The famous 'how are you?' text from the ex...

[PiningPenelope]

Bf and I broke up after a fight last week. I wanted to work things through, he decided end it. I handled it with what I could muster of dignity and accepted his decision.

He's since been responding to my social media Stories, sent the odd message. Then went quiet for a couple of days as I didn't want to accept breadcrumbs and was in a lot of pain.

Then this morning I get 'How are you?'

Now, have any ladies on here ever successfully reconciled with an ex from this place? I am interested in reconciliation but I don't want to beg for someone who doesn't want me.

But I'm worried if I don't respond to him, he will think I've moved on.

Any advice how to respond to the 'How are you?' when the hope is reconciliation?

The going quiet for a couple of days was when he was trying to get other sex

This 100%. When you find the right one it won’t be a game of chess, back and forth etc. You won’t have to tie yourself in knots trying to guess your next steps - you’ll take those steps together, naturally. Any decent partner doesn’t want to muck you about like this. M

He’s just making sure he’s got you as a back up. I’m sorry, I know that will feel rotten. My best advice is distract, distract, distract, especially with self care. Can you call a friend, or plan a treat tomorrow to look forward to, stick a favourite movie in etc? Just get through each our without responding for now, then re read this thread in the morning (if I’m UK)

It

Don't reply. Don't make it a game- it isn't. Move on and never look back at him.

Say nothing. That's the way to really fuck him off.

I agree with pp's, it should be easy and straight forward no game playing. I only realised this when I met my now dh.

If you want to see what he wants ask him.

'What do you want ex?'

Anything other than a sincere apology is just him wanting an ego boost or a booty call.

It’s a booty call. He’s just realised that X sex is easier than getting a new girlfriend and then convincing her to have sex.

Block and move on, and good luck.

Block block block him ! Text us instead. He is a no good dumping loser.

Raise your standards, op. If someone had dumped me, a text wouldn't warrant a response.
Nothing less than a personal appearance with a grand gesture and sincere regret would even get a look in

So many sensible women on this thread. And they're almost all saying the same thing OP...

He could easily have written, "I feel so miserable since we split and I think I did the wrong thing". But he didn't.

I was about to write the exact same thing. If he’s genuinely sorry and cares about you he should be humble enough to say so and make amends. Don’t accept these breadcrumbs.

I’d either not reply or reply and say “ I’m fine thanks. I wish you all the best moving forward”

In the long term consider removing him from your social media or at least muting him. I agree with the poster who said a relationship shouldn’t be a game of chess . If you are what he really wants he wouldn’t be playing these silly games.

I'm listening! And I'm hearing.

It's not a booty call as we are long distance. He's over 4 hours away.

Your all right though, if he was serious he would step up.

This!!

Do you honestly think if you are with this man years down the line he will ever be reasonable and not selfish.

His actions are showing you he thinks he is better than you, due to him dumping you after you showed you wanted to work things out, and then his weak response in trying to communicate again, no apology, no remorse, no concience.

He's selfishly important.
Find a thoughtful man.

Another vote for do not reply!

Thumbs up emoji would be my vote. But alternatively you could be direct: im a bit confused, you ended our relationship last week, why are you texting? He will either step up, or say he wants to be friends. Obviously you already have enough friends.

Block, don’t reply

Don’t reply …

he’s annoyed you haven’t been begging for him to reconcile , he wants to see if you are heartbroken/still interested etc etc .. he’s fishing .. throwing you the line to see if you’ll take the bait ..

if he wanted to reconcile .. he’d say ..

Learn from me. Mine did this to me for a long time. I wasted so much time. It’s exactly what a PP said. Reeling in. Checking you’ll still take the bait. I am quite sure no relationship has succeeded from this point. I’d urge you to hold your self respect and not reply. There’s a 45 day rule that’s good - set the date in your calendar, promise no response til after then. I bet you’ll not want to after that.

Really, what's the point in a LDR of 4 hours ? - unless you met before one of you had to move. Really no point otherwise. Most men do LDR's so they can see people locally too without getting caught out. He's decided the effort isn't worth it, have you met in person?

Even if he was serious, where could this have possibly gone with a four hour distance?

Someone who wants you won’t play games OP.

Firstly they won’t want to risk losing you and secondly they will care too much about hurting you.

Whilst it’s certainly possible he is regretting acting hastily and ending it after an argument, unless he is calling and saying “let’s talk / let’s work this out” then he shouldn’t be contacting you at all because it’s not fair.

I would go back and be upfront about my feelings and give him the option to speak up, if he doesn’t then that would be the end of the question in my head and I would ask him to not contact me again.

“I am ok, I am still quite upset and coming to terms with things but I am doing ok. Do you still feel the same way as you did last week or do you want to talk about things?”

depending on that answer I would know. We’re all scared of being hurt and being vulnerable but it’s no excuse to mess people around, he needs to step up or fuck up basically

We've been together for over 3 years long distance and had intentions to buy property jointly and move things along in the next couple of years.

It's not for everyone but it's worked for us till now and we've discussed it in depth often. This has come as a big shock on the back of an argument.

Fuck him I guess.

Omg. I've just caved and looked at his Instagram profile for the first time since the breakup. He's followed loads of thirst-trap looking local girls.

He does not still care or love me at all. It's all about validation. Yuck.

I feel sick.

He's horny.

Don't go back. never go back.

I feel so shit. Why are men so shit? How can they treat you like this when for three years you have consistently loved them, supported them, respected them, honoured them, pleasured them, encouraged them. Fuck them!