New partner uses foul language during sex

[Cynthia1957]

Feel a bit embarrassed sharing this but wouldn't feel comfortable speaking to friends about it.
Have a relatively new partner (6 months). All is good. But during sex he says the foulest words, especially when he climaxes. He also calls me some very disgusting names.
Is this normal? I'm not that experienced and I've never heard of it before.

No it is not fucking normal at all!

I don't even understand how this guy got a second round in bed after that nonsense.

This post is a good example of why I think the whole kink thing is a load of old bollocks, and actually quite pernicious.

Expecting respect is vanilla. Yeah right.

( PPs gave much more articulate and comprehension d reposts to this nonsense post than me).

Withdraw privileges and when he asks why, tell him you don't like the language.

If he gets humpy bin him. He is using you for his own pleasure. Any attempt to explain, persuade etc means he needs to find someone who's into that.

He'll more likely promise not to do it again, in which case he's saying he can control it. Up to you if you reinstate, but if you're not enjoying sex, then he can fuck off. If he EVER does it again see above.

What have you told him?

I had a FWB like this, one of his many red flags. He was a total pig actually and always trying to push boundaries with stuff I'd clearly said I wouldn't do. When I did pull him up on the name calling/pestering he sulked for ages. So, we don't see each other anymore.

Fair enough if you're both into it but you're clearly not. I don't think this stuff should just come out of nowhere either. I also think this kind of behaviour often reveals a lot about how a man regards women in general and I find it a big turn off for this reason.

No it’s not normal. Never had it done to me and he would be told to immediately get the heck out of both any orifices and the door.

Surely the first time he did it you told him it wasn't your thing, and the second time he did it you dump him?

This just sparked a conversation with my partner about we say during sex. He's silent, I tend to be very vocal and do swear quite a lot

I asked what I could say would be disturbing for him.... He replied calling him Daddy or asking is it in yet🤣

Depending on my mood I don't mind a little name calling, but I would feel comfortable to telling him something had crossed the line from hot to not.

Surely that's a conversation you should be able to have if he's bonking you?

Also reminded of SATC.

Anyway, he’s a weirdo. Bin.

Reminds me of Sex and The City. I wouldn’t like it.

it's not UNUSUAL but certainly NOT NORMAL.
and if that's how he feels at that moment it will come out at other times as well.
set your bar higher and expect respect at all times, don't stoop to this level as it will only go downhill from there.
first in the bedroom then while out drinking and then more and more often as it will have become acceptable.

The one who has lacked communication skills is him

The man has forced behaviour onto the OP without discussion, and has clearly given no regard whatsoever to whether she is comfortable with it, enjoying it or whether her needs are being met.

Women are not there as emotional support human beings to provide 100% of the communicational needs (and other needs) of the relationship. If he doesn't even attempt to communicate with her, about his behaviour, in a timely and appropriate way (e.g. before engaging in it) then she would be well within her rights to walk away without having to attempt to "fix" his inappropriate behaviour first.

For all you know he may have been in relationships where this was enjoyed by all assumed everyone did.

That would be a massive red flag anyway. To assume that all women would like the same behaviour and that then that means you can do whatever you want to a new partner because you have done it to previous ones is so so so so far off okay behaviour sexually that if this was the case this would make it even more appropriate to just walk away without communication. Did you actually think through the potential outcomes of this behaviour before justifying it!

Did OP leave the room🤔

I agree that the whole kink thing is just a load of bollocks. They'd be better off getting some serious therapy. Much of this nonsense is just an excuse for abuse.

I was thinking the same

It is abuse.
Calljng it by any other word is making excuses and condoning it.

I agree that the whole kink thing is just a load of bollocks. They'd be better off getting some serious therapy. Much of this nonsense is just an excuse for abuse.

No, come on. People on this site are so judgemental, this isn't even a fringe link (again, depending on the precise wording).

Unless you're kink is affecting others (other not consenting), dangerous, or you have developed a serious complex about your penis size - you're fine.

It’s not about whether it is ‘normal”, it is very much more about whether it is something you are comfortable with.

I really want to know what he says. Please tell us 🤣.

I can see how that would be a turn off though. Awkward to bring it up with him, but you might have to :/.

Ewwww no.

The fact he's dragged you into his personal kink is grim and selfish.

Personally, I don't mind a bit of kink but it's always something that needs talking about beforehand and should never be done in the moment and without consent. Gross.

The ones who declare the finale are worse....

That you "vanilla-shame" in a conversation about boundaries and respect tells me never to invite you to play with me.

I think there's a debate to be had about the appropriateness of calling women "whores", even in kink settings, and whether the kind of man who uses that word is even a suitable or safe play partner, given that men pay to rape prostituted women. Surrendering power temporarily doesn't mean consenting to inherently contemptous language.

@chloejohnston Sorry you’re struggling with similar. Before the comments proceed, you should ask mumsnet for your comment to be deleted so you can start a new thread, still in the Relationships board but crucially start a new account with a fake name ie. Kermitthefrog or whatever - you don’t want your real identity on here if that is your real name as it’s totally visible online xx

😂 😂

So some use of the F word I quite like and I often use this to DH. Some years ago I dumped a then BF when he thought it was okay to call me a bitch and an Fin Whore during sex. There is a line between doing something which is guttural and earthy and something which feels abusive and raises questions about your partners attitude to women.

You don't like it, whether normal or not. If after being told you don't, your man continues, then end the relationship.