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Original poster

A thread for fwb survivors (perhaps a little tongue in cheek)

1000 replies

FWBSurvivor · 03/04/2024 16:59

This is a thread for people who've had fwb where it hasn't ended in an ideal way? Which is kinda where I am at the moment.

Usually fwb suits me fine and when things come to a natural end I walk away it takes a little time to mend a bruised ego of course if they've been the one to end it. This situation is a little different.

Maybe I let it go on too long (nearly a year, I usually limit to around 6 months) and I did really like him. There were/are good reasons why it could never have become a serious/permanent relationship and I knew that from the start as did he and it didn't seem as if it would be a problem.

But then time goes on and I did come to like him quite a lot. He's chosen to end things as there are things he wants from a relationship which I simply cannot provide unfortunately. Nobody's fault just... life.

But I am feeling a little bruised as a result of things ending and not sure how long this will last or the best way to move forward.

So I thought a thread to chat with others who've been in a similar boat may help. You never know.

OP posts:
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5
ThisIsALow25 · 04/07/2025 19:20

Hi @Clytemnestra21 I'm OK, thanks, that's so kind of you to check in.

I haven't heard a thing, so that's now two weeks without a reply to my last message. The silence says everything I need to know, though!

I hope everyone is OK and looking forward to the weekend x

Clytemnestra21 · 04/07/2025 22:43

Sorry to hear it @ThisIsALow25that feels rubbish. Is this the longest he’s ever gone without being in touch? Hope you’re ok

ThisIsALow25 · 04/07/2025 22:54

Clytemnestra21 · 04/07/2025 22:43

Sorry to hear it @ThisIsALow25that feels rubbish. Is this the longest he’s ever gone without being in touch? Hope you’re ok

Yes, it is.

It's not the greatest feeling, but I have felt better as the week has gone on, thank you. Rejection is never nice on any level but it's just one of those things, I guess.

Clytemnestra21 · 07/07/2025 21:51

Would it be cheating on FwB to sign up to a dating app?

CarlitoLeg · 07/07/2025 21:53

Clytemnestra21 · 07/07/2025 21:51

Would it be cheating on FwB to sign up to a dating app?

No, join them all.

Moresunlessrain · 07/07/2025 21:59

Just remember you may see him on there too. But you’re not in a relationship so go ahead. Has something happened @Clytemnestra21

Clytemnestra21 · 07/07/2025 22:03

Honestly @moresunlessrainI just feel a bit stuck with him, he’s emphasised again recently that we’re just sleeping together and it doesn’t mean any more than that and I feel bit crushed by it all over again.

Clytemnestra21 · 07/07/2025 22:05

I’m feeling pretty sad about it to be honest. I’ve been pretty clear with him how I feel and nothing’s changing. What’s a bit pathetic is I’m not sure I really want to meet someone else. I think I’ve gone on the app hoping for a bit of a distraction and attention.

mummypigoink · 07/07/2025 22:07

GOOD!!! You deserve a distraction and a bit of attention.

Moresunlessrain · 07/07/2025 22:18

If it’s just sex and means nothing more to him I don’t know why he didn’t do the decent thing and let you go the last time you got so upset and he didn’t reach out for weeks. He knows you have feelings and want more. Sorry he just makes me so angry the way he is treating you

shivermetimbers77 · 08/07/2025 17:42

I think he’s being massively unfair to you @Clytemnestra21: he knows how you feel and yet he keeps reeling you back in . I’m sure he justifies it to himself by saying “I’ve been honest and it’s up to her if she comes back”, but that’s just slipperiness.. This happened to me before with a former FWB from decades ago: I remember crying in front of him multiple times, saying I wanted more, he wouldn’t give me that but he wouldn’t let me go either as he was too selfish to let go of the benefits for the sake of my wellbeing . In the end I was the one to walk away and it was absolutely 100% the right thing to do. You will ultimately need to be the one to walk away from this. If he hasn’t stepped up to offer more already, then he never will, but equally he is not going to give up what sounds like a very sweet deal for him. I think it’s a very good idea to go in the dating apps but you may well find that nobody matches up to him , at least not for a while. Try to make a break from him to give yourself a chance to meet a good one. Good luck!

instantick · 08/07/2025 17:50

Minez on holiday with I'm presuming his baby mom... I am officially done with mine.

Chatonette · 08/07/2025 18:12

shivermetimbers77 · 08/07/2025 17:42

I think he’s being massively unfair to you @Clytemnestra21: he knows how you feel and yet he keeps reeling you back in . I’m sure he justifies it to himself by saying “I’ve been honest and it’s up to her if she comes back”, but that’s just slipperiness.. This happened to me before with a former FWB from decades ago: I remember crying in front of him multiple times, saying I wanted more, he wouldn’t give me that but he wouldn’t let me go either as he was too selfish to let go of the benefits for the sake of my wellbeing . In the end I was the one to walk away and it was absolutely 100% the right thing to do. You will ultimately need to be the one to walk away from this. If he hasn’t stepped up to offer more already, then he never will, but equally he is not going to give up what sounds like a very sweet deal for him. I think it’s a very good idea to go in the dating apps but you may well find that nobody matches up to him , at least not for a while. Try to make a break from him to give yourself a chance to meet a good one. Good luck!

This is really good advice.

Clytemnestra21 · 08/07/2025 18:46

Thanks @shivermetimbers77 and @Moresunlessrain
really appreciate you sharing your thoughts. I’ve chatted to a couple of nice seeming people on the apps. Feel horribly guilty. And also a little bit curious and excited. Spoke to FWB and gently called him out on always red flagging to me that we’re not in a relationship. He makes a lot of reassuring noises but stops short of actually any kind of intention to be in a long term relationship with me. Maybe it’s like your experience @shivermetimbers77 - and I’m sorry that happened to you.

ThisIsALow25 · 08/07/2025 20:35

Hi @Clytemnestra21,

I think it's a good idea. At the moment he has all the power here. I've been back on Tinder for a week and have been chatting to some other men. It's actually made me realise that I want some time out, but it made me feel happier that it's completely my decision.

The thing that stands out about your sutstuon, is that you've been honest and he's still happy to atring you along. That's supremely selfish of him.

Summon your queenly indignation and run that man a bath! Kidding, but do get back out there, even if it's just window shopping at the moment.

ThisIsALow25 · 15/07/2025 12:41

Hi, how is everyone?

Little update on my situation! FWB messaged me last week, apologising for his absence. He's still in the middle of a difficult divorce and things haven't been going well over the last few weeks and alongside childcare commitments and work, he didnt have the bandwidth. We met up and I believe him. He was very clear at the beginning of the FWB relationship that he doesn't have capacity (time wise or emotionally) for anything more and I dont, either. For the moment, I like this situation and I like him (strictly in a FWB way), so I've agreed to see him again with the knowledge that this is how he reacts under stress, especially emotional stress, so this could happen again at any point. I've decided to carry on until it doesn't work for me anymore.

Moresunlessrain · 15/07/2025 12:44

Good to hear you’re happy at the moment @ThisIsALow25

How are you doing @Clytemnestra21?

ThatRubyLion · 15/07/2025 14:39

Mine came back a few weeks ago said he told me he had been unwell and that’s why he told me to go away then asked if I could sort a 3some

ThatRubyLion · 15/07/2025 14:50

Then after about a 3/4 week break I saw him last night. It got to me this time as after a lot to drink he was like texting going if we were together we’d be like this (he meant sexually as he was clear in what he said) and then said it again later on 🥺 if we were in a relationship we’d be swinging etc etc. It’s messed me up him saying that to me even if it was just heat of moment

mummypigoink · 15/07/2025 17:02

Just remember @ThisIsALow25 that the second he starts to talk about any of this, shut him down. You’re not there to listen to his problems if that’s how he behaves.

mummypigoink · 15/07/2025 17:06

@ThatRubyLion bin him. He sounds like an utter prick and nothing suggests friend.

ThatRubyLion · 15/07/2025 17:51

mummypigoink · 15/07/2025 17:06

@ThatRubyLion bin him. He sounds like an utter prick and nothing suggests friend.

I don’t know what to think

ThisIsALow25 · 15/07/2025 18:04

@ThatRubyLion that's disgusting behavior from him. FWB doesn't mean he gets to be disrespectful or cruel.

Thank you @mummypigoink , he didn't go into details or use me a sounding board, it was just an explanation, but its something I definitely need to be aware of.

ThatRubyLion · 15/07/2025 18:55

ThisIsALow25 · 15/07/2025 18:04

@ThatRubyLion that's disgusting behavior from him. FWB doesn't mean he gets to be disrespectful or cruel.

Thank you @mummypigoink , he didn't go into details or use me a sounding board, it was just an explanation, but its something I definitely need to be aware of.

I think it’s like the 3rd or 4th time that he’s said it’s over to me

ThatRubyLion · 15/07/2025 21:23

ThisIsALow25 · 15/07/2025 18:04

@ThatRubyLion that's disgusting behavior from him. FWB doesn't mean he gets to be disrespectful or cruel.

Thank you @mummypigoink , he didn't go into details or use me a sounding board, it was just an explanation, but its something I definitely need to be aware of.

He has also been showing his work friends and friends in the pub my pic going look who I’m sleeping with 🙁

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