A thread for fwb survivors (perhaps a little tongue in cheek)

[FWBSurvivor]

This is a thread for people who've had fwb where it hasn't ended in an ideal way? Which is kinda where I am at the moment.

Usually fwb suits me fine and when things come to a natural end I walk away it takes a little time to mend a bruised ego of course if they've been the one to end it. This situation is a little different.

Maybe I let it go on too long (nearly a year, I usually limit to around 6 months) and I did really like him. There were/are good reasons why it could never have become a serious/permanent relationship and I knew that from the start as did he and it didn't seem as if it would be a problem.

But then time goes on and I did come to like him quite a lot. He's chosen to end things as there are things he wants from a relationship which I simply cannot provide unfortunately. Nobody's fault just... life.

But I am feeling a little bruised as a result of things ending and not sure how long this will last or the best way to move forward.

So I thought a thread to chat with others who've been in a similar boat may help. You never know.

They know how to play us, personally I love being single and do whatever so I don't actually mind a weekly fwb shag if that's my way of relationshipping I know mine has another woman somewere maybe multiple but I don't owe any one he knows any loyalty so I'll just keep doing me. Don't get attached life's short x

So yet again out of the blue yesterday up he pops asking if I want to go over to his tonight for some naughtiness. And yep I went 🫣

Oh @Clytemnestra21 You were doing so well. @Chatonette is absolutely right on what he's doing. He loves to know that when he asks you to jump, you ask how high. He loves the control and you're freely allowing him to do that.

@Moresunlessrain is right too. Blocking will be the only way you cut loose. Yes it's hard. But have a long look at yourself. Do you want to continue being someone who is controlled?

@ThatRubyLion - well doesn't he sound an absolute peach? 🤦‍♀️ The sex had better have been good to let yourself be mucked around so badly and controlled. What would you tell your bestie if she told you the story you've told us? What do YOU want from this interaction?!

The grass really is greener without these "men"

It just seems to be a cycle that is really hard to break with my one x

I completely get this. This is me to a T too with my fwb X

Trust me, I do understand.

It is hard to break, but the long term gain is so very worth the short term pain.

@OfcourseitsaNCand @Moresunlessrain
i really hear you both on the short term pain for long term gain and I’ve been asking myself what’s holding me back. A big reason is a fear it won’t be a net gain because of the loss of really great sex. Have you managed to replace?

@Clytemnestra21 that’s exactly why I didn’t walk away (much) sooner! I knew he was messing me about. I was trying to replace him. But he showed up consistently and the sex was the best I’d had. And of course I fancied the pants off him. So I kept telling myself I’d just use him (playing mind tricks to justify letting him use me I can see now). Then one time he pushed me too far so I did end it. Then panicked and tried to back track. But it was over. I was incredibly upset. Way more than FWB upset.

but then not actually that long afterwards I met current FWB. I’ve never felt the same intensity of feelings (but that’s a good thing! And I think that intensity is a result of their hot/cold behaviour). But actually I’d say the sex now is better. And this guy is way more respectful of me. Definitely not perfect but I’m not looking for more atm.

I recently saw ex FWB. The same feelings and attraction are very much there. He’s definitely like a drug for me. I 💯 know if we were in contact again I’d be sucked back in. So I just have to remain NC

sorry for the essay but I hope that helps!

I can still remember the rush and exhilaration I felt (and would still feel) getting a message from him. Absolutely crazy really! Definitely a dopamine hit!

My issue is, every single time I see him I really like him. It is like a drug 🫣 but then I feel pretty rubbish after for few days and have to try not to text him. He does seem a nice guy but it’s hard. He’ll be all over me when he wants you know what for the whole day ringing texting all the time out of the blue and then afterwards I might get one reply from him and then it’s back to leaving my texts on unread (pretty sure he’s seen them though)

This is my fear as well. The sex is great

Me again sorry, does anyone get that horrible kind of empty feeling after seeing their Fwb? Must be a sign that I’ve caught feelings. Don’t know if I’ll hear or see from him again. It’s rubbish isn’t it as we cuddle in bed etc etc

Your arrangement sounds more like hookups than FWB @ThatRubyLion he’s ignoring you unless he wants sex

It goes like he will reply sometimes, normally a text or two if I text him after we’ve seen each other, then it’s normally he’ll leave it on unread. We do talk loads to each other when I’m at his before sex.

to me that’s just a hookup. Leaving you unread until he wants sex is incredibly disrespectful. Definitely not a friend

I don’t know what to think. It’ll normally go he text me randomly and say sex tonight, or you busy I’ll ask why and he’ll say sex 🤷‍♀️

Is that not a textbook Booty Call?

😔 Probably. We talk for hours about anything and everything when together and we’ve always termed it as friends with benefits. I just hate the after seeing him part, just end up wanting more

@Moresunlessrain thanks for sharing that. Do you think it was a pull/exhilarating with ex-FwB because you were in love with him?

I don’t seem to have the tools to get out of this.

It’s a question I’ve asked myself a lot. I definitely didn’t want a relationship with him. I knew he didn’t either. I guess probably. But then I’ve never had that almost addiction before or since either. It’s like the worse they behave the more we can’t get enough…

Me too 😔 I just don’t know where I am with him anymore. Gone from reading and occasionally replying to not even reading my texts now 😔 which what he has started doing then 3 days ago I had a text out of the blue saying sex tonight now or never

How is everyone

Hey, I’m okay, bit low - life stuff - can’t see my FwB at the moment due to life stuff. But we’ve plans to meet up. How are you? Are you still seeing the person you’d talked about?

Hope you’re okay Clytemnestra21 xx Yes, I’ve seen him once a week for the past 3 weeks since I left that message on here. Its always great at the time, it’s the after bit. Not knowing when/if it will happen again and trying to pull myself out of the whole cycle x