Can someone give a handhold? Partner tried to ruin my trip

[Random100]

Partner has a habit of ruining things. Any special occasion he kicks off to try and spoil it. He’s very childish in nature, tantrums a lot etc etc. I know I need to leave him.

I have been staying at his for a few days so has a few belongings at his. I’m off on holiday this morning with a friend and he’s been kicking off in the lead up to it. He has said multiple times he would take me to the airport, I paid for a tank full of fuel this evening as it’s double the distance that my house is from the airport.

He’s been making snide comments that I must hate him this evening. I went to bed early to try and get some sleep and he joined me not long after. All of a sudden he launched out of bed, screamed at me that I was making him physically uncomfortable in bed and stormed off, shouting his head off. I was in tears at this point.

He has just declared I must go to the airport by myself now and that he’s not taking me. He wants my belongings out the house too.

Sat in tears looking at an Uber costing me 90 quid.

Thank you, I’ve had a massive pizza and glass of wine. It was very much needed

I think the reality of the situation has hit me

To add, I'm glad you've done this tonight. You needed it. Others have mentioned the Freedom Programme and I can also recommend. You've had an absolute ordeal here. Consider doing this and perhaps some counselling. Like you, I blamed myself for not being able to pick the "right" man. However, I've learned that it's the good parts of us that let them in. I'm older and have chosen to remain single because I don't trust myself not to repeat that pattern but you're young and have time and means to turn things around so that you can spot the arseholes very early on!

Thanks all, I’ve been looking into the freedom programme tonight and very keen to do it as I think it’ll help me recognise abusive behaviour. I’ve also downloaded the Lundy Bancroft book and have been reading it, I was nodding my head at a lot of it!!

I am meeting with mutual friend later this week to get my things from them. I’ve been chatting to them a little through text and have found out ex boyfriend is now not speaking to them and went into a massive sulk because mutual friend wouldn’t tell him how I was/what I am up to etc. It’s a bit of an awkward one because I don’t want to drag other people into the situation but it seems ex boyfriend is happy to use this mutual friend as a ‘way in’ or source of information.

I am so very glad I don’t need to deal with the sulking mood bastard anymore. I was sick of his sulks, his storming off, his drama whenever something happened that he didn’t like.

Completely random but shows how ridiculous he is, he once threw a tantrum and stormed off out of my flat once because he couldn’t sleep on the side of the bed he liked the most. I was fast asleep on that side of the bed and he threw a huff and literally left my flat at 1am because of it. Ridiculous.

Take care OP. He sounds irrational and a bit dangerous. You are well out of it. It’s exhausting being with somebody who creates so much unnecessary drama.

You're doing great @Random100. Although I am starting to wonder if you're actually starring in a real life remake of Big, and have been going out with a toddler trapped in an adult's body. Having major strops over such trivial things is not the sign of a well adjusted adult. I'm almost tempted to dig out the "cutted up pear" thread, so you can see if the mentality sounds familiar.

There will be loads of instances which you tolerated that you will now remember, go over and process and realise - yeah, that was another one! 🤦🏼‍♀️

So glad you only stuck it out 8mths and this holiday acted as the catalyst to end it.

He would have whittled you down to nothing with his mood swings and gaslighting. Your family and friends wouldn’t recognise what you’d become.

You should commemorate the holiday date each year from now on and be so grateful you got away!

Well done for being brave and stay strong! X

I’ve dated this almost exact man. Charming, kind and patient at first, then slowly becoming difficult and unpredictable, until eventually always emotionally draining with a threat of violence.
I can imagine he gets angry whenever you just go about your life, whenever you accomplish something or show even a slither of independence?
walk away from this person and don’t ever look back or expect an explanation or closure of any kind. He will not improve, only get more and more draining.
Sending you love and strength xx

8 months in and I felt so so drained. Can you imagine if I was 2 years in? Or 5? I’d be a shell of myself wouldn’t I?

Walking on egg shells was very hard for me. He’d flip in an instant and I never knew what would set him off. When he was nice he was lovely and we had some good times but when he was behaving like an idiot it would be horrendous.

I’ve just created a second thread

Can you put a link to it here @Random100 so people know where to find you?

And can I just say you can congratulate yourself that it was only 8 months and you didn't let it go on any longer!

I've been there and it's awful. It eats away at your self esteem so quickly. Please get some counselling it's honestly the best thing and take some time to work on yourself. You deserve so much better

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5071400-partner-tried-to-ruin-my-trip-part-2

Oh I’ve been there!!

Walking on eggshells and the tantrums/rages over the most irrational things. Never knowing when they’re going to kick off!

It’s utterly horrible.
The stress got so bad for me I’m pretty sure it’s what triggered my Alopecia Areata. Never had it before and within 5 months of being with him, I’d got patches of hair falling out.

I stayed for 2 years and it broke me. I was a husk of a person and then my father died, I was devastated.
it’s taken me a further 2.5 years of Therapy and rebuilding, if you focus you can recover much faster than me.
everyone here is rooting for you, keep strong xx

Flying monkey, just like I said.

Well, that's one way to fill up the thread...

90 to get rid of a nasty bully is well worth it enjoy your holiday and future life don't look back

😄

he sounds a prize peach!! So glad you got shot.

Had a partner like this once! I left one day while he was at work and I never went back. Best decision I ever made! Get out now.

Send him a request for the money you spent on the Uber and then block him