The famous 'how are you?' text from the ex...

[PiningPenelope]

Bf and I broke up after a fight last week. I wanted to work things through, he decided end it. I handled it with what I could muster of dignity and accepted his decision.

He's since been responding to my social media Stories, sent the odd message. Then went quiet for a couple of days as I didn't want to accept breadcrumbs and was in a lot of pain.

Then this morning I get 'How are you?'

Now, have any ladies on here ever successfully reconciled with an ex from this place? I am interested in reconciliation but I don't want to beg for someone who doesn't want me.

But I'm worried if I don't respond to him, he will think I've moved on.

Any advice how to respond to the 'How are you?' when the hope is reconciliation?

We've been together for over 3 years long distance and had intentions to buy property jointly and move things along in the next couple of years

It's not for everyone but it's worked for us till now and we've discussed it in depth often. This has come as a big shock on the back of an argument

He said it worked for him. He said he wanted to move things along. He said he wanted to buy property with you. He has shown you that this was all rubbish. If he wanted those things, he'd be following through.

I would not reply for now. He is most probably shocked you have not contacted him. If he truly wants you back let him make a bit of an effort instead of a small text. If he ended it that was either in the heat of the moment or he is into mind games. Take your time as I was with someone years ago and they used to storm off and do the silent treatment and I did not understand all this and it messes up your head but they do it intentionally, is a narcissistic trait. Take your time, if he really cares he will do more than send a text and you are worth more than a text.

This is a great response. If you're trying to make him want you, do this OP

This isn't 'men', this is him. Love isn't a payment and reward scheme. Sometimes people are shit, and they do unexpected things that feel awful to be on the wrong end of. But don't blame 'men'. Women do this sort of thing too, and by giving him the excuse of being 'a man', you talk down your future partner, who will be loving and respectful and appreciative of you and your love.

“We’re finished, please don’t contact me anymore”

I would be tempted to reply with;

Who is this?
or
I'm great thanks. Is that Jason? (or another name)

I was going to say - My favourite response to this kind of nonsense is "who is this?"
(Because, you know, you deleted him and forgot him already)

Don't reply - block! Don't look at his SM, resolve to not agonise and analyse every conversation or argument and move on with your life. Do things that make you feel good - see friends, take a walk somewhere beautiful, book a trip away, treat yourself to your favourite meal. You are in charge of your own happiness. You deserve to be happy 💐

Really sorry OP, break ups are hard. I’d be tempted to reply ‘disappointed but getting on with it’. It’s the truth, and it puts the onus on him to step up if he’s planning to seriously try.

If he doesn’t come back with anything more apologetic I’d say you’d prefer to have no contact for a while and want some space to move on.

Perhaps he's trying to work out if you're staying in or going out of a Friday night. I wouldn't rush to reply. Perhaps Sunday afternoon send a thumbs up.

Don't bother playing games.
Just block / delete and do not go looking for him on line with anything.

He knows where you live, he can turn up with a florist shop worth of flowers to say sorry !

He almost certainly decided to break up with you some time before it happened..that means he's used to the idea whilst you're hurting.

Don't give him any time or thought. He's gone.

Exactly he's not getting any easy lays...so you've sprung to mind.
Throw this one back.

I still get these 15 years on from.a long term ex boyfriend, we are both married now and I have no intention of reconciling

Every ex does this at some stage regardless of how broke up with who.

99% of the time, it's horniness
1% of the time, it's homelessness

X

He dumped you. If he wants you back the onus is on him to say so, clearly and unambiguously, and to take the risk of being rebuffed.

Dont respond. Or if you do give no encouragement. Something like 'Good thanks' thats it.

Dont accept the crumbs he is throwing you. Stop thinking he's afraid to be vulnerable. I did this over and over for 5 yrs. Find someone who deserves you and fights for you

I can tell you 100%, hand on heart that no happy, lifelong partnership I know involved a breakup where one partner was scouring Insta for other women and dropping little breadcrumbs to keep the ex on the hook and waiting for him to pick her back up. Yes people have ups and downs - even time apart sometimes - but two people who are ultimately right for each other don't engage in these kinds of games. It's a total lack of respect and love.

There is no happy ending with this guy. Even if you get him back this time. He's not the one.

I like the idea of the thumbs up reply. Or just 'I'm fine' (no need for 'thanks'.)

If you want to wind him up, post a few updates of fun you are having without him. Please don't be reeled back in. Those men are wastes of space.

I once had a casual fling with a man who had recently split up with his ex. She wanted him back and I witnessed her successful campaign to get him. It was impressive. She just sent him really upbeat updates like: had a great time on Sunday with 12 mates over for a roast... weekend in Rome - so beautiful! etc. Never giving the impression she missed him, but staying apparently friendly while showing him the fun he was missing.

It worked. He started to feel really jealous of all the fun she was having. I wasn't the cause of their split - someone else was - and that fizzled out fast. He went back to her but was serially unfaithful. I felt sorry for her. All that effort to get back someone who wasn't worthy of her.

Why would you want to reconcile with someone who has ditched you? I don’t get it.

I did. And ended up marrying him. We’re still together.

Funnily enough, when we got back together 2.5 years after he’d dumped me, quite bluntly as well, he moaned that I hadn’t chased him or tried to get him back. I missed him like crazy, but my dignity mattered more to me than trying to chase him. Why would you chase someone who tells you that they don’t see a future with you?

If he wants to reconcile he will make it clear to you. "How are you?" sounds like he is bored and lonely. I wouldn't respond unless he has something meaningful to say.

Just wanted to say a huge thank you to everyone on here for giving me a good dose of perspective! So glad this morning that I didn't cave and reply yesterday and feeling better