New partner uses foul language during sex

[Cynthia1957]

Feel a bit embarrassed sharing this but wouldn't feel comfortable speaking to friends about it.
Have a relatively new partner (6 months). All is good. But during sex he says the foulest words, especially when he climaxes. He also calls me some very disgusting names.
Is this normal? I'm not that experienced and I've never heard of it before.

@Wastedagreatusername I don't actually know where you're going with this, men who abuse women don't care about consent - so there's no consent. I don't support that, obviously. Grown ups who consent and participate enthusiastically can have sex however they like. I'm not particularly interested in debating what adults are and aren't allowed to say to each other.

Here, there is no consent. And also shouting as well, from out of nowhere.

He is literally telling you what he thinks of you and of women. I'm all for let kinks be kinks for those who consent but this is so blatantly just a pornsick man who gets off on his hatred of women I would put him straight in the bin. They are 10 a penny. No man who actually likes and respects women would get his rocks off like this.

Have to say, I suspect I'd feel under attack too.

He's picked this up from porn.
He sees sex as something for him only, not shared. You're just a receptacle, for his spunk and his misogyny.
He was dismissive when you raised it.
It does not occur to him that you - any woman, really - would have the least objection to being called a whore.

I don't think I could be in the same room as him let alone the same bed.

I would hate that. I've become some-what inured to swearing in modern life (and partake myself on the internet, although not in actual speech), but I wouldn't want to have sex with someone who called me nasty names during sex, or who just in general let out more than the occasional expletive during TBH - it would jog me out of my happy place.

You think it’s not abuse if someone has agreed to be called ‘ a fucking dirty whore’. I regard that as still abusing the woman. It’s abusive language.

You are still advocating giving him one more chance.

Your boundaries have been seriously eroded. It’s easy to see where this has come from.

You are example of the harms that are caused by ‘consenting’ to being abused during sex. You boundaries have been eroded so that you can no longer see the massive walking red flag this man is. Others can see it. But you think he’s due another chance. That says it all really.

What he said to you and the way he said it was fucking awful. I think this man is telling you who he is, and you should pay attention.

Many women enjoy that kind of thing but it is imperative to have a conversation first to see you both are in the same page.

It's just something I do?

Not if you want to keep your teeth you don't!
Kick him out and tell him to do one, no man gets to disrespect me especially during sex.

hed be out the door after that. I think shows his subconscious view of women.
Bin him.

He shouted in your face !! All of it is awful but he sounds unhinged

Oh my god, I couldn't cope with that. I associate talk like that with the most disgusting misogynists and rapists.

My fanny would quite simply clamp shut indefinitely.

I'd hate him saying that. But even if he promised to stop saying it, I would still dump him as it says it all about what he thinks about women.

1. The prostituted woman only "consents" to being called slut etc because she needs the money. If she wasn't getting paid, she'd say no. It's not truely consent because it's given under financial duress.
2. The feminist objection is to men treating women with contempt full-stop. Her "consent" doesn't negate him being a misogynist pig.

Bin

He is watching too much porn.

Really concerned to see the number of posts saying 'tell him you don't like it and if he does it again dump him'. I would tell him I didn't like it and never give him the chance to do it again. Women don't have to offer second chances to men who inflict misogynistic abuse on them.

Saying 'it's a kink' doesn't make it ok. Saying its widespread doesn't make it acceptable. If a man hurts or upsets you during sex, you are under no obligation to let him do it again.

OMG thats awful. And he said its 'just something I do.'

Bloody hell. get rid of him OP. Whatever his good qualities are, surely can't be good enough to put up with that.

Jesus, what would happen if you kick him in the balls when you're about to climax and then follow it up with 'it's just something I do.'

What a twat. Honestly, get rid of him. He has shown you his views on women.
Its early days, there will be much more coming out about how he views you, women in general, trust me.
Kick him out now before he gets a chance to suggest peeing on you, spitting on you or groping you suddenly in public.

Yes reminds me of sex and the city

Does he visit prositutes

@VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia I'm not taking about prostitutes!? Sex workers aren't generally enthusiastic about the sex they're participating in - period. Any sex act with someone being paid is dubious.

Again, this isn't about anyone's personal thoughts about acceptable'kinks' whether that he anal, blowjobs, bondage, whatever.

OP doesn't like it. Doesn't look like any of us would either, it's beyond calling her 'my dirty slut' or whatever: it's clearly not ok to shout at someone with language like that if they're not an enthusiastic participant. It's not ok to any sex act with someone who doesn't want to.

I was chipping into a conversation about whether a woman agreeing to a behaviour makes it OK. One of the posters in that conversation had mentioned how prostituted women "agree" to verbal abuse and how that verbal abuse is reflective of how the man thinks of women regardless of whether she agrees to it or not. I made the point that those women can't really even be seen to be agreeing to it because "her poverty, but not her will, consents".

it's clearly not ok to shout at someone with language like that if they're not an enthusiastic participant.

It's not OK even if they are. It's not about what the woman is consenting to, it's about men thinking that it's ever OK to treat any woman like that. It's not about who she is and how she behaves, it's about who he is, how he behaves, and what his behaviour says about his attitude to all women.

And to think I binned someone for merely saying in bed 'I'm riding you like a little pony'.

👆🏽👆🏽👆🏽👆🏽

This is absolutely abhorrent.

Not normal and not okay.

He is showing you here what utter contempt he has for women. He probably does have a porn addiction.

No matter how nice or considerate or respectful he may act, saying these things, in the most vulnerable and exposing scenario (sex) shows you who he really is.

BIN PLEASE BIN HIM. AND TELL HIM WHY.

No, don't tell him why! His early self-labelling as a misogynist prick is useful to the next woman he dates. If you tell him why, he'll just learn to conceal his misogyny better.

He probably does OP.

I wouldn't even have a conversation about all of this. He'd probably lie.

Vile.