Anybody else desperately trying not to contact a guy?

[FuckSakeGetAGrip]

I am, and it's honest to god wrecking me.

Please tell me someone else is struggling too.

I'll hold your hand if you'll hold mine...

that does sound quite likely!! Fucks sake.

If he was just a random I'd be like, fine, I'll delete his number and go on my merry way but I can't do that (think group WhatsApp's, holidays etc. although doesn't live locally so that's good.)

But I'm just worried like, what if this is my life now and I never get over it!?

Yeah I get the fear of never getting over it. I felt like that for the longest time, was actually quite insane to be honest.

I'm not quite like that now. He's still in my mind often and I still automatically want to talk to him, share a joke, etc...but do I want to go back? I'm not sure.

It was unhealthy. And ultimately some days it made me feel like I was dying.

This thread is way cheaper than the therapy I should invoice him for.

The only reason I want mine to reply is so I can give him the silent treatment. And feel like I'm winning.

I am so pathetic!

It is so nice to know others are going through the same thing though ❤️

Haha same @Boredbutcantstopscrolling 😆

Yeah like other people are completely mental too!

Can you tell me what has happened in your situations?

Mine is The One Who Got Away, who I knew before I met DH. Back in contact a few years ago, on and off we message every few months until we decide we can't continue and it stops. Then starts up again a few months later.
This time it's been going on since Christmas. NEVER anything physical, just messages, getting hot and heavy, this time though it went a bit more emotional than that. Felt like we were getting in way too deep, developing feelings etc. Not good.
Then he goes super quiet and my Spidey senses tells me his gf has had a baby (can't quite say why as he never told me she was pregnant, just thinking back over conversations there were hints that she was). What a fucking dick.
He eventually texts to say we can't do this anymore, after messaging me every day telling me he's falling for me, misses me when we don't chat etc. I sent this...
"Wow. So one day you are telling me you're falling for me, you see a life with me etc...a couple of days later we have a filthy conversation and you're wanking over me...a couple of days after that your girlfriend has your baby?! Jeez, what a fucking shit show your life is. Full of lies."
He hasn't responded 😂

To be clear, I don't want a life with him....I am happy at home. I just like the excitement I guess. But it bugged me so much that his gf was pregnant all this time and he didn't think he should tell me.

What's your situation @wigwiggywoowoo ?

Have you seen him in that time then?

Nope. We live too far apart, which is good. It's all just texts and emails!

Close friend of DH, very entwined close families holiday with them and other friends etc. Guess we've always been a bit flirty but never thought anything of it. Known him 10 years for fucks sake.

Anyway things started to escalate recently, nothing bad has happened but I wouldn't say 100% nothing! (Physical). Bit of inappropriate texting not loads then he said cool it down which brings us to last weekend.

I like him A LOT! I've got it bad!! Not sure about him quite guarded probably like you say just wants a wank. Very 'inappropriate' when together surprised no one has noticed (him not me).

That's pretty shitty of your guy @Boredbutcantstopscrolling. Like quite crap of him to do that when his GF is preggo!

Do you think we would be this bothered about them in ‘normal life’?

@Boredbutcantstopscrolling that is really shitty of him actually. There’s a line. Mine started this up about 3 weeks after he got married. He often says he can’t do it because of his son. Never mind her. I say I can’t do it because of DD AND DH

I do think he’s given up now though

@wiggywoowoo you will get over it but it sounds a bit too close for comfort so be guarded

I don't know. I've known him for quite a few years and spent 40 hours a week with him, travelled together a lot, so I felt I knew him properly. We never ran out of conversation and I liked that. We really enjoyed each other, he was very interested in things I didn't know a lot about so I've learned a lot of new things and taken up new pastimes. Overall I guess he made my life richer in ways.

But...do I want to fuck this life over to start another more complicated one with someone else? Whose flaws I see quite clearly?

Nah.

I mean...the guy who drunk texts another woman while his wife is out or asleep or in another room is by definition a less good guy than the man I married.

I'm joining this thread. I was 20 months post partum with second baby and met this very intense intelligent colleague at a work dinner. Instant chemistry. He is 8 years younger than me and we had a great connection and I felt for the first time that I was something other than a frumpy old mum. We started texting often and he works in my department roughly every 2-3 months as a specialist. He started volunteering to do this role more and more and basically has insinuated that he does it to see me. We have been for drinks just the two of us after work and met once for drinks. Nothing physical has happened. Nothing. It's very strange. I don't really know what is going on in his head. He is very inconsistent in his messaging. Sometimes very chatty but often breadcrumbing and won't reply for days. Then lots more texting. He has never instigated a meet up but is always happy to meet. He's never had a long term relationship ( early 30s) despite being in a profession where the workforce is mostly women. There are red flags all over the place but I'm obsessed! Am seeing him in 2 weeks at work. I am the project lead. I cannot stop thinking about him.
Things ok in marriage. Not sure why my head is like this. Not had my head turned like this in almost 20 years (met husband 20 years ago but been together 15).
I wish I didn't have to see him. I wish I could block him but I cannot as work together on these projects and there are projects chats on WhatsApp. Aaaaasargh!!

Oh no that sounds similar to me in that you can't just ditch em!

Not sure about 'real world' I mean I've known him a really long time and know him well. He's super charming which seems to be the problem. I don't know when I'll see him again which is a good thing but at the same time I don't like it!

Change jobs before you ruin your life

I’m so glad he doesn’t work at my place anymore

@wiggywoowoo
Mine is not charming. He is very geeky and a bit awkward but intelligent and quirky and funny. Very accomplished for his age. He's 31 but seems a lot older. He doesn't seem to have many friends but he has a very demanding job and a very geeky online hobby. But emotionally immature by my assessment. He messaged me yesterday to ask about something work related and I am currently off work sick so I said I'd get back to him about his query next week as ill. Not much sympathy from him so I left the message then he sent a message this morning saying "still breathing?"
I really don't know what this obsession is all about. Think he has been very flattering to me about the way I work and he has told me he thinks I'm very interesting many times. Last time we went out we hugged goodnight but he arched his head far away from me. Like he recoiled away. He knows I'm married.
My work colleague knows the situation and I've teamed her up with him at the next project day so she can suss him out.

@heartbrokenof
I cannot change my job. I LOVE it. He loves his job too but he has told me that he's looking to move to a different location in 1-2 years to do some more specialist training in his field.

I have met my people. Sorry this is long. Thankyou 🙏 split from husband but have been healing for the last couple of years and not got wth anyone as not really wanted to but developed a stronggg crush on a charming, flirty, sexy, tall, skin fade hair-cutted absolute specimen at work for a year who has also had break ups. I mistook his compliments and flirting as that he liked me but then he seems so oblivious and as if we are friends so much so that when I thought he may have liked me he then tells me about girls hes been on dates with 😳 I'm thinking hello why are you flirting with me are you dumb to casually tell me this. He has asked me to go round before but it is platonic 🙄 also said things like he would take it further with me but he is damaged and doesn't want to hurt me and has his guard up but I have kids and think that puts him off, we've kissed once but let me get this straight there has never been a proper thing between us just alot of confusion from his hot and coldness and I dread when a new girl starts at work because he is so charming and hooks girls in 'as friends'.

People comment on how he is with me, flirting etc. Anyway I borrowed him something and he needed to give it back and after a work do last week he said i could get it whixh I said no I was busy and then the convo ended up getting dirty which I never expected from him, next day I went round to get the item and thought something would happen because the night before he said he wanted confirmation that im on the same page he started sitting closer to me but i had to leave to be somewhere. I txt him to say he should have kissed me sooner haha and he said he knows etc but that he never knows if he can cuz he feels awkward but eugh he says stuff like I know you're obsessed with me which makes me paranoid and I question if I am the new Martha but lets get this straight I try and ignore him at work to not be obvious. So now he will go cold again after practically saying he wants to do stuff with me.

Logically i know it wouldnt work but he is so good looking and the thrill from the dopamine hits at work!! It has been over a year of highs and lows and full on anxiety hanging onto his msgs and any signal i can find and i dont want to feel like this 😫 I know he dont want a relationship and neither do I but I would sleep with him even though it's probs a bad idea because I need to get it out my system 😅, why am I losing my head over someones looks. One minute he is flirty, the next he sees through me and I just know he doesnt fancy me. I have no reason to txt him but dont know why he msgs about what he wants to do with me and then wont message for ages. He is such an awkward, hot and cold character. I know you're gonna say he don't want me etc but then can he stop being confusing and even if we just have sex then fine but he isn't consistent. He also only had half a day yesterday at work and when I came back from lunch he had gone and didn't even let me know 🥲 how could he?!

💐