New partner uses foul language during sex

[Cynthia1957]

Feel a bit embarrassed sharing this but wouldn't feel comfortable speaking to friends about it.
Have a relatively new partner (6 months). All is good. But during sex he says the foulest words, especially when he climaxes. He also calls me some very disgusting names.
Is this normal? I'm not that experienced and I've never heard of it before.

What a weirdo 😂 massive ICK

I personally enjoy some dirty talk but this is swearing and I find nothing erotic about it. I guess If he insists you may just not be sexually compatible.

You're last post OP, he sounds unhinged!!!
I'd be putting a lot of distance between myself and him

Some posters are missing the point with their "but lots of women like kink! Lots of women like being verbally abused with misogynistic slurs in the bedroom. You're so vanilla" comments.

This is about respect, consent and mutually satisfying sex. Whatever type of sex people enjoy, it should be mutually consensual.

Either:

• This man genuinely doesn't understand respect and consent in the bedroom and he doesn't know that sex should be enjoyable for both people.

Or

• This man does know about respect and consent, but doesn't care about either of them because he's a misogynist and women are there to be degraded during sex and meet his wants. He is happy to ignore a woman's pleasure and consent to centre himself.

Both are huge red flags.

😂😂😂

HOW did you keep a straight face!?

@PossumintheHouse - I was so taken aback that I didn't realise how ridiculous it was at first!

Gross. My vag would close up tight and he’d be out the door right away. That’s not a turn on for me 🤢

Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, No!

You just could not, no, ever again!
🤮

What a vile little man.
Completely unreasonable and shows what he thinks of you and other women .
Yuck.

Sorry, don't want to derail the post. To answer OP - I don't care if others would accept that kind of talk as a viable 'kink', to me it just smacks of utter misogyny.

That would turn me right off OP. He's got a Madonna/whore complex and is a total misogynist if he thinks that a woman enjoying sex with him (or anyone) is by definition "a whore".
This would be a non-negotiable for me and I would end it.

It's not OK even if they are. It's not about what the woman is consenting to, it's about men thinking that it's ever OK to treat any woman like that. It's not about who she is and how she behaves, it's about who he is, how he behaves, and what his behaviour says about his attitude to all women

1000 times this. This is exactly the core issue.

This really isn’t ok, op. He absolutely should not have done this without asking. I also think people bringing up the fact that some people get off on humiliation is a red herring- if OP had asked to be called a fucking whore, that would be one thing. But him getting off on saying that to her is another thing entirely.

Nothing to with being vanilla- I’m not and I’ve had relationships where my partner has been submissive and enjoyed it. But it has to be agreed, and in particular agreed (and ideally requested) by the party who is being humiliated. There is nothing at all sexy about being in bed with a man who does this out of the blue.

I blame porn + this particular man being (at best) an arsehole.

This shorthand about being 'vanilla' is interesting. Men appear to think that strangling and anal and BDSM are INSTEAD of being actually good at sex.

Learn the basics and be good at them. Put down the porn and read The Joy of Sex.

100% agree.

When someone tells you who they are, believe them.

I really agree with this. Though lots of women on here have bought into the vanilla slur too.

Whenever I hear people say ‘vanilla’ my thought is ‘If you think it’s vanilla, you are doing it wrong’.

The best lovers I have ever had are as this poster describes. They have really mastered the basics and they really know how to use their cock, hands and mouth. They know how to read and attune to their partner’s pleasure. They know how to indulge all their senses, and that of their partner.

You don’t learn that from Pornhub.

I'm not a psychiatrist, but that sounds like some deep-seated hatred of women. Red flag!

No.

Just no.

That would be a no from me then, just as much if he baby babbled talked.

What’s he’s said to you is disgusting! I’d be so upset and too scared / put off to sleep with him again! It’s not ok!

Jeeez, that's horrible. And his nonchalant way of excusing it after you clearly objected is just grim.

Please dump.

I really have to push back against this.

You are talking like what he did is equivalent to acts of intimacy. It’s not. This is not like, say, a man nibbling on your neck, and you saying, ‘ ‘no, that tickles’.

Let’s call what this man did what it is. It’s gendered misogynistic abusive language. To use modern parlance, it’s gendered hate speech.

I find it quite disturbing that online porn and the mainstreaming of ‘kink’ have now encouraged people to see this sort of violent, contemptuous language about women as ‘just another sex thing’.

Its not. Any man who is turned on by talking to you like this is not a man you should want to be with. His attitude to women stinks.

OMDG dump this nasty little twat immediately!

@Wastedagreatusername
100% agree