Anybody else desperately trying not to contact a guy?

[FuckSakeGetAGrip]

I am, and it's honest to god wrecking me.

Please tell me someone else is struggling too.

I'll hold your hand if you'll hold mine...

I could’ve written this.

Currently trying to stay strong and not message.

He wants to be platonic friends and to meet up still going for walks, eat cake etc whilst he works out his own issues. We met up ...ended up having sex. Messaged a couple of times since with several days inbetween him responding to me... l always respond the same day.

It's now a week since l last messaged him. He hasn't replied. He's probably wishing we hadn't had sex and can't figure out how to tell me to go away. He has always been really poor at communicating, which is one of my big issues with him as it has caused me a lot of angst previously.

Thing is... l can't be platonic with him, l find him to attractive and I'll be longing for physical contact with him I.e kiss, cuddle etc...

As a friend pointed out... l have enough friends to spend time with and he was meant to fill a "stop gap" with the physical side... so if I'm not getting that, then actually what's the point in even meeting.

I'm still here, still reading.

Mine has gone to stay with some nameless mystery friends in the Midlands for a few days. I don't think he's staying with a woman, it's just that I'm such a tiny % of his life that I don't know his friends.

I don't know which day he's coming back.

Yesterday he messaged very briefly then sent an old fashioned text to say he had run out of data and that he would phone me when he got home.

Of COURSE he's been online since then.

I know this is shit. All of it. But we had a lovely week last week, met up 3 times, he met my family and we had a barbecue.

I know we could be friends who sometimes go to bed but it's just not enough. I can't cope with the complete lack of physical affection when we're not in bed, the lack of back and forth in conversation and the lack of frequency and effort in sex. I feel like a bitch for writing that as up to 50% could be my fault.

I don't even think I want to ever live with a man again and I certainly don't want to get married. This isn't enough though.

Randomly, I was chatted up at great length by a man in the cafe queue at IKEA yesterday. That never happens. And I was on fire with witty comebacks. That also never happens.

He nearly asked me to sit with him but I sauntered off because I have the existing man.

Part of me thought, "this chatting up man has a job, he must have a car to have got to IKEA, he's funny, we've had a proper chat". And then I felt mean.

Sorry to send multiple messages.

It's also my birthday in a few days and I don't know whether I can be bothered to tell him. What sort of a life is this?!

Oh Frith ❤️❤️❤️

All day I've been pondering.

I don't miss him I don't think.

So what is it? Why does it sit in the pit of my stomach all the time. It's like something has just settled into my bones. Some missing of something, and I can't figure out why it won't switch off.

After one of many upsets... a colleague said to me... it's not actually him... it's how he made me feel again - attractive, cared for, wanted etc

I drove through the town where my ex lives today. (We split up in March, 6 days before the man now targeted me...)

I think about him every day.

I don't want him back really. He was impossible to live with.

I just want him back because I'm fed up of feeling sad and he and I would have a laugh about the mess I'm in with the man I'm sort of with now.

Totally agree. He made me feel special, attractive, sexy, wanted - things I haven't felt in a long while. And its true, I don't miss him as much as I miss these feelings he generated within me. I loved that high. And now, its like an emptiness inside me, something I long for. Not HIM so much...but that feeling...

When these men want to be platonic friends it means they want you to let go of any developing feelings you may have but to keep you for when they feel like a shag. I'm sorry but this is the case. They use you/us to alleviate boredom, when they want a wank, when they are bored.

Yeah I guess that's it. The high. Life is all fine, good even, but it's just a bit flat and safe and predictable. I shouldn't miss the rollercoaster but I guess I do.

I actually find my FWB a little boring to spend time with. The conversation doesn't flow, we have no interests in common. But l did like the excitement of having sex - although that was only however he wanted it position wise, and l have never orgasmed with him as he doesn't "do" foreplay.. l also REALLY enjoyed the cuddling after - although he has since said he feels awkward doing that as he doesn't have romantic feelings for me - only his longterm partner.

I'm actually really not sure what holds me to him so strongly.... probably because l don't have anyone else.

He's boring and a bad fuck. You can definitely definitively 100% do better for yourself.

@NeedToAskPlease

EXACTLY the situation I'm in with mine.

So boring in bed but I crave the cuddles afterwards as he doesn't touch me AT ALL at any other time.

I need to have a good read of this thread . I've messaged a guy I was kinda seeing a goodnight every night for the last 6 months. I'm not sure how to not do it tonight. 😞

Mine doesn't either as he doesn't have feelings for me and is emotionally shy... whatever that means!!

I know if l met someone else l would forget him...but no-one is coming along despite me being on dating apps and starting new hobbies.

I've just left mine.

I sent a FB message to his "phone without data". I said "This is over. Goodbye".

I've blocked him on everything.

Heart is beating rather fast but I feel nothing. I've now got to go to work - not my work but helping someone in a job for which I'm not remotely qualified. So that's this evening sorted, at least.

The worst part, which I haven't mentioned on this thread and which I've tried to go into denial myself? He's married. I've never slept with a married man before.

She doesn't live in this country but that is hardly the point.

Bloody hell.

Wow @Frith2013 that's amazing. Well done.

This absolute stranger is proud of you ❤️

Thank you.

I've been in this position before (on this thread, maybe 3 weeks ago).

He made contact after 7 days and messaged me until 5a.m.

I need to not unblock him anywhere. He won't make the effort to walk round to see me.

We've all been there and tried and messed up and tried again. You sound pretty done with it all and determined this time.

Well I’ve heard nothing and it’s been over two weeks. It will take ages for him to miss me though. Been here before. It’s usually about 3 weeks then I get sucked in and he will tell me he ‘needs space’. Sounds like a Taylor swift song doesn’t it 😂

Keep going, @namechangeforthis5

Do you have anything interesting going on or anything to look forward to? It'll be more decorating and DIY for me but I'm also loving the Euros!

Day 1 for me.

Yeah I will. I’ve had fleeting moments but I just keep busy. Got a few events coming up to keep my head busy lol. I’m just loving the peace and no drama! I do wonder if he thinks about me but I just hope he is liking the distance as well actually as I think he found it all a bit intense sometimes and stressful so why should I care really? I’m loving the euros as well actually! Keep going too @Frith2013

Feeling like utter shit again today. And I've just realised why.

We've been in touch a few times in the last week in the most minor tiny ways. Like, absolutely one-message banal chitchat. But I shouldn't have bothered.

I keep thinking if i give him time and space he'll turn out not to be the dick that I have come to suspect he is, but that's not really what's happening.

So off I go, back to day zero tomorrow. How fucking boring it all is.