New partner uses foul language during sex

[Cynthia1957]

Feel a bit embarrassed sharing this but wouldn't feel comfortable speaking to friends about it.
Have a relatively new partner (6 months). All is good. But during sex he says the foulest words, especially when he climaxes. He also calls me some very disgusting names.
Is this normal? I'm not that experienced and I've never heard of it before.

I think it's a fair point actually. Choosing to do something, whether that be engaging in certain kinks or shaving your legs, may be rooted in sexism. But it's nobody's business of you choose to do it.

I'm somebody who embraces body hair, but if another woman wants to wax neck to toe, I don't care. As long as nobody is judging me. Same applies to whatever kinks a couple mutually engage in, in their own bedroom.

You mean you don't communicate? You just dump?
For all you know he may have been in relationships where this was enjoyed by all assumed everyone did. A calm conversation could stop it.

It doesn’t matter whether or not this behaviour is ‘normal’. If you don’t like it, you shouldn’t have to accept it.

Have you asked him to stop doing it? If not, talk to him. Be direct. Dont hint, beat about the bush or apologise. Tell him straight that you don’t like it and you want him to stop doing it. His reaction will tell you who he is. If he stops doing it, great.

If he doesn’t stop he would be showing you that he doesn’t respect you and doesn’t care about your feelings. So dump him.

Snap! I actually thought of that as soon as I saw the thread title!

Hey lots of women love being called names during sex. Just because you don't doesn't mean it's not normal. Many many things are normal. Not just what you like

And there are grooming standards for men too in many cultures.

And I don’t think shaving legs is comparable to calling a woman abusive sexualised terms during sex.

I think it’s rather rude to say this poster ‘failed miserably’. Though. I see where she was going but the point of comparison doesn’t stand up to scrutiny.

He doesn't care if you like this or not, if he did he'd have discussed it first. You are a hole for him to use while he gets off on his misogynistic fetish.

Is he into extreme porn? Some men think their partners will be turned on by it. I guess some will be. It’s not for me. I can’t think of anything worse tbh 🤢

Have you made your feelings clear OP?

Good grief you are vanilla. LOTS of women enjoy being dominated and the use of that sort of language is very very commonly enjoyed.

Just the same as some women calling their men 'daddy' or 'good boy'. Although this sort of talk is not for me at all.

Men also enjoy being dominated or submissive. It's a VERY common form of kink.

I bet you don't realise how many women enjoy being spanked either. Or either party being tied up

It's about giving up all control. Try it sometime.

Was just going to say this!

lol. I can take the criticism. It's all opinions after all. But bemused though since the whole point was actually about consent. At no point did I suggest the OP should put up with it.

Oh absolutely no. Maybe for some, but I wouldn't like it. It's not very loving. Off-putting even.

I guess it would only be ok if both parties were in to it 😊

Is calling someone "vanilla" supposed to be an insult? For someone who wants to be seen as "cool" and into everything, you're very judgemental of people who don't like kink. We're not supposed to "kink shame", so why is it okay to shame someone for not being "kinky"?

Maybe she doesn't want to try it sometime? Be into what you want but don't judge other women who have no interest in being degraded during sex!

Personally i wouldn't like it, but that's me.

I presume you don't like it as you are posting here, so you need to tell him, so you can understand what his reaction is to you asking him not to do this in future.

Maybe she doesn't want to try it sometime? Be into what you want but don't judge other women who have no interest in being degraded during sex!

Its ok. I’ve no problem being called vanilla and I don’t see giving up control as a positive thing.

Even the thought of being degraded during sex makes me feel sick.

Also just to say if a partner does things that you feel ashamed to talk about, that shame is on him, not you. It’s a pretty big warning sign about a person too.

A very easy decision to make...

This is a very good point

Good grief you are vanilla. LOTS of women enjoy being dominated and the use of that sort of language is very very commonly enjoyed.
Being dominated and degraded are not the same thing.
It's quite a bold claim that lots of women enjoy being sworn at and degraded in the bedroom.

Either way, what matters is that whatever happens in the bedroom BOTH people are having fun and BOTH people are consenting to the sort of sex they're having.

This man doesn't seem to have bothered to check what the OP is on board with, which is highly problematic.

Claims that women are vanilla/prudes/kink shamers etc for wanting sex that's enjoyable to them is questionable to be honest, especially on a thread when an a woman is expressing her discomfort with not consenting to a certain type of sex.

1. LTB.
2. You should start your own thread in Relationships.

You need to tell us what he says. Some people would think 'bloody hell this feels good' is a foul thing to say, but you may be talking about being called a fucking whoring cunt, which quite obviously is a bit different.

If he has a kink for calling women names, he should communicate that that to the OP and get her permission before acting out that kink with her. His failure to do this screams contempt for her.

Under this circumstance, the communication failure is his and she is justified in "just dumping" him.

It's very weird he's doing it without asking you how you feel about it before or after. Maybe ask him why he does it, tell him you'd like him to stop and if he doesn't just stop seeing him?!

Foul language isn't a problem to me, but if any man called me 'disgusting names' the proceedings would cease and he would never have access to me again.