I shouldn't be letting it happen but I just couldn't seem to control my feelings for him.

I'm 3 months on and it still doesn't seem to be getting any better. I still feel incredibly sad and lonely without him to speak to and I miss him everyday even though i know it was the right decision.

It's so hard, I just tell myself that if I contact him, I'll be right back to square one again and just keep hoping that at some point it will start getting easier. You're absolutely not on your own, just keep distracting yourself the best you can.