The famous 'how are you?' text from the ex...

[PiningPenelope]

Bf and I broke up after a fight last week. I wanted to work things through, he decided end it. I handled it with what I could muster of dignity and accepted his decision.

He's since been responding to my social media Stories, sent the odd message. Then went quiet for a couple of days as I didn't want to accept breadcrumbs and was in a lot of pain.

Then this morning I get 'How are you?'

Now, have any ladies on here ever successfully reconciled with an ex from this place? I am interested in reconciliation but I don't want to beg for someone who doesn't want me.

But I'm worried if I don't respond to him, he will think I've moved on.

Any advice how to respond to the 'How are you?' when the hope is reconciliation?

He is stringing you along. You haven't been running after him so he's throwing you a scrap.

He's reeling you back in- he let you swim around thinking you'd made a choice but all the time you'd taken the bait and now he's reeling you back in. As soon as you show interest he'll loosen the reel. It's a game. He's not interested. Just likes to keep you on the hook.

A how are you is not a I’ve missed you/Im sorry/Can we talk. It’s lazy and cowardly.

Remember that.

Damn, that's depressing

I have been here also, it was his choice but he couldn’t leave me be. Turns out, it wasn’t about getting back together it was about his own guilt and easing his conscience. You do you and care of yourself 💐

He means it suits him to have you available until he gets a better offer. Men do it all the time. You’re not a priority for him, don’t settle for just being an option. Let him go, block, delete, and good riddance.

Good ta, you?

Is there no chance he's scared to be vulnerable about his feelings? Am I being delusional?

No. Yes.

Seriously though, I did this to an ex. I strung him a long for a while because it suited me.

No and yes

I would either not reply

or say

Good, thanks (without asking about him!)

If he wants to reconcile, the text should have read: "I've made a huge mistake ending things, I miss you - would you consider going for coffee" or whatever. Not "how are you?"

My ex broke it off a week ago and he's messaged most days since then and I've tried to reply very short answers.

It's such a mind field.

We spoke today and he's not changed his mind so I've decided to not reply if he messages again .

Yes you are being delusional and if you weren’t - do you really want a future with a guy so emotionally stunted that he can’t say he is sorry… just “how are you?”

There's nothing to be vulnerable about.

He could easily have written, "I feel so miserable since we split and I think I did the wrong thing". But he didn't.

If he thought he'd made a terrible mistake and desperately wanted you back he wouldn't waste his time with a how are you. He probably misses you in a vague self-pitying way and craves the contact that is suddenly gone from his life. Don't confuse that sort of thing with anything worthy of your heads pace- sorry

I would just answer Fine thanks
If you want him back let him make the running and that starts with at least an I’m sorry can we try again.

Waaa I suspected I needed a good dose of a Mumsnet reality check.

This hurts.

Let this one go OP, there's a better man out there for you.

So should I reply 'Fine thanks' ie, up your game stupid?

Or shall I not reply?

If this is a game of chess I need to know how to play it 😂😍

Yes, it's painful and that's grim. But it could be painful now and you let this go and the pain will pass or you let him reel you back in and ditch you repeatedly and it will go on for longer.

'Why do you care?' would be my response!

A relationship shouldn't be a game of chess, it should be easy and straightforward. Something I only truly understood when I met DH and it was both easy and straightforward.

You need to send the thumbs up emoji!

He wants easy sex it's clearly much harder to get other sex than he thought

Just sex though not any sort of relationship because he stopped that bit remember.