Page 5 | New partner uses foul language during sex

Cynthia1957 · 2024-03-21T14:44:27+00:00

Feel a bit embarrassed sharing this but wouldn't feel comfortable speaking to friends about it. Have a relatively new partner (6 months). All is good. But during sex he says the foulest words, especially when he climaxes. He also calls me some very disgusting names. Is this normal? I'm not that experienced and I've never heard of it before.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 21/03/2024 22:17

PossumintheHouse · 21/03/2024 14:48

This reminds me of that Sex and the City episode with Charlotte and the swearer. "You fucking whore! You fucking cunt!"

Can you tell us what he says!?

Edited

Came here to say that !

Original poster

Cynthia1957 · 22/03/2024 07:30

PossumintheHouse · 21/03/2024 14:48

This reminds me of that Sex and the City episode with Charlotte and the swearer. "You fucking whore! You fucking cunt!"

Can you tell us what he says!?

Edited

Thank you so much for this answer. It really jumped out at me. I've never seen Sex and the City, but that's exactly what he said - not the c word, the other one. Maybe he saw it?

OP posts:

Original poster

Cynthia1957 · 22/03/2024 07:40

MiltonNorthern · 21/03/2024 14:45

It's something that some people do and enjoy as part of a kink but should NEVER be done without prior consent. Has he ever discussed this link with you? It's very poor boundary respect to introduce anything 'unusual' without prior discussion. Have you asked him what he thinks he's doing?

The first time I didn't say anything, as I was a bit shocked, and he didn't say it very loud.
The next time I was making some involuntary noises - gasps, moans (I was also doing this the first time), and I thought he called me 'a fucking whore' because I was making these noises.
I asked him, 'what did you just call me?' and he said, 'It's just something I do' as if it was no big deal.
But he shouted it quite loud into my face. I was worried the neighbour might have heard!

OP posts:

Wastedagreatusername · 22/03/2024 07:59

MrsFionaCharnimg · 21/03/2024 20:29

I agree that the whole kink thing is just a load of bollocks. They'd be better off getting some serious therapy. Much of this nonsense is just an excuse for abuse.

No, come on. People on this site are so judgemental, this isn't even a fringe link (again, depending on the precise wording).

Unless you're kink is affecting others (other not consenting), dangerous, or you have developed a serious complex about your penis size - you're fine.

It does affect others. It affects all women if there is acceptance of them calling women ‘sluts’ and ‘whores’ in intimate moments. It’s a ridiculous level of naivety to think this does not reflect and reinforce that man’s view of women. Of all women.

TheSandgroper · 22/03/2024 08:03

Sex is supposed to be “oooh” not “eeww”.

If he doesn’t care that you go “eeww”, well …

Original poster

Cynthia1957 · 22/03/2024 08:04

boonr · 21/03/2024 20:40

I really want to know what he says. Please tell us 🤣.

I can see how that would be a turn off though. Awkward to bring it up with him, but you might have to :/.

As he was building up to climaxing he said, 'You slut' and 'You cheap fucking slut'.
When he orgasmed he shouted in my face, 'You fucking whore'.

OP posts:

ohdamnitjanet · 22/03/2024 08:06

Wastedagreatusername · 21/03/2024 16:03

I haven’t misunderstood anything.

Just because a woman ‘role plays’ misogyny, doesn’t mean it wasn’t misogyny. Just because a woman is turned on by misogynistic behaviour, doesn’t mean it isn’t misogyny. Women are formed and shaped by misogynistic cultures just as men are.

Just because there were women who campaigned against women having the vote, didn’t mean that those women weren’t performing and enabling misogyny.

And that point doesn’t stop being true just because it’s in the bedroom.

Things don’t become okay, they don’t stop being misogynistic just because someone gets an orgasm out of it.

Just like racism doesn’t stop being racism because someone has decided to call it ‘race play’ and enacts it for sexual kicks.

It’s not about deciding what does or doesn’t turn another woman on, it is about recognizing that cultural misogyny is informing that. None of us came out of the womb programmed to be turned on by being called ‘ a dirty slut ‘ or being turned on by being strangled or slapped in the face. Cultural misogyny has created that.

Racism creates race ‘play’, not innate desire.
Misogyny creates misogynistic ‘play’ not innate desire.

Edited

Show quote history

Perfect, says it all.

Wastedagreatusername · 22/03/2024 08:06

LlynTegid · 21/03/2024 22:05

You don't like it, whether normal or not. If after being told you don't, your man continues, then end the relationship.

End it anyway.

He is turned on by showing you his absolute contempt for you whilst he has sex with you.

If you ask him to stop saying that, you are asking him to hide his contempt for you. But it will still be there.

Find a man who hasn’t allowed porn to programme him to hate you whilst he has sex with you.

perfectcolourfound · 22/03/2024 08:08

I didn't like him after your first post. After the follow-ups I'm disgusted by him. I don't know where to start. His mysogny is shocking. Utterly disgusting. And the plain fact he's hurling insults at you while you're at your most vulnerable..... has he no respect at all for you??????

It would be an absolute turn-off for me.

If you think he's great in every other way, then talk to him. Tell him his foul language and insults are unattractive, putting you off having sex again with him, offensive to you and women generally. See how he reacts. If he's appalled at himself, apologises, promises not to do it again - and keeps his promise, you're all good.

But if he defends it, tells you you're wrong to be offended, says he can't help it, makes promises but doesn't keep him - you know where you stand. Leave.

I fear his misogny and lack od respect will go beyond in the bedroom though. Be aware.

gannett · 22/03/2024 08:12

Cynthia1957 · 22/03/2024 07:40

The first time I didn't say anything, as I was a bit shocked, and he didn't say it very loud.
The next time I was making some involuntary noises - gasps, moans (I was also doing this the first time), and I thought he called me 'a fucking whore' because I was making these noises.
I asked him, 'what did you just call me?' and he said, 'It's just something I do' as if it was no big deal.
But he shouted it quite loud into my face. I was worried the neighbour might have heard!

Show quote history

Completely gross of him to do it without warning and then to dismiss your dislike of it.

That kind of stuff has its place in some bedrooms where both parties get off on it, and that should be agreed in advance, not sprung on someone. Because a lot of people, like you, would absolutely not get off on it.

bluedelphinium · 22/03/2024 08:13

That's disgusting and really not ok of him to dismiss it when asked.

Deadringer · 22/03/2024 08:17

I was going to suggest talking to him about it but after reading your latest post i have changed my mind. Any man who called me a slut or a whore during sex would be fucking dead.

MrsSkylerWhite · 22/03/2024 08:18

in my experience, not normal. Even if it were, if you don’t want it, it has to stop.

EternalSunshine14 · 22/03/2024 08:21

Think of all the poor women who have had to put up with that from him. Shouted and sworn at in the face during sex? To the point where you are worried about the neighbours? Who does he think he is? When you dump him, he’ll be on to the next and she will have to put up with it. Gross.

MrsFionaCharnimg · 22/03/2024 08:22

It does affect others. It affects all women if there is acceptance of them calling women ‘sluts’ and ‘whores’ in intimate moments. It’s a ridiculous level of naivety to think this does not reflect and reinforce that man’s view of women. Of all women.

Yeah, no, sorry. Good luck policing other people's consensual sex lives that doesn't harm anyone else. That's quite ridiculous.

OP, I really wouldn't like that, so YANBU. That doesn't sound remotely sexy for you, and I'd be shocked, too. Fucking hell. If that was me, I'd have a conversation and one more strike and he's out.

Wastedagreatusername · 22/03/2024 08:22

To all those saying, ‘it’s ok if he asked’. I have read posts on Punternet when men ask prostituted women if they can insult them during sex. And the woman agrees. Those men are also clear in their posts about the absolute hatred they had for those women. Getting permission to abuse you does not change the fact they want to speak to you like that because that is how they feel about women.

Wastedagreatusername · 22/03/2024 08:27

MrsFionaCharnimg · 22/03/2024 08:22

It does affect others. It affects all women if there is acceptance of them calling women ‘sluts’ and ‘whores’ in intimate moments. It’s a ridiculous level of naivety to think this does not reflect and reinforce that man’s view of women. Of all women.

Yeah, no, sorry. Good luck policing other people's consensual sex lives that doesn't harm anyone else. That's quite ridiculous.

OP, I really wouldn't like that, so YANBU. That doesn't sound remotely sexy for you, and I'd be shocked, too. Fucking hell. If that was me, I'd have a conversation and one more strike and he's out.

Your comment that you would give this man one more strike rather proves my point about the naivety of those who ‘consent’ to be abused. You are naive about what men who want to abuse women during sex really think about women.

There’s plenty on this thread who can see this behaviour as the massive red flag it is and realise that no further chances should be given.

The fact that you can’t see this, proves my point.

grapeomelette · 22/03/2024 08:32

Dear God. As a PP said, he'd have been an ex after the first time.

HagBitch · 22/03/2024 08:33

Yeah, he'd be gone.

BoobyDazzler · 22/03/2024 08:36

Well, I’m normally up for anything goes during sex and the language itself probably wouldn’t even register, but having someone shout it in my face would be a complete no. What a turn off 🤮

Put him in the bin. Sex is supposed to be loving and fun!!

Tooomanynames · 22/03/2024 08:37

Cynthia1957 · 22/03/2024 08:04

As he was building up to climaxing he said, 'You slut' and 'You cheap fucking slut'.
When he orgasmed he shouted in my face, 'You fucking whore'.

Show quote history

This would definitely put me off…. swearing is fine in the realms of ‘oh fuck that’s good’ but calling you a fucking whore or a cheap slut is just nasty 🤢 he’s probably got a porn problem

Panpastels · 22/03/2024 08:44

perfectcolourfound · 22/03/2024 08:08

I didn't like him after your first post. After the follow-ups I'm disgusted by him. I don't know where to start. His mysogny is shocking. Utterly disgusting. And the plain fact he's hurling insults at you while you're at your most vulnerable..... has he no respect at all for you??????

It would be an absolute turn-off for me.

If you think he's great in every other way, then talk to him. Tell him his foul language and insults are unattractive, putting you off having sex again with him, offensive to you and women generally. See how he reacts. If he's appalled at himself, apologises, promises not to do it again - and keeps his promise, you're all good.

But if he defends it, tells you you're wrong to be offended, says he can't help it, makes promises but doesn't keep him - you know where you stand. Leave.

I fear his misogny and lack od respect will go beyond in the bedroom though. Be aware.

All of this!

Avatartar · 22/03/2024 08:45

OMG if someone did that to me I’d probably have an instant violent reaction in response -I’d feel under attack not loved - he deserves to be single his whole life, how could you love that!

WeeOrcadian · 22/03/2024 08:47

Cynthia1957 · 22/03/2024 08:04

As he was building up to climaxing he said, 'You slut' and 'You cheap fucking slut'.
When he orgasmed he shouted in my face, 'You fucking whore'.

Show quote history

Absolutely. Fucking. Not.

He's shown you who he is

Show him the door

Singleandproud · 22/03/2024 08:52

@woahboy No I wouldn't bother communicating with a new partner about this. I don't think using degrading language towards women is ever acceptable regardless / especially if it's his kink and he gets off on it. I would put money on men who use that language during sex to also used it during an argument.

The start of a relationship is when you get to be the most picky, maintaining high standards and as my name suggests I do just that.

The relationships board is full of women who have had children with men who are disrespectful and see women as less important than them. Thy should have been gotten rid of during the initial filtering process.