New partner uses foul language during sex

[Cynthia1957]

Feel a bit embarrassed sharing this but wouldn't feel comfortable speaking to friends about it.
Have a relatively new partner (6 months). All is good. But during sex he says the foulest words, especially when he climaxes. He also calls me some very disgusting names.
Is this normal? I'm not that experienced and I've never heard of it before.

I think you've misunderstood @Wastedagreatusername
This could be role play. Which women are free to choose whether they take part in or not. It isn't up to you to decide what does or doesn't turn another woman on.
Of course, this should be discussed first.

JFC! Men insulting women during sex is now reframed as a ‘kink’ rather than rank misogyny.

Yeah, it is a kink. That doesn't negate the fact that on shouldn't do it without discussion prior.

Grabbing boobs would be sexual harassment in an ordinary scenario, but some people find it a turn on in the bedroom to be taken by surprise or have some take charge.

Calling your other half a "slut" is insulting and misogynistic in an ordinary scenario, but some couples like it during climax as it adds to their fantasy of the woman loving sex.

The issue here is that op doesn't like it. Then again, we don't know exactly what was said, either. I'm just basing this off of standard "foul language" men might say.

I haven’t misunderstood anything.

Just because a woman ‘role plays’ misogyny, doesn’t mean it wasn’t misogyny. Just because a woman is turned on by misogynistic behaviour, doesn’t mean it isn’t misogyny. Women are formed and shaped by misogynistic cultures just as men are.

Just because there were women who campaigned against women having the vote, didn’t mean that those women weren’t performing and enabling misogyny.

And that point doesn’t stop being true just because it’s in the bedroom.

Things don’t become okay, they don’t stop being misogynistic just because someone gets an orgasm out of it.

Just like racism doesn’t stop being racism because someone has decided to call it ‘race play’ and enacts it for sexual kicks.

It’s not about deciding what does or doesn’t turn another woman on, it is about recognizing that cultural misogyny is informing that. None of us came out of the womb programmed to be turned on by being called ‘ a dirty slut ‘ or being turned on by being strangled or slapped in the face. Cultural misogyny has created that.

Racism creates race ‘play’, not innate desire.
Misogyny creates misogynistic ‘play’ not innate desire.

Calling your other half a "slut" is insulting and misogynistic in an ordinary scenario, but some couples like it during climax as it adds to their fantasy of the woman loving sex

Thinking women only like sex if they are sluts is pretty much a foundation stone of misogynistic thinking. If your man is good in bed, it’s not a fantasy that you are enjoying sex, you genuinely are. Men never need to be called sluts to add to a fantasy that they are enjoying sex. This is language that men created. It’s language they created to express their contempt for the women they were having sex with.

You're not OK with him getting off on calling you offensive names. And why would you be? Red flag stuff isn't it.... what if when you climaxed you shouted "you're thick as mince" or "your dick is tiny"

Doubt he'd just be going along with it. Get him told that you're none of these things. If you consider that some people really need to be shown how to treat you (or how not) to, and he's starting with this at 6 months, where does it lead? Serious respect issues.

This has probably been picked up from porn and it just shows how he feels about women. To him they’re objects to use for his sexual gratification and to degrade for his pleasure.

it would be a major turn off for me and I wouldn’t feel respected sleeping with someone who treated me like this.

😂😂😂I'd laugh my arse off if somebody felt the compulsion to shout 'you're thick as mince' out to me at the end of sex. And them dump them, obviously. But laugh heartily first.

Men never need to be called sluts to add to a fantasy that they are enjoying sex.

Meh, some men like it. And there's a whole kink around being shamed for having a small willy.

Alternatively next time he does it you could start talking about his mum. Or just tell him that you'll do that if it happens again and he might think better of it - could derail his abilities forever 😂

There's a kink where men like to be shamed for their small willies!?

Well, that's my lesson for the day. 😂

He sounds rank AF

Same here. I wouldn't give someone a second chance if he was calling me disgusting names.

No it isn’t normal.
And being asked if he can swear and call you names isn’t okay either. What self respecting woman is going to answer ‘Yeah go ahead and call me a whore’. Any man who speaks like this does not respect women and does not respect you, The reason he’s single is because all the women before you walked away from him!

😆Apparently it's tame/common enough to be featured in the Metro!

https://metro.co.uk/2018/01/10/what-is-small-penis-humiliation-a-beginners-guide-to-sph-fetish-7203554/

Sorry OP for derailing your thread. Maybe you could assume your guy is into kinks he's never mentioned before as well, and give him a taste of his own medicine with this one?!

He'd probably break up with you if you did...

Not normal. He's been watching too much misogynist porn. Grim

Bloody hell. I just... Oh my. 😶

I just love this. 😂😂

<misses point>

Although I'm mostly inclined to agree with wastedagreatusername.

Shaving my legs comes from a beauty standard laid on women but not on men, showing you its misogynist origins. I know this and do it anyway because I haven't grown up in a cultural vacuum and it makes me feel better to do it even though I know it shouldn't matter. I do lots of things like this even though I very much class myself as a feminist. I don't judge myself, or others, for small acts like this because culture is powerful - it's designed to keep societies surviving and functioning.

However, I recognise the roots of these behaviours and calling women abusive names during sex definitely has misogynistic origins. Now if both parties like it and have agreed to it it's arguably no different to the keg shaving example above. However, just as I wouldn't expect anyone to shave my legs for me without my explicit consent, I wouldn't expect any sexual partner to call me those names without my consent.

A man who does this without consent is either incredibly thoughtless, watches too much porn or is an actual misogynist. None of which is particularly appealing.

Have you told him you don't like it?

My partner does this and I enjoy it. However he discussed it with me first! And we agreed to try it and if I didn't like it he wouldn't do it again. That's how it should be. TBH if he had just done it without discussion I doubt I would be with him now. First this then what? Lack of respect and maturity. It's like only his likes count. Doesn't sound great OP.

I'm not up for swearing during sex, and mostly found they haven't. I have met the odd one though and told them it wasn't my thing, but then found that they had a tendency to want to talk generally throughout- complements, liking this and that about my body at the time etc. I found it really off putting, I found wracking my brain for something to say in reply, rather than being in the moment really distracting. The only chat I like is based on suggestions of what to do, feedback on what's good - useful to the moment you could say. That's just how I roll, I don't need complements, only say something useful lol.

Now if both parties like it and have agreed to it it's arguably no different to the keg shaving example above

I think you are trying to make a point and have failed miserably.
If a woman called herself those names, you might have had a point.
The OP doesn’t.

I like the swearing. I swear myself when something feels good, hurts, frustrates me etc. but he'd call me names once and once only.

Had a boyfriend once when I was about 18. When I slept with him the first and only time he said 'your my bitch and I'm your dog'. I have never got up quicker then I did that day.

You need to just be open and speak to him about it.

The fact that you’ve not said anything whilst he’s been saying it, may mean he assumes you like it.

I definitely say things in the bedroom that I wouldn’t say at any other time and my language is much less appropriate but I would never be disrespectful and if the guy said he didn’t like it then I would stop.

Why have you not mentioned it?
It sounds like it’s been going on for a while.

This would turn me right off. I'm a widow now but DH used to say things like "you're fucking gorgeous" - things that made me feel desirable and worshipped. Anyone insulting me would be out of my bed before he'd taken breath.