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Original poster

Car in his name? Am I doing right thing - possibly dv

209 replies

Feelingalone35 · 17/03/2024 10:22

Hi I’ll try and keep it short
We are buying a used car which is 16k
He hasn’t been good with money ( no savings ) and is putting 5k in his parents gave. I’m paying the rest from my savings I had before meeting him , it will clear my savings . He wants the car in his name as said it’s cheaper I’m wondering if I can be the keeper and he be the main driver ( to get the cheaper insurance he wants) I’m just having doubts about this , I’ve agreed to put it all in his name but the last week he’s been horrible to me calling me a c*nt etc it’s a regular occurrence of being mean then the next day it’s like nothing happened it’s been going on years .
my main question is about the car as we are purchasing it this week and I’m scared I’ll lose all my savings and have no legal say on the car. So what should I do ? If he agrees , I can be the legal keeper and him the main driver would that be ok and give me more security in the future ? Thank you

OP posts:
citrinetrilogy · 17/03/2024 10:51

Threatening suicide to prevent you from leaving him is blackmail, pure and simple.

He is abusing you, and by abusing their mother he is also abusing your children.

Please, please do everything you can to leave this awful relationship, and DO NOT buy this car.

yellowsmileyface · 17/03/2024 10:54

LittleGreenDragons · 17/03/2024 10:38

my main question is about the car as we are purchasing it this week and I’m scared I’ll lose all my savings and have no legal say on the car.

According to my divorce solicitor whoever buys the car owns it. He will have the receipt and you will lose ALL of your money. DO NOT BUY THE CAR.

EDIT - I've read your 2nd post. Contact Women's Aid to help you leave. Keep your savings so you can actually leave. 5K is sufficient to buy a decent car. I bought a 2016 Fiesta for that, perfect condition, you just have to look for the bargains.

Edited

All of this.

You deserve better than someone who treats you so poorly. Leaving isn't easy, but you currently have the benefit of savings which would help a lot. There is absolutely NO good reason for you to buy this car. It would be such a grave mistake.

Please do contact Women's Aid, even if just to talk. You don't have to be intending to leave to give them a call, but I think it would help you to talk about this with someone.

Original poster
Feelingalone35 · 17/03/2024 11:01

Thank you everyone I will look into calling woman’s aid for a chat.

I do trust him but the last few months haven’t been great so I’m cautious about the car going in his name , we do need the car though we live quite rurally ( moved away from our hometown a few years ago ) and struggled with walking most places and now health issues mean we do need it

im unsure if I want to separate i guess I’m so reliant on him I don’t think I could do it . As he pays for everything he gives me £20 a month that’s all . So I’m lucky I do have savings locked away if needed. Our youngest (7) has emotional needs etc so wouldn’t cope with him leaving if it ever happened. No I’m not married to him .
I know everyone saying no to the car but I don’t think I have a choice now as it’s all set up ready to buy with the dealership so I think my main thing is trying to get him to agree to let me be on the invoice as the buyer .

OP posts:
Coolblur · 17/03/2024 11:04

Buy your own cheaper car. He needs your money, you don't need his (or him). That's if you even need a car.

As for questions about ownership and insurance, the owner and registered keeper can be different people (think a parent owning a car their child uses exclusively). But the registered keeper has to be the main driver for insurance purposes. So it makes financial sense with an equally used shared vehicle for the registered keeper to be the one who can get the cheaper insurance premium, with the other as the named driver, regardless of who actually buys the vehicle.
In your situation however, you should be looking to buy your own car, fill it with your belongings, and getting as far away from him as you can.

rainbowstardrops · 17/03/2024 11:06

I think you're going to need your savings .....

Ukholidaysaregreat · 17/03/2024 11:06

OP I feel sure he wants this car to drain your precious savings. It is probably eating him up that you have some money when you have non. You don't work and he gives you £20 a month
That is not enough to live on. It also sounds like he has been emotionally abusing you. Telling you that you can't cope without him but them not wanting you to find work. Is there any were you could go to with the kids? Your parents house? So you could repair yourself and start looking for work. You would be fine alone. It will probably be easier than trying to appease this abusive man all the time.

Mmhmmn · 17/03/2024 11:08

Satsuma2 · 17/03/2024 10:29

Do not buy a car with him, run for the hills instead. Do not let anyone speak to you like that, he has no love or respect for you, get out now.

This. He has personality problems. Do not do anything for this man. You need to leave and you will be so much happier for it.

OxQP · 17/03/2024 11:09

Ukholidaysaregreat · 17/03/2024 11:06

OP I feel sure he wants this car to drain your precious savings. It is probably eating him up that you have some money when you have non. You don't work and he gives you £20 a month
That is not enough to live on. It also sounds like he has been emotionally abusing you. Telling you that you can't cope without him but them not wanting you to find work. Is there any were you could go to with the kids? Your parents house? So you could repair yourself and start looking for work. You would be fine alone. It will probably be easier than trying to appease this abusive man all the time.

I was going to say exactly this. Your dilemma isn’t a coincidence, he’s reducing your freedom by making your savings disappear, just as coercive as threats of suicide, and just as deliberate.

RandomMess · 17/03/2024 11:10

He got you to move rurally exactly so you are dependent on him, another obstacle to leaving.

He wants to spend your savings so you are "barefoot and broke" dependent on him.

£5k can buy a small safe family car. £16k is ridiculous.

crumpet · 17/03/2024 11:12

Once it’s in his name you will have no rights to it, or the money you put into it. He will be free to sell it and spend the money as he sees fit. Don’t do this.

if he wants a car he can buy one for £5k. Yes it will be small and not very new, but it would be his.

Mmhmmn · 17/03/2024 11:12

Exactly. He’s trapping you as well controlling you. Your inner voice is trying to rescue you - listen to it. Do you have family you can tell about what he is really like to you? You can’t be having this, OP.

crumpet · 17/03/2024 11:12

Or you each spend £5k and have a car each, which will give you independence

crumpet · 17/03/2024 11:13

Mmhmmn · 17/03/2024 11:12

Exactly. He’s trapping you as well controlling you. Your inner voice is trying to rescue you - listen to it. Do you have family you can tell about what he is really like to you? You can’t be having this, OP.

yes to this

crumpet · 17/03/2024 11:13

My dd’s car cost less than £5k.

SignoraVolpe · 17/03/2024 11:14

Don’t do it.
Dont do it.
Dont do it.

SignoraVolpe · 17/03/2024 11:14

Who gets the child benefit?

Octonaut4Life · 17/03/2024 11:16

The fact that it's set up ready to buy with the dealership means nothing. It's your money, don't spend it all on a ridiculously overpriced car.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 17/03/2024 11:20

You've got money to keep going until your single parent Universal Credit comes through.

He wants to take your money so you can't ever escape.

Use the money to run.

Scaffoldingisugly · 17/03/2024 11:20

If he insists this is happening when the papers come you send them back off in your name. Them stash them.. I left an abusive man. Dc and not married. I claimed benefits. Worse things to do than that.
Staying with dc all being with an abuser is much worse than that.

RaininSummer · 17/03/2024 11:22

Please dont stay and put up with this. Your 11k will help you set up afresh without this controlling abusive man.

seven201 · 17/03/2024 11:26

Please use your savings to set up a new home for you and dc. Your kids shouldn't be around this unhealthy relationship. Email the dealership and say you were being coerced and are pulling out.

Original poster
Feelingalone35 · 17/03/2024 11:26

I can’t back out of buying this car honestly it would be awful.
In answer to some questions yes it his idea to move a few years ago and he convinced me it would be a good idea fresh start etc.

I am no contact / very little contact with family who live 4 hours away. I do not have any friends who can help , I’m not sure if anyone is aware- the schools were informed of a police visit a couple of years ago as a neighbour called them reporting screaming I think it was when he was physically grabbing me etc then he went to work and it was hours later the police turned up but I lied to them saying it was just a argument. We have since moved from that house now we are in a housing association house in both names renting , he pays rent and all bills .

so regarding the car if I am the owner , he is the keeper and main driver is that ok and would that mean I would have claim on the car if I needed to one day.
please understand I can’t pull out of buying this so just want to make sure the above is how I need to do it . Thank you so much for your advice I’ve never spoke to anyone regarding this .

OP posts:
Andthereyougo · 17/03/2024 11:29

Everything you write about him shouts control.
He can get a car for £5k easily.
Say no to the £11k and his reaction will tell you all you need to know.
Do you really want to live like this until your dc are adults?

Pixiedust1234 · 17/03/2024 11:30

I'm in the process of divorcing my DH. I have significant health issues and cannot work so rely on him financially and for cooking/shopping etc. But I am still divorcing the abusive, manipulating bleep.

Contact Women's Aid, they can signpost you to a local womens support group who can help with more practical issues such as benefits so you can house/feed yourself. Talk to your GP about him abusing you (giving you only £20 month is financial abuse for instance) and they can refer you to counselling.

Just because you have health conditions or cannot work does not mean you can never leave. There are ways. Speak or email the experts who know these different pathways Flowers

https://www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/

I need help - information and support on domestic abuse

Not sure if you're experiencing abuse? Worried about someone else? If you or a friend need help, we are here. Learn more about our information and support.

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ohdamnitjanet · 17/03/2024 11:31

KEEP YOUR MONEY.
That’s an insane amount to spend on a car when he’s shit with money anyway - he’ll never let you drive it and should you want a running away fund you’ll never get that money back.

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