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Original poster

The famous 'how are you?' text from the ex...

287 replies

PiningPenelope · 29/03/2024 19:47

Bf and I broke up after a fight last week. I wanted to work things through, he decided end it. I handled it with what I could muster of dignity and accepted his decision.

He's since been responding to my social media Stories, sent the odd message. Then went quiet for a couple of days as I didn't want to accept breadcrumbs and was in a lot of pain.

Then this morning I get 'How are you?'

Now, have any ladies on here ever successfully reconciled with an ex from this place? I am interested in reconciliation but I don't want to beg for someone who doesn't want me.

But I'm worried if I don't respond to him, he will think I've moved on.

Any advice how to respond to the 'How are you?' when the hope is reconciliation?

OP posts:
Missinbeach · 11/04/2024 04:54

have any ladies on here ever successfully reconciled with an ex from this place? I am interested in reconciliation but I don't want to beg for someone who doesn't want me

The OP is or was interested in reconciliation, so I can understand her confusion.

You said originally when you discussed it with him he wanted to end the relationship even though you didn’t want to end it. I wonder what reasons he gave. I wonder what the “fight” that precipitated this was about. You don’t have to say btw.

What I would say is the how are you and enquiries about a pet seem at best emotionally immature. You don’t say to a child they can’t have an ice cream and then give them a lick. It’s also a little cruel. Is he emotionally stunted or clueless?

If you wanted you could give him the opportunity to fight for you, but a measley how are you isn’t it.

Understandably you are still emotionally distressed and reeling eg your throwing up. I agree with blocking on social media, but see no special reason to block on your phone. What I would be tempted to do is to either simply ignore messages until he came up with something serious. Or else text back simply “what do you want?”. If you don’t like or are not interested in the answer just ignore and don’t reply again.

Make sure you protect your heart, be kind to yourself, it’s been through a lot, and the healing will come over time.

SavBlancTonight · 11/04/2024 08:15

PiningPenelope · 10/04/2024 19:18

@Candleabra I did block him! On socials and on WhatsApp! I didn't even think of text as he's literally never text me once in his life. He's always used WhatsApp.

Hence why I was taken so off guard. 😂

which also means he KNOWS you have blocked him, but has still put a great deal of effort into ensuring his little message gets through. Which frankly, is a little odd. And your (over) reaction is as well.

OP, I think you are well shot of this relationship because I'm starting to suspect there were a lot of other red flag behaviours and you might not necessarily be completely aware of them yet, but your body certainly is.

Nagado · 11/04/2024 14:47

PiningPenelope · 10/04/2024 18:47

OMG! LADIES!

After ten days of radio silence....

...guess what comes again.

The SAME damn text. 'Hows it going?'

And annoyingly I saw it and was so shocked / taken off guard I immediately threw up. Dramatic I know! 😂

I don’t think it’s dramatic. I think it’s your body’s way of telling you that this whole mindfuck of a situation is not good for you.

The arrogance and selfishness of this man is breathtaking. He’s clearly realised that you’ve blocked him everywhere else so instead of taking that as a sign that you don’t want to talk to him, he’s decided that your need to heal obviously isn’t anywhere near as important as his need to have his ego massaged, so he’s contacted you in the one way he’s never bothered to do before. How fucking dare he?! If that doesn’t tell you how little he cares about your welfare, then I don’t know what will.

He’s obviously not finding the single life as much fun as he thought he would. Well fuck him and the horse he rode in on. You’re not disposable and he can’t pick you up and then discard you as it suits him. He had you and he threw you away. He didn’t want you anymore. How fucking dare he think that you’d be grateful for three pathetic, meaningless little words after years of being in a relationship. It’s not even a decent attempt at opening a conversation.

Please say you ignored it and blocked him?

Orchidlie22 · 11/04/2024 16:12

@PiningPenelope hope you're ok. Maybe have an adult conversation at what he wants exactly? If he doesn't want to make things work then ask him to respect you and leave you alone x

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 11/04/2024 17:28

but... he still has not turned up on your doorstep with the biggest bunch of flowers in the world and said ' I am sorry '

I am sorry I broke up with you
I am sorry I hurt you
I am sorry we had that big fight before I finished with you
I am sorry I made a big mistake

Original poster
PiningPenelope · 11/04/2024 17:46

@OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon nope, no he has not.

Although today he has removed me from our shared Spotify account and blocked me out of Netflix. 😂Don't think he liked that I didn't reply to him. 👀

OP posts:
OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 11/04/2024 17:49

how childish, and nasty of him

he should have added in his text, that now we are no longer together i am ending the accounts we shared - unless you wish to take them over.

Springtime43 · 11/04/2024 17:51

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 11/04/2024 17:28

but... he still has not turned up on your doorstep with the biggest bunch of flowers in the world and said ' I am sorry '

I am sorry I broke up with you
I am sorry I hurt you
I am sorry we had that big fight before I finished with you
I am sorry I made a big mistake

This

Orchidlie22 · 18/04/2024 17:33

@PiningPenelope how are you doing? Today is day 10 of no contact for me.
Healing each day but still sad if I think about him!

Original poster
PiningPenelope · 23/04/2024 22:16

Hey all!

If anyone is still around, I'd appreciate some advice.

I blocked ex more than a week ago. He then reached out via email asking how I was and if I was never going to speak to him again.

I replied that, respectfully, I need him to leave me alone and respect my space after he ended things between us.

I've been doing well, focusing on myself, then tonight his best friend's wife has text me saying she's only just heard about the break up and asking how I am.

Its a bit out of the blue - we aren't mutual friends. He was best man at her wedding etc. But I did get on with her well and we went on holiday in our couples.

It's really triggered me..I feel low, depressed.

I don't know if I should reply to her or not? What do you think?

I don't want to be rude to her. But just seeing her text has reminded me of him and made me feel shit again.

OP posts:
Sceptical123 · 23/04/2024 22:19

Was his email before/after Netflix and Spotify?

HellonHeels · 23/04/2024 22:22

It's possible she's being genuine in making contact.

But it's probably far more likely that your ex is using her to make contact with you.

I'd block without responding, she's not your friend.

Sceptical123 · 23/04/2024 22:22

I’d reply to her thanking her for reaching out and you’re doing as well as you’d expect… keep it brief and without any cause for her to follow up if you don’t want further communication. Just a closed statement- polite but not heartbroken or anything you don’t want getting back to your ex, try and keep as neutral as possible and don’t mention him

Sceptical123 · 23/04/2024 22:25

Ignoring her would be rude and imply you’re taking the break up really badly

SeismicSalad · 23/04/2024 22:31

Sceptical123 · 23/04/2024 22:22

I’d reply to her thanking her for reaching out and you’re doing as well as you’d expect… keep it brief and without any cause for her to follow up if you don’t want further communication. Just a closed statement- polite but not heartbroken or anything you don’t want getting back to your ex, try and keep as neutral as possible and don’t mention him

This

Original poster
PiningPenelope · 23/04/2024 22:43

@Sceptical123 after. The email was most recent - about a week ago - after several attempts on his part to reach out with various 'how are you's - all of which I ignored. I've not heard anything from him since I asked him to leave me alone.

OP posts:
PossumintheHouse · 23/04/2024 22:49

Ignoring her isn't rude. Ignoring him isn't rude. Ignore them!

Noseybookworm · 23/04/2024 22:51

PiningPenelope · 23/04/2024 22:16

Hey all!

If anyone is still around, I'd appreciate some advice.

I blocked ex more than a week ago. He then reached out via email asking how I was and if I was never going to speak to him again.

I replied that, respectfully, I need him to leave me alone and respect my space after he ended things between us.

I've been doing well, focusing on myself, then tonight his best friend's wife has text me saying she's only just heard about the break up and asking how I am.

Its a bit out of the blue - we aren't mutual friends. He was best man at her wedding etc. But I did get on with her well and we went on holiday in our couples.

It's really triggered me..I feel low, depressed.

I don't know if I should reply to her or not? What do you think?

I don't want to be rude to her. But just seeing her text has reminded me of him and made me feel shit again.

Don't reply. You've moved on with your life and they're his friends. No need for you to have any contact with them. Block his email too!

jenny38 · 23/04/2024 22:57

I would reply, she is probably being kind and must have liked your company. Just something generic, I'm doing OK, everything happens for a reason type of reply.

Candleabra · 23/04/2024 23:04

She may be just kind and concerned (has she ever texted before though? Or been bothered about being friends outside of the couples?)
My money is on a flying monkey - she’s been sent in to find out what’s going on.

Either ignore, or reply and say you’re fine. No more than that. You don’t want to stroke his ego if he finds out you’re not doing well.

Southern68 · 24/04/2024 04:48

I would reply politely thanking her for her concern and say you're doing ok. I would keep your reply non chatty. If she messages again, and mentions the ex, just say he made his decision and you'd rather not re hash it all.

Sceptical123 · 24/04/2024 05:36

PossumintheHouse · 23/04/2024 22:49

Ignoring her isn't rude. Ignoring him isn't rude. Ignore them!

She’s made the effort to check on OP after hearing the news and OP said they got on well and had been on holiday together. She’d probably understand if OP didn’t want to speak to her but she’s not OP’s ex.

BananaLambo · 24/04/2024 06:21

You’re doing really well. I suspect she is your ex’s flying monkey. If you want to respond (and you don’t have to) just be brief and say, ‘Surprisingly well. It was a bit of a shock at first, but actually it was the right decision’.

SavBlancTonight · 24/04/2024 06:21

Good job on your reply to.him. what does he think is going to happen? You will be BFF? Twat.

I would reply. Pretty bland and basic but in case it is a case of him using her to get to you, I would casually referencthis behaviour. NOT in a huge rants way, but just so that if he's telling sob stories. Something like, "thanks for checking in. Yes, it was a surprise and it's been hard, but I am doing OK."

Amx · 24/04/2024 07:05

I would reply and say I'm good, busy with work and planning nice things for the summer. Thanks for checking in, hope you're well too.

Pretty bland but enough that she can report back to him if that's the plan. And then hopefully he'll get the message.