A thread for fwb survivors (perhaps a little tongue in cheek)

[FWBSurvivor]

This is a thread for people who've had fwb where it hasn't ended in an ideal way? Which is kinda where I am at the moment.

Usually fwb suits me fine and when things come to a natural end I walk away it takes a little time to mend a bruised ego of course if they've been the one to end it. This situation is a little different.

Maybe I let it go on too long (nearly a year, I usually limit to around 6 months) and I did really like him. There were/are good reasons why it could never have become a serious/permanent relationship and I knew that from the start as did he and it didn't seem as if it would be a problem.

But then time goes on and I did come to like him quite a lot. He's chosen to end things as there are things he wants from a relationship which I simply cannot provide unfortunately. Nobody's fault just... life.

But I am feeling a little bruised as a result of things ending and not sure how long this will last or the best way to move forward.

So I thought a thread to chat with others who've been in a similar boat may help. You never know.

I’m ok @ThatRubyLion, hope you’re okay too. I saw my FwB this weekend. It was nice. And now I’m enjoying the peace and quiet and feeling like it’s just what I need.

As long as you are safe that's the main thing. There's always an element of risk if he has multiple women

Glad you’re feeling ok @Clytemnestra21

Thanks @mummypigoink, how are you doing? X

Good, I’m glad. I saw mine a week ago and it’s frustrating as he’ll only meet up if it’s his idea, so it’s gone back to the usual me texting him him reading and not replying when asking if he wants to meet up 🤨

@ThatRubyLion
Seriously, you need to develop some self-respect from somewhere and end this. He treats you like shit because you let him…You come running to his for sex whenever he clicks his fingers, and he ghosts you the rest of the time. It’s depressing to read.

Yes, I understand. Sometimes he will text back though, I saw him again yesterday. I just can’t seem to break the whole thing

How is everyone doing?
I’ve realised I’m in a bit of a new phase with my FWB. I don’t feel as anxious as I used to if he doesn’t text or call much for a day or so as overall he’s pretty consistent and attentive to me. But I realise I feel really insecure around certain times, holidays etc. This weekend he has an event for one of his children and I know he’ll be seeing his ex- partner (mum) and he’ll also be much quieter/less in contact as a result and it makes me feel jealous and a bit ‘less than’ and I start to feel a bit foolish for holding space for a relationship that’s so limited. When I’m busy and can’t see him it doesn’t bother me at all. So I think it’s a lot of longing for things I can’t have.

I completely get that. Mine unfortunately asked me for a threesome with a girl when I said I didn’t have anybody he told me to stop texting leave him alone and go away several times. So number deleted and no more from me. Hurt really that he did that but just goes to show he wasn’t there ever as a friend with benefits 🥺

wow @ThatRubyLion that’s horrible behaviour from him. Sounds like absolutely the right thing to have blocked him. Please stay away, he sounds really unpleasant.

He sounds like a total a-hole @ThatRubyLion, block him and never look back!

good for you @ThatRubyLion in blocking and deleting.

@Clytemnestra21 not necessarily related only to fwb but I do wonder if being less than and wanting what I can’t have is at the root of where I’m at in life in general. And the poor fwb choices are just a reflection of that?

@mummypigoinksorry you’re felling that way too. It’s weird, I generally feel pretty happy and don’t think of myself as someone with low self esteem but when it comes to relationships I wonder if I’m almost more comfortable in a less than ideal situation because it’s almost easier to handle when the disappointment is anticipated.

@Clytemnestra21 essentially self sabotaging?? Maybe.

Yeh- I think so. I’ve found this weekend quite hard because of FwB being so tied up with family. Just makes me feel really lonely and sad not to be part of a family anymore. But I think if he wanted to introduce me to his I’d probably be a bit stressed out and feel pressured

its not really accurate though because what you think is coloured by the uncertainty of our relationship with him. It would be normal to be stressed about meeting a partners family.

That’s true @mummypigoink

Hi,

I'm new here, but not to FWB situations so I feel stupid posting this!

My usually very keen, very responsive FB has gone quiet on me and I'm just so sad. He's a really nice guy, been through a horrible breakup that completely pulled the rug from under him and isn't up for anything more than a bit of fun. Neither am I, but somehow I'm still feeling slightly cut up at the thought of never seeing him again. He's respectful, complimentary, attentive, genuinely nice and we had great chemistry. We've always mainaitained that boundary so there are no blurred lines, don't get overly chatty over messages or message every day, but when we're together its a lot of fun and enjoy each other's company. There's no danger either of us would want a proper relationship - we're totally different people, living totally different lives and yet I'm still sad, disappointed and feeling horribly rejected! The situation was just so perfect and he was perfect for the situation.

I've allowed myself the odd silly thought, wondering if everything's OK, blaming the hot weather (he does a physical job), but I know that's all bullshit excuses of my own invention, really, and that he's just lost interest for one reason or another. I'd say he's avoiding finishing things because he either doesn't want the stress, to potentially upset me or to just not close the door compeltely. I'm not deluded, just unreasonably sad about it.

Hi! I totally understand what you mean and so will others on here. A friend going quiet on you is upsetting, whether you have benefits or not so there’s nothing wrong with how you’re feeling. And just because it was never going to ‘work’ doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be sad when it’s over. Offering virtual tea and sympathy 💐

@mummypigoink thank you! I knew this would be a good place to come, my friends IRL wouldnt get it at all!

❤️

Welcome @Thisisalow
i have found this to be a really supportive thread. ❤️
It’s totally understandable you feel how you do. However we define relationship, loss or rejection, or the anticipation of them are difficult. You sound very measured and pragmatic about your situation. I know exactly what you mean about not being able to speak to people IRL about it.

Thank you, so much. I've been reading all your stories this afternoon and I can see so many common themes and so much support. 💗

I’m so sorry @ThisIsALow25. Did you post about this before it rings a bell. I hope you get some closure (he does owe you that).

Thank you @Moresunlessrain. No, I haven't posted before, this is pretty recent and he's always been very reliable and keen up until now.

I'm really not expecting closure, I think he's a people pleaser and avoids conflict or anything potentially upsetting.

Hope everyone’s ok, did you hear from your guy @@ThisIsALow25?