Dumped, but he's text. No contact or reply?

[Soggybuiscut]

I've just been dumped over the phone about an hour ago by bf of 3 years.
He's now text me some love hearts... Mind fuck.

Do I reply, or ultimately go no contact and just ignore?

I'm obviously in turmoil and want him back, but with perspective do think I deserve better.

Maybe time to block him. Then he wont put you into turmoil, take his power away

Only really read OP posts. I think that was a good and valuable text. Civil, drew a neat line under that which he'd left deliberately messy and confusing. A bit like his life by the sounds.

Reading your updates you are so well out of this. Please don't go for this kind of man again, however much he swears he's changed.

Any practicalities to sort, belongings to return? If so id drop them round ASAP, so he has no need to contact you at all. I wouldn't be responding any further. I don't mind a row but I can't stand this piddly, whining, self pitying nonsense. Especially when most of it isn't actually saying anything, it's just emojis.

I hope counselling gives you the strength to block him. You are still giving him power by waiting on what he has to say and when, whether you reply or not. Blocking him sends a clear message of moving on. Not blocking, likewise, says you are still willing to listen to him, so will encourage him to keep texting when your weaker side is vulnerable to him doing an about turn. If he does an about turn, you'd need to apply strength to reject him. Strength that you find sooner and move on sooner by blocking and not laying yourself open to it.

It really does. I'm divorcing my husband and with the help of a therapist I feel I'm rewriting my history of our marriage. I thought all along I was weird, not at all like other people and not good enough. Turns out I'm perfectly fine, more than good enough and while I'm not like a lot of people, it's a superpower not a negative. Meanwhile my STBEH is falling apart and doing nothing with the DC.

You will have a rollercoaster of emotions but someone on here will always help you and even if you wobble, you'll get support not criticism.

But you have this.....

edited for typo

Be kinder to yourself. You've been with him a long time. You won't be over him in a minute. Especially when unexpected.

Beware:

Mr Nice - the promises, apologies, tears, gifts, invitations, heart emoji messages, 'I'll do better ...' (aka hoovering)

Do not fall for it.

Mr Nasty - the anger, threats, accusations, your fault, you're the bad guy, you're crazy ... (aka gaslighting), I'll hurt myself if you don't do what I want (aka coercive control)

Do not believe it.

Mr Sneaky - going behind your back, dragging in family and friends (aka flying monkeys), she's crazy, look what i had to put up with ...

Do not stand for it.

Go for that therapy - it sounds like you've realised you're playing out generational history repeating itself.

Be the stop sign.

You are still giving him power by waiting on what he has to say and when, whether you reply or not. Blocking him sends a clear message of moving on

This is worth highlighting

Block his number @Soggybuiscut it's the only way you can move forward without having your head battered by random texts.

https://www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/#coursevid

The online freedom programme will help you recognise Red flags in future relationships.

A year off men (all romantic contact, no dating apps etc) and using that time to work through your self esteem, attachment style and rescuer tendencies in therapy and you’ll be a new woman and ready to find the healthiest and happiest relationship of your life. This man has done you a massive favour.

Attached- I think it's by Levine - would be a useful read, @Soggybuiscut . It's all about different attachment styles and it is a classic.

He's reached out today - blocked on WhatsApp but he's responded to my Instagram story asking me about my work and saying what I'm doing looks exciting.

I feel much more centred today. Went to the gym, then went shopping and am now on the sofa watching TV. Won't reply to him, because I don't see how it benefits me to do so.

I've muted him on all social media now. He just wants a response to validate his ego.

He's so blatantly desperate for you to go begging him to come back. It's really rather pathetic.

He can't take her moving on. He wants an ego stroke

He will keep finding ways to get in touch - keep strong and re-read your list of cons if ever you are questioning whether to respond.

Self care all the way

I would block him/remove him from your social media. Clean break, rip the plaster off. You are doing so well. Keep going even when you have a wobble. Reread the cons list and this thread 💜

Block him on instagram? You are doing so well. What a prick he is.

@Soggybuiscut

Bloody well done on your quick realisation that he was definitely not a catch, your strength and resilience!!

Look after yourself and do not give another thought to your ex.

I just feel sorry that he's out there in the wild and may, in time, latch on to another lovely unsuspecting woman. Men like him should have a defective tattoo on their forehead or something!

He will probably message you by email next.

I still didn't reply, and he's actually sent ANOTHER message now... but I've not read it and don't intend to.

The only reason I've not blocked him on social media is that I don't want to give him that level of importance, I'm feeling quite indifferent now. I've made a rule to myself that I will never check up on him, watch his posts or Stories, and I've 'hidden' him from my timeline so nothing will ever pop up for me. It's been quite a relaxing thing to do tbh.

I've realised when I quit drinking last year, it's a very similar process. It's like breaking addiction and feels like it's about self-control and changing one's mindset.

Good for you OP!

You can delete the chain by swiping it over to the left without reading the message on Insta.

If his behaviour wasn’t bad enough, he’s not even respecting boundaries now. Thank god you’re free!

Bloody hell, you are doing well. I've never been as dignified during break-ups.

Brace yourself, though: he's going to show up at your house soon. To "make sure you're ok" or with some other pathetic excuse.

@PossumintheHouse thank you so much! Deep down I know im grieving but I'm thinking 'fake it till you make it' and trying to crack the fuck on with a brave face!

Bet he's panicking now. His little ploy to have you chasing his tail feathers and kissing his ass has backfired.

Well done for ignoring.
Don't feel bad if you end up scanning them. So long as you're not replying it's all good. But yeah out of sight out of mind is probably the best course of action. May even be worth changing your number.

Just be aware he may start reaching out in other ways/to people who know you. They often ramp up when they realise you're escaping. You'll might get a 'can you give me my hat back?' or a 'can we meet to talk?' or similar. Ignore ignore ignore. Post any of his stuff back to him via recorded delivery if needs be. And don't answer calls from unknown numbers.

Good For You !

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👍🏻

Fact he’s messaged multiple times already shows you’re handling it like a pro.

He will be so confused at your reaction and I’m sure the self-doubt has set in already.

Satisfying isn’t it ☺️

You’re playing it 100% right OP

He made the decision, gotta live with it - his respect for you will be higher now than it ever has been. Keep going