Car in his name? Am I doing right thing - possibly dv

[Feelingalone35]

Hi I’ll try and keep it short
We are buying a used car which is 16k
He hasn’t been good with money ( no savings ) and is putting 5k in his parents gave. I’m paying the rest from my savings I had before meeting him , it will clear my savings . He wants the car in his name as said it’s cheaper I’m wondering if I can be the keeper and he be the main driver ( to get the cheaper insurance he wants) I’m just having doubts about this , I’ve agreed to put it all in his name but the last week he’s been horrible to me calling me a c*nt etc it’s a regular occurrence of being mean then the next day it’s like nothing happened it’s been going on years .
my main question is about the car as we are purchasing it this week and I’m scared I’ll lose all my savings and have no legal say on the car. So what should I do ? If he agrees , I can be the legal keeper and him the main driver would that be ok and give me more security in the future ? Thank you

You absolutely can pull out. You are not legally bound to anything. But I see you are going to do it any way. You are going to give away your escape route. For a car.
We just bought a 2017 Vauxhall estate car, low mileage, for 3k.

Why are you wiping out all your savings for a man that calls you a cunt and is mean to you? Keep the savings, lose the man. He sounds absolutely awful. Do not allow yourself to be put in a position where you have zero savings!

I have learned from Mumsnet threads that Housing Associations/Councils will prioritise the tenant with the children YOU and remove partners from the tenancy in circumstances like this. Unless your family are genuinely awful, you'd be better off near some family support though. Please talk to or email Women's Aid l, ditto the Housing Associations. Coercive control, financial abuse and emotional abuse are all forms of Domestic Abuse. There is help out there.

All these people are desperate for you not to wipe out your savings but you're not listening. If you can't tell him no to buying the car how do you think you are going to be able to get it away from him at a later date when he ramps up the abuse as he knows you have no longer have a safety net. Please please be brave and stop the car purchase.

I can’t back out of buying this car honestly it would be awful.

What do you think he would do @Feelingalone35? Has he ever been violent to you or your DC?

Please do speak to the National Domestic Abuse Helpline. What he's doing is far from right. He's abusing you.

You could use that £11k to put a deposit in a place with better transport links and away from him.

He knows this that's why he's taking it from you.

And as others have said, even without the Domestic Abuse, nobody wise in a rented property with only one of you working would spend anything like £16,000 on a car, especially as it would leave you without any savings.

What you're giving away here is an escape route for you and your DC. If you think you can't get away for yourself (and you definitely do deserve better) then you should get leave for your DC.

Exactly this! registered keeper and v5 is not proof of ownership

you need a car- not a 16k car. you can pick up a decent used car for less than 5k. don't use your savings.

“I can’t back out of buying this car honestly it would be awful.”

You as a human being are allowed to change your mind about things that don’t suit you at any time. You just have to give yourself permission to meet your own needs.

Is some short term awkwardness and possible anger on his part really worse than going along with this and losing your savings and being trapped? How awful would it be really? Awkward and he sounds like he might be angry. If you tell him you’re not spending your savings on a car that he wants and he gets angry, that’s just an opportunity to tell him to get to fuck OP. Obviously if you’re worried about or there’s a history of physical abuse, you have to tread carefully but that doesn’t mean letting him ruin your life. He sounds like plenty of other men who are just weak and insecure and looking to make sure their partner can’t get away. If you see that, it can help you make choices that suit you, show him he’s not ‘got you’. It’s quite freeing.

Were you low/ no contact with your family before you met him?

You also say that one of your DC has emotional needs. Are you claiming DLA and Carers Allowance?

Pull out now use the money to leave him.

He gets angry and unreasonable you dial 999.

Tell you are not prepared to spend all your savings on a car that is way above the spec needed.

He is stitching you up and you are letting him do it.

Of course he will go mad and be angry, that proves why you need to end the relationship.

If kicks off call the police and have him removed.

If you have somewhere to go with the kids,
take them and your £11k with you. You will find a job. Use an agency, do temo work, anything. You’ll qualify for UC, which means you’ll get 85% of your childcare costs covered.

If he threatens suicide again, call his bluff.

Tell him you are to be owner and registered keeper.

Do you drive @Feelingalone35? Basically if you split at a later date he could keep the car (that has taken up all your savings) and you'll have NOTHING.

If you can't stand up to him for your self, at least do it for your children. Using all your savings leaves you vulnerable.

Of course you can change things such as ownership/ keeper and even which car despite it all being set up. Why not buy something equally between you therefore keeping some of your savings as a safety net?

No forget about the paperwork, car paperwork isn't going to help you escape this abusive monster. I also think the chances that this paperwork is done to protect your interests is between remote and zero.

You CAN and you MUST pull out of this purchase. I am so sad that your best chance of saving yourself and your children is about to slip away. Please please summon up the courage to stand up for yourself on this.

The housing association will have support in place for those experiencing domestic abuse. In fact see if anything mentioned in tenancy or on their website.

DO NOT buy this car.

The main thing is the house is in both names it’s housing association but he pays all the rent etc and would claim he has no where else to go

You have options. He's made you think that you don't but he's made you believe this because it's useful to him to have you believe it.

You can speak to Women's Aid.

You can speak to your HA.

You can report the abuse to the Police.

You can have a Non-Molestation Order and more importantly call the Police each and every time he breaches it.

oh for goodness sake - you are going to clear out YOUR savings when you don't work and will never have a financial way of leaving him

IF you do pay £11.000 on the car make sure it is yours ! his £5000 is not even half of the price of the car

best suggestion - he buys one car for £5000
and you buy one car for £11000 if you really want to throw away every penny you have.

he won't kill himself, but the idea of it made you have another child with him

go get yourself an evening job in a supermarket, get yourself a rental with your £11,000, get CMS from him and claim universal credit
£11,000 will do a deposit on a rental and pay the rent for x months.

you are not married are you ?!!!

so you get nothing, nothing at all if / when you split up. not a penny of your £11,000...

In answer to some questions, The original plan was to buy a car around 10k which we both put 5k into . But it soon became clear it wasn’t possible to find one in this price and he kept putting the budget up and I agreed not sure why I suppose he convinced me.
Yes I do drive however I haven’t for a good number of years , at the start of the relationship I had a car but after a couple of years he convinced me to sell it , he would moan about my driving ( at this point he didn’t have a license) and it became not a nice experience driving . Also said cars drain money etc anyway I sold it ( this was when we lived in a big city ) so managed without .
We since moved to rural area 4 hours away from families and it’s hard without a car and much needed now .
No I was in contact with family until around 4 years ago so now the relationship isn’t good and that’s due to many issues I can’t go into .
I’m not sure if I’d qualify for any benefits if I have these savings but I do think the car sale will have to go through , yes I am scared of him if I pull out. He can shout and physical a couple of times not a lot.
He works full time and tries to help people when out ( hold door open for elderly or see them struggling) it’s like he is nice to everyone else apart from me . Been with him 15 years . I am 35 . I just don’t know what to do this is first time I’ve wrote it all down .

Don't do it. He is taking the only little bit of independence you have left.

I think you only become ineligible for benefits over 16k savings OP

Do not wipe out your only means of escape.

Do not use your money on this car.

Say you've changed your mind. If he kicks off you call the police. You need to get this rolling one way or another.

Either way out you need that money for yourself.

Of course £10,000 is enough for a car. it soon became clear it wasn’t possible to find one in this price

That just isn't true. Jesus Christ, I've never spent that much on a vehicle. He is perfectly capable of buying one for £5,000 - a quick Google must tell you that. You obviously don't want to listen to what anyone is telling you, so you're going to find yourself even more trapped than you are already unless you ring WA this week and ask for help in leaving him.

So you used to work, had your own money, had a car, were close to family and since meeting him you don't work, he's moved you to the middle of nowhere, 4 hours away from family, no friends. Can you not see what he's doing? Everyone on this post is begging you to open your eyes to the abuse and begging you not to waste all your savings on this car. You've admitted that you're scared of him and he's been physical before yet you're still planning on going ahead with the purchase. Please read everyone's comments again and have a really good think about your situation. Surely you can't be happy? Spending this money is just going to trap you further. Please contact woman's aid and have a chat with them before parting with any cash.

Yes, I can confirm that £16k is the sum at which no UC is paid. Below that it's a sliding scale for benefit eligibility - I just changed from Tax Credits to UC this year. Luckily, I had just spent £11k on a car so I was off the hook re savings. You were allowed to have savings on TCs. With your £11k you could buy a small car, have a few refresher lessons and all would be good. Or put a deposit/advance pay on a private rental for you and the kids.
Please don't let him steal your escape fund.

@Feelingalone35 Read your posts as though it was your dd. What would you tell her to do?

I am scared for you & I'm just a random on the internet.

Tomorrow when he's left for work get all important paperwork together.

Pack a bag of necessities for you & kids.
Call school & say there's a family problem & they won't be in.
Get a taxi to the nearest town with public transport.
Get a b&b for the night.
Call family or old friends & tell them you need help to get away. He's abusive & you are scared. Even if relationship has been difficult it is worth a phone call.
It will be easier to make calls/get help once you are out the house.
Once safe, if you must, send him a message saying you've taken the kids away for an Easter break. Don't answer any calls or messages from him.
You will also be away & he can't convince you to hand over your money. IT IS YOUR MONEY, YOUR ESCAPE.
This is the start of your journey back to a happy life. Please take the first steps.