Car in his name? Am I doing right thing - possibly dv

[Feelingalone35]

Hi I’ll try and keep it short
We are buying a used car which is 16k
He hasn’t been good with money ( no savings ) and is putting 5k in his parents gave. I’m paying the rest from my savings I had before meeting him , it will clear my savings . He wants the car in his name as said it’s cheaper I’m wondering if I can be the keeper and he be the main driver ( to get the cheaper insurance he wants) I’m just having doubts about this , I’ve agreed to put it all in his name but the last week he’s been horrible to me calling me a c*nt etc it’s a regular occurrence of being mean then the next day it’s like nothing happened it’s been going on years .
my main question is about the car as we are purchasing it this week and I’m scared I’ll lose all my savings and have no legal say on the car. So what should I do ? If he agrees , I can be the legal keeper and him the main driver would that be ok and give me more security in the future ? Thank you

This absolutely 💯

I’m fine thank you , we got the car I went down as the owner and on receipt , he is main driver. He wasn’t overly happy when I said I want to be owner as it’s my money and after sulking for a while he accepted it. We are getting on abit better now and he’s being ok with me so I’ll see how things go thank you everyone for advice on this.

That gift you're ok @Feelingalone35. I was beginning to wonder if he'd killed you.

Oh dear.

We are getting on abit better now and he’s being ok with me so I’ll see how things go.

And what will you do when it all falls apart, now? 'He's being ok/we are getting on a bit better' is such a sad, sad thing to settle for. I wish you had listened to all the women who told you not to do that. You've just handed all your escape money over to him.

Oh OP - you’ve just lost your safety net and are now trapped without any savings living with an abusive pig who calls you a c*nt.

I really hope this isn’t a huge mistake on your part but I fear you’ve allowed him to manipulate you into staying in his prison cell he’s created for you.

We are getting on abit better now and he’s being ok with me so I’ll see how things go

• *This is the calm before the storm lovely. Stay alert and please create an emergency exit plan for the future. Good luck.

At least you are the owner. If you need to you can sell it and will get some money back. Or you can use it to pack up your stuff and drive away in.
He won't change OP, and I hope you get away eventually. For now, I'm wishing you all the best.

I am horrified to read your update OP. You've said things including (my comments are in brackets) -

1. He calls you a cunt etc. (completely and utterly unacceptable)
2. It’s a regular occurrence of being mean then the next day it’s like nothing happened (crazy making narc behaviour)
3. It’s been going on years. (Your kids are learning this is what life is like, men abuse, women are abused).
4. You tried to leave him years ago but he threatened suicide (classic narc behaviour by the way, the solution is to call emergency support, you are not equipped to deal with this whether it's genuine or not [it isn't])
5. You don’t work as he works full time doesn’t want you working (this is about control)
6. Moved away from your hometown a few years ago (narcs love to isolate their victims)
7. As he pays for everything he gives you £20 a month that’s all (This is severe financial abuse)
8. Police visit a couple of years ago as a neighbour called them reporting screaming you think it was when he was physically grabbing you etc then he went to work and it was hours later the police turned up but you lied to them saying it was just a argument (you have been assaulted but you protected your attacker. Think about that. It doesn't make sense. If you have a daughter do you want this to happen to her?)
9. You had a car but after a couple of years he convinced you to sell it (do you see how he has isolated you from any sort of support or independence?)
10. He works full time and tries to help people when out ... it’s like he is nice to everyone else apart from you (Do you realise he isn't going to change? This is your life, for the rest of your life, unless you change something. He is going to abuse you for the rest of your life!! It's horrific.)

Do you have any idea how bad this abuse you're suffering is? It's happened over time so you may not realise, but it is really really bad. I mentioned a book previously in this thread which I think might help you understand what's going on, here's a link:
https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf

This man is utterly disgusting and he is ruining your life. He will ruin your children's lives too. Please don't let that happen, contact Women's Aid and please keep posting here for support.