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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Dumped, but he's text. No contact or reply?

230 replies

Soggybuiscut · 22/03/2024 22:13

I've just been dumped over the phone about an hour ago by bf of 3 years.
He's now text me some love hearts... Mind fuck.

Do I reply, or ultimately go no contact and just ignore?

I'm obviously in turmoil and want him back, but with perspective do think I deserve better.

OP posts:
AnneKipankitoo · 22/03/2024 22:14

Block

LadyGAgain · 22/03/2024 22:15

Sorry.
Your BF of THREE years has dumped you BY TEXT and you think he's a keeper?? (Sorry for your heartbreak).

AnneKipankitoo · 22/03/2024 22:15

And no reply obviously !

Butterflymosaic · 22/03/2024 22:16

Block and grey rock!

PossumintheHouse · 22/03/2024 22:16

He sounds like he was drunk, and is now more drunk, and is just a really big wanker in general.

EmpressSoleil · 22/03/2024 22:16

Just think about the fact that if you did get back together, you would never feel secure in the relationship again. You'd always be waiting for the next time he's going to leave you. That's no way to live.

It is hard but keep your dignity and block. I promise you will feel better in the long run.

RubyGemStone · 22/03/2024 22:18

May not be feasible to block at this stage, am assuming you may need to have some contact.

Not knowing him its hard to tell if he's trying to draw you into some sort of back and forth or looking to assuage his guilt.

I would probably wait until the morning, then reply with a Do Not Contact Me Again/unless regarding xyz (whatever life admin you need to sort out). Alternatively if I didn't need to hear from him again, I would block him. Clean cuts heal better.

Missymooo322133 · 22/03/2024 22:20

Did you respond to the first text, then he replied with the love hearts. Or did he send them after no response. If it's the latter then yes big mind fuck as he is wondering why you haven't run begging. In which case, block

babbi · 22/03/2024 22:21

Dumping by text after 3 years is simply pathetic and a measure of the man he is .
You really do deserve better .
Please do not respond and if you need to be in touch for anything ( return of things etc ) be calm and focused .
Do what needs to be done and exit quietly with your head held high .
Good luck for the future .

Original poster
Soggybuiscut · 22/03/2024 22:25

He didn't dump via text. We were speaking on the phone.

He then text me an hour later the love hearts. This had confused me.

OP posts:
ColourMeBlue · 22/03/2024 22:26

Ignore it for now.Take some you time.Chances are,you will come to the conclusion you are better off without him.Give yourself 24 hours before you reply or react.It really can make the world of difference.

GabiT · 22/03/2024 22:27

It’s impossible to advise without any context. Why did he dump you (or what reasons did he give)? How did the phone conversation develop? Often the person who does the dumping is the person who wants the relationship (but feels they have no other choice but to leave) so it’s really hard to give any advice.

PossumintheHouse · 22/03/2024 22:27

Send him a cluster of 😂😂😂 in response and then block him.

spookyastronauts · 22/03/2024 22:30

Don’t reply. I mean what could you possibly say in response to that? Not sure what he’s expecting. Just ignore it

Hattie98 · 22/03/2024 22:30

What a twat.

I'm sure I'm being overly suspicious, but I'd be wondering whether the love hearts were meant for you or whether he meant to send them to someone else...

Purplecatshopaholic · 22/03/2024 22:32

PossumintheHouse · 22/03/2024 22:16

He sounds like he was drunk, and is now more drunk, and is just a really big wanker in general.

This. Block, ignore, move on. You are worth so much more op.

Original poster
Soggybuiscut · 22/03/2024 22:34

The relationship has been good, really good. Then we had a very out of the blue arguement a couple of nights ago - unlike us. Yesterday I rang him and apologised for my part.
Today he rang me, apologised for his part and then started umming and ahhing about the relationship saying he had been thinking lots since the fight. I asked him to be clear and honest as I didn't really understand what he was trying to say.
Eventually he said he just wasn't sure how it would work (us). I said that I don't want to be with someone who isn't sure they want to be with me. I said, if he wants to leave it I'll respect his decision. Though that's not what I want.

He was just silent (coward). And so I wished him good luck and goodbye.

OP posts:
Original poster
Soggybuiscut · 22/03/2024 22:36

This is the short version btw. It was a long call and he was either

A) being a coward but trying to break up

Or

B) trying to make me beg and grovel for the relationship as punishment for the fight

OP posts:
PossumintheHouse · 22/03/2024 22:38

If he's doing that after a three-year relationship, it doesn't matter whether it was A or B.

crumpet · 22/03/2024 22:40

agree

Guavafish1 · 22/03/2024 22:41

Sounds like lots of insecure and bad communication between you and also immaturity.

You need to stop messaging and calling.

If the relationship is so important to you both , then organise a time to meet and talk about it together.

Hattie98 · 22/03/2024 22:46

Wow, he just sounds like more and more of a wanker.

Like maybe he's now regretting the loss of the relationship, but is too cowardly to actually phone or even text you to say so and apologise. So he'll send some crappy non-committal emojis in the hope you'll take the bait and do the work of restarting the relationship again. And then it will be all on you, because you're the one who "wanted him back" and did the running.

Original poster
Soggybuiscut · 22/03/2024 22:56

@Hattie98 that's why my head is fucked. On the phone I did everything BUT beg to keep the relationship going. I kept my dignity, but told him I wanted to work things through, that on relationships people have to keep choosing eachother and it's not always easy and yadadadada.... And he was like 'mmm, I dunno'.

Then the heart text after.

Id rather he just tell me it's over. This is confusing and tormenting.

OP posts:
ILoveNigelTufnel · 22/03/2024 22:56

Ignore.
There was a brilliant thread a little while back where someone was dumped by text (I know yours was a phone call) but it said “no need to reply” so she didn’t. It was absolutely fantastic this thread and so empowering. I’ll see if I can find it but someone else might know it.

Sorry you’re going through this but he sounds like a right imbecile.

Opentooffers · 22/03/2024 22:57

Any chance he sent those hearts to the wrong person? I've had a text before obviously ment for someone else. It would explain everything. Are the signs the argument could of been engineered by him because of someone else on the horizon? I'd of sent one back saying "were they ment for me?".