Anybody else desperately trying not to contact a guy?

[FuckSakeGetAGrip]

I am, and it's honest to god wrecking me.

Please tell me someone else is struggling too.

I'll hold your hand if you'll hold mine...

A lot of stuff in the memories on my phone today, and there will be for the next few weeks. I would usually share them with him and we'd have a laugh about it but...no.

I just miss the friendship. Far more than anything else. Maybe if we hadn't got carried away we could have held on to the friendship.

Was it a real friendship though because I feel I have a friendship with my text person but it’s not really. If he gets what he wants he’ll be gone

It was for a long time, but things changed this year and became a bit more edging towards the line, so it's had to stop. I miss my pal though.

Good for you having the strength to do that. Ours has always been over the line in ways and I can’t do it anymore. Whenever I try to be friends he brings it back

Write a list of all the qualities you want in a perfect best friend, and then write a list of all of his qualities, and see if they match up. When you most likely see they don't, try to focus on making space for that new best friend to appear.

Thanks @namechangeforthis5 but I didn't quite make it today tbh but it's fine; if we can get back to friends who chat I'm good with that.

I needed this thread this week.
Can’t cut contact for various reasons. Didn’t want anything to happen (too much did), but now it’s stopped feel like I have gone completely insane. Good to see not alone and I do understand it is ridiculous. But pleased I am not the only one.

He kept saying before I was making no effort to meet him so I called his bluff and he became unavailable. And I know I couldn’t live with myself any way. I wonder if I could just be his text friend

She texted my DH for years. Their whatsapp-enabled fun ripped me to pieces on discovery

I could’ve written this @FuckSakeGetAGrip
in the exact same boat.
DM me if you fancy a chat.

sending courage. Keep your chin up.

Hey OP, I'm going through this same now, emotional affair and we both know we wouldn't leave our families. He's finally stopped it after it became too much, ie. we were texting every single day, saying we missed each other, have feelings for each other etc etc. He was totally right to do it, but god it hurts!
However, I'm 2.5 weeks in now since our last contact and it IS getting easier. I've noticed the last few days that I'm not waking up thinking about him immediately. I suddenly realise, sometimes, that it's been a few hours since I last thought about him. I'm not obsessively checking my phone to see if he's gone back on his word that he won't message me.
It will get better - trust me. Take it one day at a time and put your energy into something else. It won't take long before it starts to get better and you will realise it's for the best.
One thing I find helps is that I "text" him in my notes app - I write down what I would like to send him but just leave it in my notes. So I kind of feel like I've got it all out but I've never sent him anything so I can't seem like a deranged stalker 😂
Good luck - you can do it x

That's a great idea @Boredbutcantstopscrolling maybe leaving it a few hours will take away the impulse. You're doing great!

How’s everyone doing. I haven’t heard anything but I’m ok about it. I was using him too much for emotional support and he then after being lovely became a dick. It’s gone too far. I just think of his wife and I don’t want to message him.

Had a chat today. I feel a bit better for it although still feel like I am cracking up. There are various reasons why I cannot cut contact - and unfortunately the contact is close and will remain so - but I need to somehow distance myself because I am miserable. Am trying to keep very busy.

Presumably your marriages (For those who are married) are incredibly shit and lonely to be doing this?

Mine isn't @Sal24 but it's had its moments due to some traumatic family stuff. It was hard to talk about and I ended up finding that elsewhere.

Absolutely not @Sal24 and thats why it will never go anywhere. Not even sure how I got into this but he was relentless at the beginning and my self esteem is crap. Since I’ve been talking to my therapist I haven’t felt the need to message him at all so I think it’s a ‘me’ problem

Totally recognise that @namechangeforthis5

Interesting that logically we know why but that makes it hardly any easier to switch off.

Thank you @EstellaWaitHereForMe that’s really helpful and it’s true. I never thought I’d be involved in something like this and it does feel like we’re friends so hard to switch off definitely but I know he’s no good for me

@EstellaWaitHereForMe sorry to hear about your traumatic family stuff. Do you find as well it’s easier to talk to them because of the situation like no one knows so there’s no comeback?

A bit @namechangeforthis5

There were things my husband and I simply couldn't take about because it was too scary and awful, and I found it easier to say to people who were a) removed from the situation and b) only knew me so were focused on reassuring me and I really needed that.

Yes I totally understand that

I am in this exact situation. I feel like an idiot.

Can I join you all? Just thinking it's shit that everybody in my story is unhappy separately instead of finding a way to not be unhappy (which may not be possible, of course. But the "may" is the worst part).

God no, not at all. If it was this wouldn’t be a problem.

Anyway I seem to have been able to give my head a big wobble today, so that’s positive.