Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Dumped, but he's text. No contact or reply?

230 replies

Soggybuiscut · 22/03/2024 22:13

I've just been dumped over the phone about an hour ago by bf of 3 years.
He's now text me some love hearts... Mind fuck.

Do I reply, or ultimately go no contact and just ignore?

I'm obviously in turmoil and want him back, but with perspective do think I deserve better.

OP posts:
Original poster
Soggybuiscut · 22/03/2024 22:58

No the hearts were definitely for me. We use a specific colour / code of emoji.

It did cross my mind there may be someone else though hence why it's so out of the blue..

OP posts:
SilverTay · 22/03/2024 23:02

@ILoveNigelTufnel omg that was 4 years ago! How does time fly so fast!

ludicrouslycapaciousbags · 22/03/2024 23:02

Exhausting your clearly just going to text him, stay with him etc so pointless post that will just get you through the next couple of hours... YAWN

InWalksBarberalla · 22/03/2024 23:03

Men aren't always super creative- nothing stopping him using the same colours etc when texting another girl. I'd just ignore.

Tel12 · 22/03/2024 23:04

I wouldn't read anything into the emojis. He's feeling guilty and now you are confused. You don't need to reply and he's probably seeing someone else based on what you have said. Breaking up is difficult, but at least you know where you stand.

TheOGCCL · 22/03/2024 23:05

I feel like the hearts are like the emojis I put on Facebook posts when someone's cat has passed away. So sort of a sympathetic statement but not necessarily a show of actual love. I also think people - often men - can be very cowardly when called on to be the bad guy and he's trying to somehow make himself feel better. Either way it's a very immature way to go on and I would not reply. He needs to do more of the work here if things are going to get back on track, if that's even what he's thinking.

Mmhmmn · 22/03/2024 23:06

Ignore and block and move on.

LoneFemaleTraveller · 22/03/2024 23:06

What was the argument about?

charliefair · 22/03/2024 23:07

Id rather he just tell me it's over.

You tell him.

Pinkbonbon · 22/03/2024 23:07

He sounds like a drain.
Block, if that's even worthwhile.

Maybe the hearts were for someone else...
or, to make you paranoid that they are, in the hopes of goading you into a response.

It sounds like your had a lucky escape.

But if you recon it's a 'punishment' and he's actually just expecting you to run after him, kissing his arse, be aware he may try to come back/get nasty.

Keep him gone.

Mmhmmn · 22/03/2024 23:09

And he was like 'mmm, I dunno'.

If a guy wants to end it with you, let him. Why would you want to persuade someone into being with you? Someone who’s into you and right for you won’t need persuading.

ILoveNigelTufnel · 22/03/2024 23:09

SilverTay · 22/03/2024 23:02

@ILoveNigelTufnel omg that was 4 years ago! How does time fly so fast!

I know! Pre-Covid. So much has happened in those 4 years hasn’t it.

PaminaMozart · 22/03/2024 23:11

ILoveNigelTufnel · 22/03/2024 22:59

If this isn't a Classic it definitely ought to be!!

Cantabulous · 22/03/2024 23:37

I think he thinks the conversation is still open after you hung up. In your shoes i wouldn’t reply now, I would try to sleep on it and see how I feel in the morning.

MMmomDD · 22/03/2024 23:45

Ok - i don’t know how old you two are - but it does seem like you both have a lot of maturing to do.

He was not trying to break up. But he was trying to bring up something that has been on his mind related to your relationship, or circumstances, or choices about future.
Impossible to guess as no idea about your lives.

You went straight to some naive defensive stance - ‘i’ll break up with you first!’
It’a a sign of deep insecurity on your end.

Grown up relationships work when people are able to discuss what is bothering them without a fear that their partner will overreact the way you did.

Up to you what you do now. Play games and have him beg you to talk - or be normal and have an actual conversation about what is going on.

Original poster
Soggybuiscut · 22/03/2024 23:55

Thank you for sharing the thread - have been reading it. That OP is amazing!

@MMmomDD he was definitely trying to end it. I specifically kept saying I wanted to work on things and keep the relationship going. He kept going in circles around why it wouldn't work. He was not giving any indication of WANTING to stay with me.

@Cantabulous thank you. I'm very confused. I made it clear I wanted to stay with him. I'm not clear he feels the same.

@Mmhmmn your totally right. I said I want someone who wants me and I'll respect his position if hes wanting to end it. He was silent for ages and I just said I'll take that silence as confirmation.

OP posts:
PaminaMozart · 23/03/2024 00:14

At the end of the day, you don't want to be with someone who is half hearted. If he was committed to the relationship you'd know.

As hard as it is, step right back. Don't respond.

Northernsouloldies · 23/03/2024 03:51

Bet he's drunk...wait for the grovelling apologies later today.

Original poster
Soggybuiscut · 23/03/2024 04:10

@Northernsouloldies thank you. Sadly I dont think he was. I'm gutted, just woke up and I just keep rereading that thread that's been shared. I feel sick.
I didn't reply.

i keep thinking, send a heart back, show him you care. But I think sending anything back will ultimately do the the opposite of what I want. It's not going to create space for him to realise what a mistake he's made and come crawling back. It's just going to serve his ego.

OP posts:
Northernsouloldies · 23/03/2024 04:20

I'm sorry for your hurt over this rather than sending a heart back,later today could you text.. asking last night's msgs what was that all about? and hopefully you get a straight answer rather than the ending it txt or hearts or if you're up to it a face to face in a coffee shop.hope things turn out well for you whatever you decide.

Sneezingdust · 23/03/2024 04:22

You did the right thing by ignoring his text. If he really feels he has made a mistake what he needs to do is call you, apologise and make amends. A string of emojis isn’t enough and is an indicator of how half hearted he is about it all. You want a partner who is all in and passionate about you.

There’s a saying that goes something like “men are simple - if you’re confused whether a man likes you or not, he doesn’t.”

So whenever I feel confused by a man’s behaviour I just stay well clear unless and until he chooses to clear it up and make clear his feelings for me.

Don’t ever let a man get too comfortable with dropping you then picking you back up again or it will lead to a yo-yo off /on relationship.

Original poster
Soggybuiscut · 23/03/2024 04:29

@Sneezingdust oh wow thank you. This is helpful and has given me some resolve to keep my dignity intact. Your totally right.

I've been watching Matthew Hussey and he talks about the no contact rule. He says that's anything other than a genuine heartfelt proclamation of regret and saying 'I made a massive mistake, I'm sorry, can we try again?' - anything other than this is just their ego driving them to give you breadcrumbs..
I'm gonna try and go back to sleep...

OP posts:
TracyBeakerSoYeah · 23/03/2024 04:36

Erm not trying to be funny but knowing how stupid men are with emotions & all that then being put on the spot your update suggests that you actually dumped him.

Which I don't blame you as you must have been exasperated with him!

Edited as missed out a word

daisychain01 · 23/03/2024 05:22

He took exception to the fact you wished him goodbye and good luck. His massive ego was dented poor lamb.

please keep your self-esteem intact and don't let him back. After 3 years if he doesn't have the guts to end things in a more respectful way, he doesn't deserve your love. If anyone deserves the "no need to reply" response, he does!