On being called a "pricktease"

[BimbledAgain]

The background is we've been dating a couple of weeks. We've not dtd yet but are indulging in some heavy petting on the sofa. I'm not ready to have sex and call a halt to it when he begins to push for way beyond what I want. Later he calls me a prick tease for not following through to sex and tells me it's wrong that he had to go home and masturbate. We later discuss his 'pricktease' comment and he apologises.

Fast forward a few weeks and our relationship is fully sexual (and it's great - amazing in fact), but another discussion ensues where he tells me I shouldn't start any physically intimate activity if I'm not prepared to follow through to full intercourse or if I don't tell him upfront that it's not going to end in full sex, so at least he's prepared to not expect that outcome. Once again I'm called a prick tease for what happened in that original evening.

I find the comments highly disturbing. Is this really how people conduct themselves sexually. I can't imagine ever imposing such obligations on another person for something that to me should happen organically and without expectation.

End it, he doesn’t respect you

I hope you've binned this masochist. I'd be concerned he may eventually ignore your no.

I find this comment appalling. Does he also think a girl in a short skirt is "asking" to be sexually assaulted? It's very much the same kind of mindset IMO.

Run away.

Hes basically said he doesn’t think you should have the right to withdraw consent after so much as a kiss.

I would not trust a man like that not to “lose control of himself” or “get carried away” or any of the other bullshit phrases that rapists that convince themselves they are nice guys use

Huge red flag. You've been with him for only a few weeks and he's already name-calling and trying to make you feel guilty. You do not owe a man sex, ever!

Run far away from this one. He has sexually coercive written all over on him. Your (perfectly healthy) boundaries are under attack, please protect yourself.

That would be a huge red flag for me. So many connotations to that comment of entitlement/objectification/almost victim blaming-and that was just the first comment!

The follow up.conversation is chilling. Consent can be withdrawn at any time for any reason. That controlling this soon? This could get much worse, very fast.

Run, run for the hills.

🤢 What a sleaze-bag. I wouldn't be around longer than a second for any bloke who used this entitled misogynist term.

He's basically trying to remove your right to give and withdraw consent. Youre always allowed to change your mind even if you start kissing gagging for p in v.
I don't think he cares about your heart or your feelings and he sounds worrying.

In all honesty I've never understood why people would start a sexual activity of some kind, knowing that it would lead to arousal, and then suddenly decide to stop and just get up and piss off home. It seems utterly pointless - like exercising in the blazing sun, eating some salty stuff, getting realllllyyyy thirsty, then only allowing yourself 50ml of water. Like....why?

At any rate, it sounds like your sexual expectations and approaches are not compatible, so I'd call a halt here.

We later discuss his 'pricktease' comment and he apologises.

If someone makes those comments then an apology isn't going to change their views on it so it's no surprise that he still feels the exact same way a few weeks later.

He's a misogynist and clearly sexual coercive.
Discussing that with him doesn't change that.

He's shown you who he is.

Thanks for your replies. He was saying that if I could let him know up front then he would be okay with it because he wouldn't then expect sex.

@LifeExperience has it 100% right. Dump and move on.

I'm really sorry you didn't post this at two weeks in as I am sure we'd all have said ditch him then. Ditch him now. It's not acceptable. He's gearing up to justify forced sex as you got him so horny he couldn't help himself.

Run for the hills.

You know you deserve better than this misogynistic prick. Throw it back OP

Him expecting sex is a him problem. It's not up to you to fix it seeing as you're not the problem.

He's a misogynist. He's sexually coercive.

I hope you are planning on dumping him.

Any man worth being with shouldn't really need a heads up to not be an entitled twat, to be honest.

Decent men want enthusiastic consent and stop whatever it is their doing, no questions asked, if that is withdrawn. I have been married almost 20 years and have never had to have a talk with my husband before sex in case im not feeling it or change my mind

Tell him never to expect sex. Sometimes he’ll be pleasantly surprised.

Sex is never a right, it’s a gift that you share if both of you are enjoying it in that moment.

He expects sex if you kiss him?

He sounds gross.

"people"? No. Men do this. The rapey kind of men.

@Lex345 That's always been my view too. I've not experienced this before.

Dump him immediately. Jesus.

Deeply unpleasant and nasty behaviour. You don't owe anyone sex and you don't have to tolerate abuse if you don't want it. I'm also revolted by the implication that 'it's your fault he had to go home and masturbate'.

What on earth do you see in him?

I don't know how anyone can possibly want to be in a relationship where you can't touch the other person unless you're up for full sex. That's fucking ridiculous.