The famous 'how are you?' text from the ex...

[PiningPenelope]

Bf and I broke up after a fight last week. I wanted to work things through, he decided end it. I handled it with what I could muster of dignity and accepted his decision.

He's since been responding to my social media Stories, sent the odd message. Then went quiet for a couple of days as I didn't want to accept breadcrumbs and was in a lot of pain.

Then this morning I get 'How are you?'

Now, have any ladies on here ever successfully reconciled with an ex from this place? I am interested in reconciliation but I don't want to beg for someone who doesn't want me.

But I'm worried if I don't respond to him, he will think I've moved on.

Any advice how to respond to the 'How are you?' when the hope is reconciliation?

Ignore ignore ignore ignore ignore ignore ignore ignore ignore ignore.

To add, my ex did this. He ended it in the most appalling way and the "how are you / are you ok" texts were at best him trying not to look like the complete arsehole that he was.

Silence is the best way to let someone know you don't want to know them anymore. It hurts.

He's asking about a pet - ffs 🤦🏼‍♀️

Don't respond, remain aloof - he can feel adrift then the fucker

Glad you're feeling better

Ok, I've slept in regards to the pet thing, and would like your thoughts.

This will sound bizarre, but it's a type of farm animal - think along the lines, alpaca / goat / sheep (won't say as could be outting).

The animal is currently located near him, as I moved it there. He does not pay for or have any responsibility for the animal - I cover the cost of its care etc.

He's messaged asking when I will be moving the animal back to me. I'm assuming this is so he can visit it one last time.

I've slept on it, and think it would be ok to write back just 'End of April', as that's when it's coming back.

I feel this is ok to do as I ...

A) Genuinely don't care if he wants to visit the animal a last time. I'm not vindictive. I feel quite indifferent on this.

B) Know my replying is not routed in any kind of hope / subconscious pain.

I just think as my most normal indifferent self to any person I was indifferent to, I would just say that.

Then go back to silence. If thereafter he keeps sending little messages I would politely tell him that I don't want him to reach out any further and then give him silence.

Thoughts ladies, before I send this?

How about you reply ‘I’m busy right now, I’ll let you know nearer the time”.

Sorry but what is thirst-trap? 😳

Block him. He does not care about visiting your animal he is just trying to think of a question that you would reply to. He is not paying for the animal so he has no right to know when/ if it is being moved.

This ☝️

He literally doesn't give a fuck about the animal, honestly he doesn't, he's just looking for a response, any response at all. That way he can try and draw you into a conversation. Stand strong OP! Fuck him.

He literally can't believe you haven't caved and messaged him. He isn't worth your time.

I agree with the other posters he's just looking for an ego boost.

Good luck OP onwards and upwards!

Ignore! He’s just trying to ask something now that he thinks you will reply to, and as per your last post it’s working.
I’ve fell for it myself and honestly you’ll feel so much better if you continue to ignore.

Ignore. Him.

Come in OP...you know what this is. You're smart enough.

Ffs don't reply

He wants to visit the animal one last time? Tough shit.

Don't reply.

Ignore. If he was that attached to the animal and it’s close to him he’d make it a priority to visit just in case you moved it quickly. He could contact the place it’s housed to arrange a visit etc, no need to involve you.

ignore.

Ive been in your situation a few times and the best thing to do by far is ignore. You don’t want him back only for him to do it to you again - Think how shit you’d feel about yourself then!

ignore

Like others have said he wants a response. He wants to feel less guilty/confirm you still want him/make sure there is a way back if local thirst girls reject him. He’s pathetic. Luckily for you you confirmed this when you checked his Instagram. That’s not the behaviour of someone pining for their recent ex is it.

ignore

Ahh, ok, bad judgement on my part.

I keep trying to remind myself - HE ended it. I wanted to work things through. It's not for me to fix.

It's for me to move on.

Don’t be hard on yourself, what you’re feeling is natural. We’ve all been there. Sounds like you’ve got a great attitude - stay strong x

Keep ignoring him rather than trying to come up with pretend reasons to reply to his fake excuses for contacting you, looking after his feelings about visiting an animal after he dumped you is a very flimsy reason, its not real.
Dont reply, block him, don't do it to yourself. He doesn't care how you feel, he ended it. You haven't got kids or a shared home, there's nothing to sort out, give yourself the space it takes to start to get over a separation and recover, its a gift. You can't do that if you're swapping messages for pointless reasons.

Honestly, my first thought was that he was going to give you a hard time about the animal being near him. Probably not but frankly, he didn't say he wanted to visit. You are assuming.

Just ignore. You owe him nothing. A response would juat have him drawing you in further as part of his plan to make sure he can pretend to be the good guy - so saying he will miss the animal or visit it or help move it etc.

So so so embarrassed to admit this but I've asked an ex about his cat after we broke up, even asked to come by and see it as I missed it. Of course I didn't care about that cat, it was an excuse to see him. Luckily he didn't fall for it. Most pathetic thing I've done! (and that's saying something).

if he truly wanted reconciliation, he should be sending you flowers, gifts, love letters and apologies - not a ‘how are you’ text

maybe he is just needing a hit of dopamine from your validation or after easy sex

he was quick to dismiss you and the relationship - always remember that

Just keep ignoring him; he's just trying to reel you back in. Remember why you split up, because if you ever got back with him, the next split would be for the same reason.

I didn't reply.

HE'S SENT ANOTHER MESSAGE!!!!

He's sent two sad faces.

I KNEW it. He wants to pretend you are still friends. That this is a lovely haply friendly break up.

Maybe he even still wants to be friends (did you massively support him practically and/or emotionally?)

But either way he wants to be the "good guy".

You could reply with, "you ended it so please stop trying to pretend everything is fine. Its not. Respect me enough to leave me alone."

Or just keep ignoring him.

I'd be more interested in the cat than the ex.

Keep ignoring him. If he wanted you back he should be pleading for you to take him back, he's just sending these pathetic messages for attention. My ex was exactly the same. Eventually he lost interest.