Anybody else desperately trying not to contact a guy?

[FuckSakeGetAGrip]

I am, and it's honest to god wrecking me.

Please tell me someone else is struggling too.

I'll hold your hand if you'll hold mine...

He’s not interested leave him alone

if he’s anything like ‘mine’ he will come back saying you’ve been quiet how are you then it all starts over again. Massive headfuck

If that was the case I would never have got here...

I get that OP

I know how you feel. Like that im incredibly sad.
I burst into tears every now again, silent ones. First loves, both married. Just one
night of kissing 1.5 years ago and i cant move on from it. Both know we wont leave our families, he said we have a connection but ive never had the chance to talk to him since that
night. I guess if he wanted to contact me he would. Deleted him off FB friend list etc. and now i totally feel isolated from him which is actually crazy!!!

Hello, it might help if you separate feelings from facts. You did not and did have a real relationship with this man. What you did have was a chemical reaction in your brain which triggered unconscious feelings from your past.

If this man knocked on your door now you’d probably feel totally different seeing in person as you’ve built him up to be some god like figure - who is really just a man - who’s married to another woman.

When people have a instant connection or feel like they’ve known a person years or have that ‘spark’ it’s because you have met them before but in someone else - most always someone negative.

Take him off the peddle stool. Have a look at why he got under your skin for since a long time. Have a look at abandonment issues - honestly - this isn’t about this guy 💐

TIMe. TIME. TIME.
be patient with yourself - everyday will get easier.
distract your self - exercise, podcast, books, music, study, housework, de clutter, cooking, etc
anything that takes your mind off them.

What do you do when you’re determined not to text then they come back all lovely?

Not reply and block.

Dont allow someone to come in and disturb your peace for their own ego boost.

Tbey are just bucket dippers

Thank you so much for this. I will look at all of this for sure.

Been thinking about this.

My situationship filled a huge gap in my life, and he really helped me a lot during a very hard time.

Basically I've found myself in a stage of life without many friends, and his constant contact covered that sad fact up very nicely. But that doesn't mean it was anything more, and in fact just suppose j used him really during a time in my life where I was bored and lonely.

I just now need to remember all this next time I get the urge...

Thank you. I’m screwed there then because I feel bad every time. He says we have a connection because no matter how many times we stop talking we find a way back. I think we’re just both after the ego boost in all honesty. Nearly 5 years of this

And it does feel like we’re friends. Recently he helped me with something to do with a problem at work. I could only talk about with my husband about. Then he went funny on me although he said he wasn’t

None of it’s real though. You’re both chasing a dopermine hit. It’s addictive!

But choose peace of mind rather than the nerves jangling every time then the disappointment when he falls away again.

Just because he says you have a connection doesn’t mean you have. You don’t. It’s a fantasy text ego boost. False intimacy. You do t know how many other women he has a connection with either

Yup. Situation sounds very similar. Several months have passed since last contact. He stopped it. I know he was right to do so, but didn't stop me feeling like a school girl who had been dumped. I know I wouldn't have stopped it. Maybe he's just stronger than me, or a better person. I felt just like you, but time makes it better. I occasionally think of random reasons that I could use to drop a message, but have trained my brain that it's a bad idea for risk of humiliation. To help the situation, I admittedly spent too much money on a holiday, set my mind on a new home improvement project, I constantly skip any music that reminds me of him, and I draw a huge imaginary cross across his face in my mind whenever he pops in there. Truth be told, if he made contact again, I know I would respond, but I am aware the time healing factor would then be completely reversed. So in this moment I have just painted another big imaginary cross in my mind right over his face whilst secretly hoping that fate may have reserved another moment for him and I, somewhere, sometime.

You are right. It’s not like I would ever leave my husband. He’s a bit of a nightmare to be honest and my husband doesn’t deserve that

If he was that bothered about you @FuckSakeGetAGrip then he would be contacting you. Don't waste your emotions on him.

Yeah as predicted he’s texted me how was your weekend 🤦🏻‍♀️

Doing my best. It's just tricky when he's been very bothered about me for a long time. We've been in touch almost every day for a number of years.

Getting there though.

He will be back and that’s when we have to be strong

It’s so hard.

Ours isn’t over even though it should be. Complicated because we are colleagues (albeit in different locations) so we have to be careful about contacting each other.

All this secret, underhand nonsense! Get a grip, people! You're not living in the real world.

You are right

Oh I so needed this thread, done a week of not messaging my one. Going to keep to look at when I want to cave. The anxiety is starting to ease from keep checking my phone….but my god do I miss the daily contact.

I put don’t do it on the end of his name in my contacts. I did reply to him today but short sentence and to the point and he went away