Can someone give a handhold? Partner tried to ruin my trip

[Random100]

Partner has a habit of ruining things. Any special occasion he kicks off to try and spoil it. He’s very childish in nature, tantrums a lot etc etc. I know I need to leave him.

I have been staying at his for a few days so has a few belongings at his. I’m off on holiday this morning with a friend and he’s been kicking off in the lead up to it. He has said multiple times he would take me to the airport, I paid for a tank full of fuel this evening as it’s double the distance that my house is from the airport.

He’s been making snide comments that I must hate him this evening. I went to bed early to try and get some sleep and he joined me not long after. All of a sudden he launched out of bed, screamed at me that I was making him physically uncomfortable in bed and stormed off, shouting his head off. I was in tears at this point.

He has just declared I must go to the airport by myself now and that he’s not taking me. He wants my belongings out the house too.

Sat in tears looking at an Uber costing me 90 quid.

Go away and do not go back. If there is anything important among the stuff you have at his, take it, and drop it home on way to airport if this is possible. Anything else just dump. I can't think why anyone would be with this person and you will be much, much happier without him.

There is probably some creative thinking behind giving your items to the friend.

My guess is that he is a nice guy and went to all that effort to pack up your things and arrange having them returned to you.

All that effort I tell you. You are now indebted forever and he remains the good guy forever.

(In his mind of course).

Check there isn’t a tracker or something in the bag of belongings

This is a really good point.

But then he knows where the OPs friend is. And he will start using the mutual friend as a flying monkey if the OP doesn't squash it.

You can download a tracker app to check your things

So glad you are free from this vile man. Hell no more kill himself than I’m the Virgin Mary is my guess but in the unlikely event he does it’s on him not you.

Have you tried googling him op to see if anything comes up about him ?
Bet he's already on Tinder looking for his next victim .

My guess would be it would be more likely to be a long rambling letter left in with the belongings. Or that he'll have left something he thinks is important out of them, in the hopes op will go ask for it back.

Be wary of kind / apologetic normal behaviour, all designed to reel you back in

Be aware that for a woman in an abusive relationship, the two most dangerous times are (a) when she leaves and (b) when she becomes pregnant

Womens Aid might be able to offer emotional and practical support

When you say mutual friends, is this his friend from before you met?

Some people are addicted to having drama in their lives. Won't ever listen to reason, because then there would be no drama. They'll make threats to others, threats to themselves, threats to the police, and they won't ever learn. You're much better off out of it OP.

Double check everything for apple air tags etc BTW before you bring them to where ever you're staying.

Good idea. Or he may just follow the mutual friend to see where they deliver your belongings to.. 🌹

This guy sounds totally unhinged so please say you'll not go back to him on your return home. If you want your things back then ring the Police asking for an escort to his address to collect them. Explain the situation & that you're scared of going on your own. If the Police can't go ask a couple of trusted male friends or relatives to go with you. Message your hopefully soon to be Ex saying when you'll be there to collect & to have them ready packed at the door. If he doesn't do that & starts kicking off or trying to engage you in conversation when you arrive totally ignore him & walk away. Keep him blocked & don't reply to anything he send you by whatever means.
Know your worth & know that you deserve better. Good luck

@Random100

Glad you're getting your things back. Hopefully he realized he crossed a major (legal) line and there will be no more bullshit from him.

Onwards and upwards!

That’s good advice. I wouldn’t have thought to do that. I certainly don’t believe that this is the last OP will see of him. Unless police involvement does the trick. It can sometimes be enough to prevent anything further.

He will try different tactics. His first one failed (being aggressive, threatening self-harm) because OP blocked him and he was unable to get to her to carry them out to their fullest.
Unless he is moving onto a new victim, he will continue to try and find holes in your defenses by different methods, just be on guard for any attempts at engineering contact and nice guy behaviour,
He's realised aggression wont work and he's losing his home, so he's going to be pretty desperate to find somewhere else. Be on your guard for love bombing, promises of changed behaviour, and emotional manipulation. He will probably tell you everything you want to hear and it's really hard to turn your back on that because most people are eternally hopeful and will give people a second chance. but he's shown you who he is and that won't fundamentally change, don't get sucked back in.

Don’t get sucked back in OP. Please seek help from a charity to help you with this and to prevent you getting into another abusive relationship.

Please tell people (work, friends, family) what is going on for you. There’s nothing to be ashamed of. The most unlikely people will offer support.

What a piece of work he is.

I really recommend "why does he do that", you can download a pdf and it's excellent, as is the freedom course.

I'm glad you are safe. Be cautious and stay alert as it's highly unlikely he's just going to shrug and leave you be just yet.

Well done for leaving but please continue with the police report, as he sounds dangerous.

This very important point bears requoting.

And this after a mere 8 months. It's a gift that you've realised his true nature before he succeeded in bulldozing his way into your home, or worse still, having children with him. Imagine this after 8 years? It doesn't bear contemplating.

You are strong and have acted decisively, before he could get his feet under the table enough to break you. I salute you.

In the meantime, stay alert. Protect yourself and whatever you do, remember that each time you engage further with this psychopath, you prolong that process of detaching yourself from him a little further. Don't expose the strongest gap in your armour that could let him through.

This man needs keeping at a firm distance. There's no doubting that he is dangerous.

Be super vigilant. He may try to follow you home from work

You need to block all mutual friends, sadly because they will be used as a conduit by him. Never believe him. This type is dangerous

I know there's 30 odd pages but could folk not even look at OPs posts only?

It has moved on just a bit!

You'll be told "I'm on the app so can't see all OP posts" or "who are you? The thread police?", but I always think.... if a thread is approaching 1000 posts, even have a quick look at the last couple of posts and you'll see how far it's moved on!